Show Your Real: Grace C

Part of what I love about the Show Your Real series (you know, besides all the honesty, and wisdom, and vulnerability, and encouragement, and.......) is that I get to share stories that I would never be able to write. I love the different experiences and perspectives each person brings, and every single time I receive a new post, I'm blown away by the direction different people take one simple prompt. This month is no exception: Grace is sharing with us today, and she's written a beautifully honest piece that I hope you can relate to or be inspired by.

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We were the story people tell you when you’re struggling to get pregnant and want to adopt. I know a friend who started the adoption process and bam! They got pregnant. 

That was us. We were almost done becoming certified foster parents when we found out we were 9 weeks pregnant. I didn’t understand it. I had finally come to accept that I might never have biological children, and I had gotten over the grief and emptiness of it all. I thought God and I had an understanding that His plan for expanding our family was through adoption. So getting pregnant just didn’t make sense.

But my belly grew, and my disbelief that we were actually going to have a baby faded into the reality that we were actually going to have a baby. It was confusing and wonderful and terrifying and so humbling.

Six months after she was born, we got pregnant again and became the story people tell you when you struggle with infertility but have no trouble getting pregnant afterwards. See! Sometimes it just takes one pregnancy to fix things up, and then it’s smooth sailing. It happened to a friend of mine! 

I don’t know why we got to be these stories. I don’t know why we got pregnant instead of staying infertile. I don’t know why God gave us a heart for adoption but let us have biological children first. All I know is that He sees beyond what I can see and that His way is always deeply good.

So now we have two little ones- both unexpected, both amazing, both sanctifying for my soul, but we’ve decided that it’s time to intentionally move forward into adoption and stop having anymore biological children. I know it’s the right thing for us to do, and I know it’s the right time to do it. But honestly, I’m grieving. I’m grieving that I won’t be able to watch my belly grow and feel the baby kick. I’m grieving that I won’t have another child who looks like us and whose personality will be like us. I’m grieving the end of all that kind of sweetness. 

Almost every Sunday, people tell me that we should have one more kid, that adoption is hard, that we have the cutest kids and that one more would be just right. And every time they do, my heart hurts because I get what they’re saying. I want what they want for us too. But I know that following the Lord is always better. I know that obedience brings the blessing of knowing Him more, of seeing Him more, and I’ve seen for myself how nothing compares to it.

I’m grieving the end of a season for us, but it’s with hope. It’s with joy for what is to come in our next season of parenthood. My heart aches for what no longer will be, but it also aches for the child we will love next, the child who will just as much ours as our other two, the child whom we long for even now. I know It will be hard, but it will be good and sweet and better than I could have ever imagined.

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Show Your Real is a series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often surface-y interactions of social media. And you're all invited to participate! Please write, caption, comment, link, and hashtag to spread the #showyourreal love. And if you would like to contribute a guest post to the series, please email me (cjsbowden@gmail.com).