Show Your Real: Grace C

Part of what I love about the Show Your Real series (you know, besides all the honesty, and wisdom, and vulnerability, and encouragement, and.......) is that I get to share stories that I would never be able to write. I love the different experiences and perspectives each person brings, and every single time I receive a new post, I'm blown away by the direction different people take one simple prompt. This month is no exception: Grace is sharing with us today, and she's written a beautifully honest piece that I hope you can relate to or be inspired by.

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We were the story people tell you when you’re struggling to get pregnant and want to adopt. I know a friend who started the adoption process and bam! They got pregnant. 

That was us. We were almost done becoming certified foster parents when we found out we were 9 weeks pregnant. I didn’t understand it. I had finally come to accept that I might never have biological children, and I had gotten over the grief and emptiness of it all. I thought God and I had an understanding that His plan for expanding our family was through adoption. So getting pregnant just didn’t make sense.

But my belly grew, and my disbelief that we were actually going to have a baby faded into the reality that we were actually going to have a baby. It was confusing and wonderful and terrifying and so humbling.

Six months after she was born, we got pregnant again and became the story people tell you when you struggle with infertility but have no trouble getting pregnant afterwards. See! Sometimes it just takes one pregnancy to fix things up, and then it’s smooth sailing. It happened to a friend of mine! 

I don’t know why we got to be these stories. I don’t know why we got pregnant instead of staying infertile. I don’t know why God gave us a heart for adoption but let us have biological children first. All I know is that He sees beyond what I can see and that His way is always deeply good.

So now we have two little ones- both unexpected, both amazing, both sanctifying for my soul, but we’ve decided that it’s time to intentionally move forward into adoption and stop having anymore biological children. I know it’s the right thing for us to do, and I know it’s the right time to do it. But honestly, I’m grieving. I’m grieving that I won’t be able to watch my belly grow and feel the baby kick. I’m grieving that I won’t have another child who looks like us and whose personality will be like us. I’m grieving the end of all that kind of sweetness. 

Almost every Sunday, people tell me that we should have one more kid, that adoption is hard, that we have the cutest kids and that one more would be just right. And every time they do, my heart hurts because I get what they’re saying. I want what they want for us too. But I know that following the Lord is always better. I know that obedience brings the blessing of knowing Him more, of seeing Him more, and I’ve seen for myself how nothing compares to it.

I’m grieving the end of a season for us, but it’s with hope. It’s with joy for what is to come in our next season of parenthood. My heart aches for what no longer will be, but it also aches for the child we will love next, the child who will just as much ours as our other two, the child whom we long for even now. I know It will be hard, but it will be good and sweet and better than I could have ever imagined.

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Show Your Real is a series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often surface-y interactions of social media. And you're all invited to participate! Please write, caption, comment, link, and hashtag to spread the #showyourreal love. And if you would like to contribute a guest post to the series, please email me (cjsbowden@gmail.com).

Show Your Real: Kitty

Today's Show Your Real, is short and sweet, but the wisdom Kitty has managed to pack into what she has to share is pretty impressive. I'm inspired by how she was able to look at something seemingly silly (like a messy bedroom) and see the bigger truth God was trying to teach her. And I'm thankful that she is sharing that truth with us.

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There are two types of people in this world. Those who leave their master bedroom doors open when people come to their homes... ...and those who cannot. It's not that they will not, it's just that they cannot. It's that bad in there.  
A few months ago, my friend, Ruth, who also happens to be one of my husband's bosses, came in town. The regional directors were taking us out to dinner so she and I thought we'd hang out for a few minutes beforehand. We were short on time and I was a sweaty mess from the day, so the only way we were going to be able to actually visit was if she sat in my bedroom while I got ready. I'm typically a fairly laid back hostess, I want people to see my real so they are set free to bare their own, but something in me knew that the state of my bedroom had gone from slightly unkempt to completely horrific during the few days our bosses had been in town. As we walked down the hall past my perfectly vacuum-striped childrens' bedrooms, everything in me wanted to keep the door shut and not let Ruth see the real someone-might-need-to-call-the-hoarder-hotline deal. Ruth could sense my internal struggle as I warned her of the craziness she was about to see and she softly said, 

"Kitty, I love you for who you are, not what your house looks like. You are more valuable than your hope of perfection." This tender affirmation helped me push past the shame I felt about wanting everything to be perfectly kept and enabled us to have a great chat while I curled my hair. I've reflected on her quiet encouragement a lot recently and have had to repent of my striving and perpetual image management. Because what we see on Instagram really is the highlight reel but aren't the outtakes really the most fun? Yes, my home is an intimate reflection of me, but I want to be a person who is more secure in who I am because of Whose I am, than because of what my home looks like. Don't you?

