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My brother, who is one of my best friends, told me once that
I am a sponge; that I store everything up and sort of let it all simmer until
it’s ready be released. He meant it as a compliment, and I took it as one, but
sometimes, especially in the midst of transition, being a sponge feels more
like a burden. I don’t always have a moment to wring myself out, so to speak.
Currently, I am in the midst of transition. I’ve recently earned an MFA in
Creative Writing, my daughters, Hadley and Harper, are in school full time, and
I went back to teaching middle school after an almost ten year hiatus. Writing
a “Show Your Real” post resonates with me because as much as it makes me
nervous to show you a messy, scattered, perhaps un-confident person, it allows
me to delve into that gray confusion and maybe bring to light something that
shimmers. Or rather, something that could shimmer.
What
I try to make time for:
Reading:
Normally,
I begin my day at 5:30. I make myself a cup of coffee and I read for about 45
minutes. I love to read. I love words. I think I collect them. When we got
married, my husband Jesse brought with him a college dictionary, and when I look
up a word, I write down the date in the margin. There are sixteen years worth
of dates revealing when I looked up a word.
I’ll read just about anything, but I only read paper books.
YA is probably my favorite genre, but I love creative nonfiction, fiction,
poetry, all of it. Going to a bookstore or library and pulling stacks of books
from shelves that I’ll never have time to read is one of my favorite things to
do.
Exercise:
Exercise
is another one of my favorite things to do. I hold a lot of thoughts hostage
and there is something about jumping around and breaking a nice sweat that lets
those thoughts loosen up a bit. I always feel better and stronger and funnier
after I workout. As with reading, I’ll try any kind of exercise but I really,
really, really don’t like yoga. I’ve given it a shot, really I have. But it
makes me crazy.
These days, I do a lot of working out at home, which makes
me sort of sad because I love working out in a gym. I’m the most shy person
you’ll ever meet, but I love being in group exercise classes. There’s something
fabulous about everyone jumping around to really loud, thumping music. Also, my
favorite instructors are the ones that yell at us while we are working. I love
people who can boldly encourage me to do things I don’t think I can do. This
might have to do with why yoga and I don’t get along so well: I don’t like
being told to accept where I am. I like being dared to do things I don’t think
I could ever do; like write, or run, or give birth.
Writing:
Every
other day, I sit at my desk and write for two hours. I write for Coffee +
Crumbs, Relief Journal, and The Banner, plus I try to submit an essay at least
once a month to various places where I admire other writers’ work.
I write long hand, and only go to the computer to type once
I think I have an essay on my hands. Then I print it out, get another color
pen, and begin revising. It’s a slow process, but I don’t mind.
I also blog twice a week, although lately I’ve added a third
post on Fridays called, “My Week In Words.” I have a blogging journal where I
keep track of ideas to write about, and an editorial calendar where I write
down posts a month ahead of time so that when it’s time for me to sit down and
write, I don’t waste time wondering what it is I want to write about.
Teaching:
On
the days that I don’t write, I plan my lessons for teaching. I am an 8th
grade English teacher, and I love being a teacher. Once, after watching me
teach, my husband told me that it was as though a light switch had been turned
on inside me. That is one of my favorite things he’s ever said to me. He is
right: there is no other place where I feel more myself than in front of a group
of middle school students.
Family:
The
truth is, I didn’t think I would go back to teaching after I became a mother. I
certainly never thought I’d go to graduate school. When writing began to pull
at me I was afraid. I had that same fear when I began daydreaming about being
in the classroom again last winter. I seem to get pretty tunnel visioned when
I’m writing or when I’m teaching. It’s difficult for me to pull myself away
from them, and I was afraid for what that would do to my family, especially my
daughters. I never planned on being a working mom, but it was a pleasant
surprise when I realized that’s what I wanted to be. Teaching and writing are
just as much work as mothering, and the effort to juggle these three can be
exhausting. However, the three of them, I’m starting to see, are a part of who
I am, and each of them somehow enhance the other.
This stage of work-writing-school-family-extra-curricular
activity is new for us, and we are still getting our footing. I’m not sure I
can discuss how balance works here, but I’m not so sure I strive for balance.
To be in balance seems to me, not to be moving and wandering and trying. I
think that’s what I’ve noticed in writing this, in showing my real.
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Show Your Real is a series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal
is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and
bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often
surface-y interactions of social media. And you're all invited to participate! Please write, caption, comment, link, and hashtag to spread the #showyourreal love. And if you would like to contribute a guest post to the series, please email me (cjsbowden@gmail.com).
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