Monday, April 19, 2010

Content's been a while since I wrote anything around here. (and it's been a reaaaaaaaaaally long while since I wrote anything more than a few nonsensical sentences wedged between some photos.) I guess I just haven't had much to say. We've been plenty busy (what's new?!), and have had tons of fun in recent weeks, but....well perhaps it's because of that, that I haven't felt the urge to write. I've been content just to be. For the past few weeks, our weekends have been a delicious mix of fun and complete nothingness. We've gotten to hang out with friends one night, laughing until our stomachs hurt, and then sleep in the next day, with no plans more pressing than finding somewhere to each brunch. Our weekdays are packed with activities, but somehow we've lucked into what seems like a impossibly long string of weekends where we don't have major commitments. And I have to say: it's been glorious. Last night I was up late watching some TV and surfing the internet, and I was overwhelmed with a sense of calm, quiet, joy.


It's not that the sitcom I was watching was that good, or that web-browsing was truly feeding my soul. I was just hit with what a simple, and blessed period of life Dustin and I are in. We are sickeningly happy with one another (seriously, I'll spare you from the schmoopy talk), we're gainfully employed, the weather is on the upswing, and we have amazing friends to spend warm evenings with. There is also a lot that we don't have: no puppies, no babies, no full-time responsibilities keeping us from Sunday afternoon naps. And while our lives are far...FAR, from perfect, I can't help but be thankful for this sweet time in our marriage, when it's just us, a cute little house, and a charming little city.

Of course I don't say all this to brag. I know that I am blessed beyond all reason. I just want to remember this feeling; what it's like to appreciate the little things; how it feels to be purely and simply happy. I know that soon there will be trials to face, inconveniences to bear, and days when I just feel gloomy. Pressure will mount, tempers will flare, and messes will pile up. I realize that life is cyclical, and as effortless as it all seems now, there will be a pendulum swing that leaves me feeling all but hopeless. That's not pessimism, it's just reality of experience, that makes my current bliss taste that much sweeter.

Last week at our church's monthly women's gathering, the topic was worship. The speakers shared about what worship is, and what worship isn't. They were extremely insightful, and the one point I really hung on to is that worship isn't just a feeling. It's not something you do just because you are in the mood, or just when you're happy, or just when it seems God is blessing you. It's something that you do out of duty- and the concious knowledge of the Lord's truth. We are called to worship based on who He is, not on how we feel.

So I realize right now it is easy. I want to praise God for the beautiful family He has given me, the friends He has provided, and the abundent resources He has blessed us with. In this time of happiness and connection, it is easy to see His beauty, and appreciate all His work in my life. But how much harder is it to praise when things are going wrong? When the sun isn't shining, and my phone isn't ringing? How well do I continue to worship my perfect God, when my life doesn't feel perfect? Is my love and adoration based on my emotions? Or my Creator?

I realize that I have an opportunity to grow, to look outside of myself, and reflect on a wise, and loving God. But I also believe that He wants me to enjoy these times of plenty. To relish who He is, what He has given me, and who He has made me. To be content.

1 comment :

  1. looks like you're doing better with my 'word for the year' than i am. but your contentment sounds awesome. glad you guys are doing so well.