Let's be people who let go of what we think the wrapping of a gift should look like and love the gift that is inside. Let's be people who open the doors and freely receive the love and acceptance of others. Shall we? #showyourreal
I've loved keeping it real with you! If you'd like to read more outtakes of life as a missionary, momma and majorly obsessed wife, stop by my blog or let's meet up on Instagram: @kitty_hurdle.

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Show Your Real is a series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often surface-y interactions of social media. And you're all invited to participate! Please write, caption, comment, link, and hashtag to spread the #showyourreal love. And if you would like to contribute a guest post to the series, please email me (cjsbowden@gmail.com).

Show Your Real: Kellie

A friend of mine "introduced" me to Kellie about a year ago, just before we moved to Ohio. She thought I'd be inspired by her work, and SHE WAS RIGHT. People, Kellie is awesome. Like, super talented, ridiculously nice, beyond adorable, and again I say- SUPER TALENTED. I know, I know, all caps is annoying, but I don't know any other way to tell you that she is so GOOD at what she does.

Well actually...I do: go to her site, look at all of her images, drool a bunch, and then book her for a session (or four). 

(Kellie- in addition to being a incredible photographer- is also incredibly humble, so she'll die when she sees the gushing link fest I just posted. But she did a family photoshoot for me, and then she agreed to do this post, so I'm going to pretend like we're best friends, and that I have license to embarrass her with my bragging.)

Her work would be enough to make me want to highlight her here, but she's got a beautiful heart behind all that crazy light-bending talent, and I'm so grateful she was open to sharing some of that with us. Read & enjoy. 

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I am a mother and photographer. Like so many other moms with cameras, I started clicking away when my kids were born: time was moving far too quickly and I was desperate to slow it down…or at least record it so that I could revisit the past as my kids grew at lightning speed without my permission. And so, armed with a point-and-shoot, and then an entry level DSLR, and now with two professional camera bodies and a happy collection of lenses, I set about my work of being the self-appointed visual historian of our family.

I am so grateful that I have photography as a means of artistic expression while simultaneously recording the lives of my kids, but this is dangerous work. Not because it is easy to get wrapped-up in the “I want the latest and greatest camera equipment” game (though that can happen). And not because I can stay up all night looking at their faces on my computer screen, lost in years of images of their sweet faces (though that does happen from time to time). And it’s not because I get lost in my thoughts when I find pretty pockets of light around the house or photo-worthy locations on the side of the road (though this happens all the time). No, the danger in being a photographer is not the cost or the time or the distractions, but rather in the temptation of perfection.

You see, the better I get at this photography gig (and I am far from being the best I can be…), the better I get at making everything look perfect. It starts with finding light that magically softens wrinkles and it grows until I can shrink waistlines and erase boogers and replace faces from one photograph with another, more cooperative face. People, I can paint RAINBOWS INTO THE SKY. None of these things is dangerous all by itself…Photoshop is an amazing little tool and as an artist I allow myself to have this control over my finished product. But all of that perfection in images can lead to something far more treacherous: the expectation of perfection in real life.

My life is not perfect. It is full of wrinkles and waistlines that spill over jeans and boogers and goofy faces. My life is overflowing with laundry and dust bunnies and boxed mac n’ cheese dinners. There are days when I yell, days where my kids cry, days when we *all* whine like babies. My life is full of imperfections, and yet I can see these perfect photos and it is easy to forget the magic that made them happen. It is easy to want the completely unrealistic perfect and to be afraid to reveal the un-Photoshopped life to the world. It is easy to get so caught-up in capturing the wonderful that I forget to be grateful for what is real and right in front of me.

