Monday, June 24, 2013

I get so emotional, baby.

Last Sunday I posted this on facebook:  

Things I've cried about in the last few days:
  • Father's Day cards
  • Being tired
  • Songs at church
  • Seeing my friends
  • Being so tired
  • Feeling guilty for feeling sick
  • Missing a friend
  • Being oh so tired
  • Overwhelming thankfulness
I knew I was emotional from being pregnant, but in hindsight, I realize it may have ramped up a little bit since I ended up having a baby that night. I don't generally consider myself a super sensitive person, but in the last few years, I've become much more emotional. I've always "felt big"- meaning I get VERY excited, and VERY disappointed, but I wasn't typically prone to tears. I was always pretty matter-of-fact, which kept me from getting too weepy over much.

But then. I became a mom. And my slow metamorphosis into a more sensitive soul was kicked into overdrive. I'm now that girl, who will cry over baby lotion commercials, and news stories about strangers. It turns out I'm also one of those cry-ers, that when I get started, I can't stop. It's like my body has a certain amount of tears it needs to shed, and given enough of an excuse (which may be pretty much anything things days...) it's going to let them flow.

I don't want to give the wrong impression: I'm definitely not a constantly-teetering-on-the-edge-basket-case...

Wait....unless it's under 6 weeks postpartum.

Then I am pretty much a constantly-teetering-on-the-edge-basket-case.

Not in a scary, don't risk talking to the ticking-tear-time-bomb kind of way. Just in a, wow she's extra weepy kind of way. Most of the time I laugh as much as I cry, because I realize whatever made me cry in the first place was probably pretty silly. I'll often warn you- I'm going to cry now!- and keep barreling through the conversation as if it's not happening. (because if we wait for it to pass...we might be waiting a while). Dustin will put his hand on mine, and I'll roll my eyes at my crazy hormones.

Sometimes's legitimate. There's a lot of change going on right now (emotionally, physically, logistically, mentally...all the other "ally"s....) and sometimes it's all a bit much to bear (good, or bad). And so:
Things I've cried about this week:
  • Being afraid. 
  • Being in pain. 
  • Being so tired. 
  • Overwhelming responsibility. 
  • Songs at church. 
  • Overreacting to Dustin's tone of voice.
  • Seeing my friends. 
  • Overwhelming feeling of being overwhelmed.
  • Missing our old life. 
  • Overwhelming thankfulness.  
And probably ten other things I'm forgetting about. This is a crazy time. A difficult time. And a lovely time. And I've got enough tears for all occasions.

So if you happen to see me in the next month or so, don't be alarmed if you ask me a question (like: how are you? what did you have for lunch? or what is up with that Brazilian guy on The Bachelorette?) and I start bawling. It means I care. (And I just might be a wee bit crazy. Temporarily of course.)


  1. Congrats on your new bundle of joy.

  2. You're amazing.

    ...and also, I cried reading this.

    Because yeah. I'm a mom. And newborn photos with beautiful women I have the honor of knowing will get me every time.

    1. oh Lindsay....thank you. That means so much to me.

  3. I just can't even watch the news.
    Or shop for cards.
    and I imagine it's all going to get worse in the next 2 months.

    you're beautiful and I think those tears (while at times seem silly/unnecessary/whatever) are cathartic and cleansing.

    1. I totally agree...I usually feel better after a good cry (except for the headache that inevitably follows....)

  4. This post resonates with me so much. I'm 11 weeks pregnant with #3, so although I'm 100% with you on the being softer after kids thing, I'm even MORE, um, tenderhearted right now. And I kind of like it. I get overwhelmed with goodness and beauty so easily. Also I get really tired and then it's less about the beauty and more about survival.

    Congrats on the new arrival. I hope you all continue to settle in smoothly!

    BTW, if this baby is a girl, we're planning on naming her Piper=)

    1. Yay, more Pipers! I totally understand...sometimes the tears are emotional...and sometimes they're from pure exhaustion.

  5. I remember expecting Caroline and being so excited for her to be here and then when she got here thinking, "OH MY GOODNESS, I NEED TO PUT HER BACK IN. This is too hard." And then I probably cried from the guilt of thinking such a thought.

    Baby steps.

    Slowly but surely.

    You will find your groove. (Again).

    And be great at it.