Monday, February 22, 2010

Blah.

As I adjust to being 26 (by the way...I refuse to believe that is late twenties...I hold on to MID-twenties as long as possible) I’ve realized it’s not that different from being 25.....or 5. Sure, I have a lot of grown up things (a house, a job, a husband) but I don’t always have the grown up attitude to go with it. Last week after a bad day, I pretty much threw a tantrum. I refrained from throwing myself on the ground and stomping my feet, but I did cry more than a few tears while I repeated “it’s not fair” for longer than was appropriate. As is usually the case when emotions hit the fan, the events leading up to the meltdown weren’t catastrophic (or even particularly awful), but for some reason, in that moment it was all my little brain could do. I didn’t want to be reasoned with, I didn’t want to problem solve, I didn’t want to have perspective. I wanted to pout and wallow in my self righteous anger. Real mature like.

All that said, it’s not even the real point to my story. No, if you can believe it, there are more child-like antics to be discussed. For after exhausting my “not-fair!” tirade, yesterday I switched to a new mantra: “I’m bored.” As any mother can attest (and even child-less people like myself realize), that is one of the most child-ish, frustrating phrases one can utter. I had been struggling all day, and finally climbed in to bed last night and said it, “Dustin....I’m boooooooored!” (I find that dragging out the word gets my point across better). He was none-too-sympathetic, telling me he didn’t care and he was going to sleep. I think he thought I was the “let’s play dominos” type of bored, not the “I need more excitement in my hum-drum little life” kind. But even though it was the latter, it was not a topic that would be solved at 11pm, so to sleep we went.

And though my whiney voice has faded, I am still left with the same feeling. I am, in fact, bored.Now, I understand this is one of those “First world problems”- people with real issues don’t bemoan something as simple, harmless or fleeting as boredom, but nonetheless, it’s how I feel. I have great friends, a fun job, plenty of activities, but I find myself longing for something NEW. Something exciting. Something out of the ordinary. I think some of it has to do with the season. It’s been a long, bleak February (and January really), and I can’t quite see the light at the end of the tunnel. I suspect I have cabin fever.

So I’ve been trying to self soothe, without doing anything too rash. (I desperately want a dog, but Dustin doesn’t want to take the plunge until my clouded vision is cleared by time, and perhaps some sun. Smart man.) We’ve been making weekend plans, trying to cook and workout more, and check out fun area activities, but none of it is sucking me out of my doldrums.
(Side note: Does anyone else remember “The Phantom Tollboth”? It describes the doldrums as a colorless place where thinking and laughing are not allowed. More depressing than that though- even the fictional character was able to discern that that if he is bored, it is only because he is boring. Yikes.)

Have any of you come down with a case of the winter blahs? How do you pick yourself up out of the mopes? I’m pretty sure the answer is “stop being such a baby”, but other, more constructive ideas would be appreciated.

2 comments :

  1. Bored huh? I should do what I used to do when you were a kid and suggest all kinds of motherly things like: clean your room, read a book, start on your school project that isn't do for 2 weeks, but then you'd be writing about being bored and DEPRESSED! Seriously, I don't see how you have TIME to be bored! But,you know what your great~grandma says...if you are bored, you are bored with yourself! A truly gifted person is never bored! Hmmm!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I've been in a funk too. I feel like our florida trip over Christmas break happened decades ago and the fresh pile of snow that hit yesterday did nothing to soothe my feelings that March and sun and warm are just around the corner.

    Usually when this hits I get grouchy and pick a fight with Jill for no reason and suddenly I'm not bored anymore ... but instead trying to pick up the emotional pieces of breaking something that shouldn't have been broke to begin with.

    I will say having a kid now DEFINITELY keeps some of that boredom at bay ... but they are WAY more high-maintenance than a dog.

    Can you spend your free time figuring out a marketing strategy for your pie pops and cookie cubes that you could take to "Shark Tank" on ABC and become a global bazillionaire and entrepreneur extraordinaire?

    ReplyDelete