Am I going to stop painting rainbows? Goodness, no! But I am working to remind myself that the reason I picked-up that point and shoot over a decade ago was to record the now: to stop time for 1/640 second and be able to hold it in my hand. So maybe I can put the clone tool away and keep the smear of sweet potatoes on his face. Because someday he will be able to use a napkin and won’t need me to clean it for him. Maybe I can stop fretting over the belly. Because that skin stretched to hold four gorgeous babies and gave me my reason for living. Maybe I can be okay that the oldest kid wouldn’t smile when the younger kids were willing. Because someday we will all look at that photo and laugh, remembering his prepubescent mood swings. 

Maybe we should all give the imperfect mess of our lives a little grace. Because that mess is what we are going to miss.

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Show Your Real is a series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often surface-y interactions of social media. And you're all invited to participate! Please write, caption, comment, link, and hashtag to spread the #showyourreal love. And if you would like to contribute a guest post to the series, please email me (cjsbowden@gmail.com).

Show Your Real: Danielle

I don't know about you all, but I think it's been far too long since we had a Show Your Real post...We were going strong as a monthly series, but I dropped the ball on coordinating things, so we took a little unintended break. Thankfully, there are a still a bunch of super wise, super awesome ladies lined up to share, and today I have the pleasure of introducing you to one such lady: Danielle is a blog-friend-of-a-blog-friend, so I haven't gotten to meet her in person...and since she lives in Bangkok, that's probably not going to happen any time soon. But- what I love about Danielle, in getting to know her through her writing, our writers' Facebook group, and some google hangouts, is that though her life may seem totally unrelatable (she lives in Thailand with her missionary husband, and their two adopted teenage girls....Not exactly what I deal with daily...) she, herself, is totally relatable. She's encouraging, honest, and all around good stuff. So I'm thankful to have her posting here today. 

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A year and a half ago, my husband and I picked up our suburban, happy, well- established life and moved overseas to serve as missionaries in Bangkok. He had been working with this particular organization traveling to South America for years, and was now going to be doing the same thing traveling throughout Asia.

Obviously, the decision to move was hard. I really liked my life. And there was a lot of sadness that came from knowing that it would never be the same.

With that decision also came lots of praise. People in the church seemed so impressed by us. It was a similar reaction to when we adopted our girls. People  talked about our “selflessness” and “great faith”, and in an instant I felt like the world’s biggest hypocrite.

When we adopted our girls, I was a hot mess of emotions throughout the entire process. God certainly used it to grow my faith, but I wrestled with him at every turn. Then, when we brought the girls home, there were tears for months. They couldn’t speak English, and I couldn’t figure out how to communicate things with them. It was a rough few months that would probably not have been best described as selfless or characterized by great faith.

Moving overseas was no different.

I thought I would do well on this little adventure. I thought the gospel would trump my need for comfort and that I would instantly become the “selfless, faith-filled missionary” everyone thought I already was.

Well, I didn’t. I had one of the hardest years of my life, in a country that is far from difficult to live in. I was not only in culture shock, but I was so sidetracked from the kingdom purposes God had used to draw us here. All I could think of was getting back home.

The reality was I was still a hot mess. I was no holier, or more obedient than those who were living “normal” lives in their home countries. I was a sin-filled, cry baby at times.

But, God was the same overseas. He was slow to anger, and gracious to me. He brought to the surface the sin that had been brewing in my heart. He relentlessly pursued worked through the many things that clearly still needed to be worked through.

The reality is moving overseas as a missionary brought a lot of my junk to the surface. It revealed a ton about God and a ton about me. Unfortunately it didn’t reveal this quietly obedient heart whose main purpose was to honor God among the nations.

I believe he is getting me there with some time, lots of grace, and unwavering patience. And for that I am grateful.

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Show Your Real is a series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often surface-y interactions of social media. And you're all invited to participate! Please write, caption, comment, link, and hashtag to spread the #showyourreal love. And if you would like to contribute a guest post to the series, please email me (cjsbowden@gmail.com).

Show Your Real: Ali

I was "introduced" to Ali by a mutual friend of ours, and though I've only got to know her through her blog and a few exchanged emails, I instantly fell in love with her heart, and connected so easily with her stories. I read her post about her friend Donte and his new home and found myself crying at my desk, in awe of her compassion, and faith. Yesterday she posted an update on that topic, which once again inspires me (and makes me tear up) with its honest portrayal of what faith and disappointment look like- even when they're mired together in the "middle" of the stories God is writing in our lives. I'm honored to be able to point people towards her as an example of transparent struggles and real faith and grateful to have her share some of the lighter (but still real) side of marriage here today.

