You know the whole: "The days are long, but the years are short" thing?
It's true.
Painfully so, at times.
I can personally attest to the "days are long" part. They are indeed so very long.
And the "years are short" business? Well, I'm just getting a glimpse of that, but again....yes. Oh my, yes.
I get caught up in the first part though. Feeling the weight of the present, and longing for the future. I forget that we'll be there before I know it, and all my speedy wishing will be replaced by wistful nostalgia.
So I'm
trying to remember.
Remember that every 20 minutes spent sitting on the ground
nursing, every ounce of sweat shed while chasing after a toddler while strapped to a newborn, every
trek up the stairs lugging a stroller and a carseat, every can of Coke
used to combat the overwhelming exhaustion...
...every long day...
is part of some very short years I get to spend with my girls.
I'm not great at it. But I'm trying. Trying to love them right now. Through the yawns, and the tantrums, and the sweat, and the tears. Trying to be with them. Be wholly present in these fleeting moments.
Dear Present Courtney,
You wanted this.
You prayed for this.
You don't deserve this.
You will make it through this.
You will miss this.
Love, Future Courtney
The other side comes fast (so I hear). I feel sort of "there" now with Hannah and Abby being in their teens and creeping more and more towards adults (gasp). Yet, I still have long days of little ones left. Not as many, but some days they still seem to stretch out in front of me with nary an end in sight. One thing I keep telling/reminding myself is every seemingly small thing I do now, say now, teach now affects the future in big ways. Hannah and Abby are a huge credit to their mom's teaching and patience and upbringing. I want my little ones to be the same. But it's hard...so hard.
ReplyDeleteSo glad I am raising kids in a time when online communities foster such a sense of kinship. Reading Bowdenisms and your reflections on motherhood is like pouring a cup of warm tea and having a friend sit on the couch with you and say, "Ohhhh, I've been there, honey."
Glad you have such a great perspective on these long, yet fleeting days/years. :)
good perspective.
ReplyDeleteand future courtney will definitely thank you.
I just teared up. I'm think I'm gonna have to stop reading your blog when I actually have kids... or at least stop reading it in public places... cause if I can't even handle it all now, I'm gonna be a mess later. Loved this post so much.
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