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When you get married, you learn which traditions you have to keep from your spouse’s family in order to have your spouse in enjoy the holidays.  For my husband, JR, Granny’s homemade cinnamon rolls and homemade apple sauce are a must.

The year we were engaged, when JR would first be spending Christmas with my family, I met secretly with Granny and other women in his family to learn how to make the cinnamon rolls and apple sauce.  I surprised him Christmas morning with his special breakfast.

Two years later, we were back with my family this year for Christmas.  Christmas Eve I head to the kitchen to make the rolls in order to please my husband.  I want him to enjoy time with my family.  I want him to appreciate the effort I make to include his traditions.  I want every part of Christmas day to be perfect.  Maybe you can relate?  Holiday survival – keep the people happy, keep the people full.

Over the course of the hour, I work in the kitchen alone making the dough, rolling it out, and stuffing it with sugary buttery goodness.  (Did I mention we were also working with a shortage of butter and had figured out how to perfectly ration it to get through Christmas day until stores could re-open the day after?)  Right as I’m placing my finished work in the pan, my mom comes in and sees the yeast packet still sitting out.  She asks, “Did you mean to leave out the yeast?” 

Whoops.  Nope.  Absolutely not.  Definitely wanted to have that in there. 

As I’m half laughing/half crying, my husband walks in and asks, “Does this mean we aren’t going to have cinnamon rolls?”  His tone wasn’t angry; it more closely resembled that of a sad little boy who didn’t receive the present for which he hoped.

I had a few options at that point.  Melt down.  Cry because “Christmas was ruined.” Forget the cinnamon rolls altogether. Or go to google, figure out some substitutions and start over from scratch.

The cinnamon rolls did not go according to plan.  I finished the endeavor well after midnight.  The second batch had much less butter than the first.  But the next morning, they were still delicious.

Sometimes my heart desires for everything to go perfectly smooth.  I like everything in the proper place and everyone to be happy.  But sometimes messes and mix-ups happen.  I was reminded this Christmas Eve to laugh at my mistakes and shortcomings; to regroup and try again.  You never know when Plan B may end up better than Plan A.

There may be some messes and mix-ups in your life right now.  They may be involving bigger issues than a batch of cinnamon rolls and a holiday.  But I think the same things are still true.  We need to laugh at our mistakes and shortcomings.  We need to dust ourselves off, regroup and try again.  And we need to trust that sometimes Plan B is a way better option than Plan A was ever going to be.  For me personally, a lot of times Plan A is my plan and Plan B is God’s plan.  I’ve never regretted coming to Jesus in repentance and opting for Him to take control in Round Two.

I’m going to keep baking, keep living and keep embracing my messes as I go.  May you be encouraged to do the same.

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Show Your Real is a series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often surface-y interactions of social media. And you're all invited to participate! Please write, caption, comment, link, and hashtag to spread the #showyourreal love. And if you would like to contribute a guest post to the series, please email me (cjsbowden@gmail.com).

Show Your Real: Callie

Sometimes these Show Your Real guest posts have "all the feels" and sometimes, they're more of a practical look at what real life is. Today's post is the latter....I hope you see a little bit of yourself in Callie's life, and a glimpse into her life is an encouragement to you!

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My brother, who is one of my best friends, told me once that I am a sponge; that I store everything up and sort of let it all simmer until it’s ready be released. He meant it as a compliment, and I took it as one, but sometimes, especially in the midst of transition, being a sponge feels more like a burden. I don’t always have a moment to wring myself out, so to speak. Currently, I am in the midst of transition. I’ve recently earned an MFA in Creative Writing, my daughters, Hadley and Harper, are in school full time, and I went back to teaching middle school after an almost ten year hiatus. Writing a “Show Your Real” post resonates with me because as much as it makes me nervous to show you a messy, scattered, perhaps un-confident person, it allows me to delve into that gray confusion and maybe bring to light something that shimmers. Or rather, something that could shimmer.

What I try to make time for:

Reading: Normally, I begin my day at 5:30. I make myself a cup of coffee and I read for about 45 minutes. I love to read. I love words. I think I collect them. When we got married, my husband Jesse brought with him a college dictionary, and when I look up a word, I write down the date in the margin. There are sixteen years worth of dates revealing when I looked up a word. 

I’ll read just about anything, but I only read paper books. YA is probably my favorite genre, but I love creative nonfiction, fiction, poetry, all of it. Going to a bookstore or library and pulling stacks of books from shelves that I’ll never have time to read is one of my favorite things to do.
 

Exercise: Exercise is another one of my favorite things to do. I hold a lot of thoughts hostage and there is something about jumping around and breaking a nice sweat that lets those thoughts loosen up a bit. I always feel better and stronger and funnier after I workout. As with reading, I’ll try any kind of exercise but I really, really, really don’t like yoga. I’ve given it a shot, really I have. But it makes me crazy.

These days, I do a lot of working out at home, which makes me sort of sad because I love working out in a gym. I’m the most shy person you’ll ever meet, but I love being in group exercise classes. There’s something fabulous about everyone jumping around to really loud, thumping music. Also, my favorite instructors are the ones that yell at us while we are working. I love people who can boldly encourage me to do things I don’t think I can do. This might have to do with why yoga and I don’t get along so well: I don’t like being told to accept where I am. I like being dared to do things I don’t think I could ever do; like write, or run, or give birth.

Writing: Every other day, I sit at my desk and write for two hours. I write for Coffee + Crumbs, Relief Journal, and The Banner, plus I try to submit an essay at least once a month to various places where I admire other writers’ work.

I write long hand, and only go to the computer to type once I think I have an essay on my hands. Then I print it out, get another color pen, and begin revising. It’s a slow process, but I don’t mind. 

I also blog twice a week, although lately I’ve added a third post on Fridays called, “My Week In Words.” I have a blogging journal where I keep track of ideas to write about, and an editorial calendar where I write down posts a month ahead of time so that when it’s time for me to sit down and write, I don’t waste time wondering what it is I want to write about.

Teaching: On the days that I don’t write, I plan my lessons for teaching. I am an 8^th grade English teacher, and I love being a teacher. Once, after watching me teach, my husband told me that it was as though a light switch had been turned on inside me. That is one of my favorite things he’s ever said to me. He is right: there is no other place where I feel more myself than in front of a group of middle school students.

Family: The truth is, I didn’t think I would go back to teaching after I became a mother. I certainly never thought I’d go to graduate school. When writing began to pull at me I was afraid. I had that same fear when I began daydreaming about being in the classroom again last winter. I seem to get pretty tunnel visioned when I’m writing or when I’m teaching. It’s difficult for me to pull myself away from them, and I was afraid for what that would do to my family, especially my daughters. I never planned on being a working mom, but it was a pleasant surprise when I realized that’s what I wanted to be. Teaching and writing are just as much work as mothering, and the effort to juggle these three can be exhausting. However, the three of them, I’m starting to see, are a part of who I am, and each of them somehow enhance the other. 

This stage of work-writing-school-family-extra-curricular activity is new for us, and we are still getting our footing. I’m not sure I can discuss how balance works here, but I’m not so sure I strive for balance. To be in balance seems to me, not to be moving and wandering and trying. I think that’s what I’ve noticed in writing this, in showing my real.

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Show Your Real is a series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often surface-y interactions of social media. And you're all invited to participate! Please write, caption, comment, link, and hashtag to spread the #showyourreal love. And if you would like to contribute a guest post to the series, please email me (cjsbowden@gmail.com).

Show Your Real: Kayla (+ an Instagram challenge)

I found Kayla's blog a few months ago, when someone pointed me to her post about being yourself online. I loved how openly she shared, and knew she'd be a perfect fit for the Show Your Real series. So when she sent over her guest post, I expected to love it...but I was surprised at how much it inspired me. I don't want to steal her thunder, so please keep scrolling to read her post (and leave a comment telling her how much you love it...especially because today is her birthday!) Then- click on over to my Instagram page for something extra fun...

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Ever look at your Instagram and think “these photos all look the same?” It’s the same lighting with similar cups of coffee and magazines perfectly spaced out on a white background repeated over and over again. It’s pretty, no doubt, but is it real? Probably not.

My life doesn’t look like that. If it was captured in a photo, the frame would show hot chocolate stains on a sheet of paper, scribbled out, very imperfect penmanship, and a girl who wears sweatpants with a beanie half of the week. It’s not perfect, but it’s me. It’s real.

I don’t want to fit the Instagram standard, or any standard for that matter. I want to stand out. My life shouldn’t look like anyone else’s because it’s mine, and I’m proud of that. We all should wear our uniqueness like a badge of honor. That’s what we should be sharing online: all of ourselves, even the imperfect parts.

Besides, life is not always beautifully put together. It’s not meant to be staged. It’s beautifully messy.

The next time you wish your life looked more like posh Instagram photographs, remember that pictures are deceiving. They can make us feel like everyone else has it all together when in reality, none of us do. When you compare your life to someone else’s online, you are comparing your behind-the-scenes look to their highlight reel. It’s all about perspective.

I for one, live for the candids, when the camera catches us mid-laugh and shows the true happiness that only comes from capturing spontaneous moments. These photos may not be posed or staged, but they steal my heart. They are what I remember.

I challenge you to #ShowYourReal this week on Instagram. Throw the perfect formula for a great Instagram photo out the window and focus on showing the real you. That’s where you’ll find freedom.

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Yes! There is freedom in being real...and there is community and encouragement, and inspiration, and acceptance, and beauty in showing your real. So all this week I'll be sharing on Instagram using the #showyourreal tag, telling pieces of my story that might not typically make it onto the "highlight reel", but are still (or especially!) worthy of sharing. And I'd love for you to join in...And I've got something extra special in store for you when you do. Head on over to my Instagram page for full details...

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Show Your Real is a series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often surface-y interactions of social media. And you're all invited to participate! Please write, caption, comment, link, and hashtag to spread the #showyourreal love. And if you would like to contribute a guest post to the series, please email me (cjsbowden@gmail.com).

Show Your Real: Sarah

I "met" (in the creepy-internet sense) Sarah a few months ago when she asked if I would be willing to join her as a guest on her podcast series. (You can check out my episode, or read my recap.) I had so much fun chatting with her, and I love the focus of her blog- stories from a "recovering perfectionist in pursuit of living a B+ life." She's a fan of the Show Your Real thing we have going on here, so I'm delighted that she's returned the favor, and will be sharing with you guys today as a part of that series. 

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How does the idea of "Show Your Real" resonate with you..why did you want to participate and share?

As a recovering perfectionist attempting to be B+, I’m all about real. My one little word for this year? Real. I spent years of my life chasing perfection and trying to be the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect employee, and the perfect mom, the perfect wife. But the closer I got to turning 30, I decided chasing perfection is no longer a worthy goal. I realized that trying to be perfect was putting up barriers between me and other people. I’d much rather be me, imperfections and all, and really connect with other people, on a real level.

What misconceptions might people have about your life at first glance?

Ha! I’m pretty transparent. So I hope no one thinks I’ve got it all together. When my friends ask me how I am at preschool drop off, I answer with how I really am. And some days, it’s not so good!

Sometimes when I read blogs and scroll through Instagram, I think, wow, that person has the perfect life. She’s beautiful, has lovely children who always seem to be clean and in matching clothes, lives in an amazing home, and man, I wish I had that designer handbag she has!

I hope no one thinks my life is perfect based on my blog or Instagram feed. Because it’s definitely not. Dan and I snap at each other. I’ve raised my voice at my kids. I’m definitely not perfect. I probably have some stuff going on that I’m not going to share because some of it’s not my story to tell. And I think that’s the key, remembering that you’re only seeing a fraction of someone, whether it’s a blogger you love or a mom at preschool pick up.  We’re all just doing our best.

What are some of your patterns and routines for a “typical” day?

I get up early!  The early morning is the only time when I’m guaranteed some time alone. I get up around 5:30 a.m. to either teach a group fitness class or train/practice for another class.  I get so much energy from exercise, which I desperately need to make it through the day.

I finish up around 7 a.m. and the kids are waking up at this point. Dan, the kids, and I walk the dog right when they get up. I often feed the kids breakfast in the stroller. They always seem to eat more in the stroller than they do at the table!

Dan and I love walking together. It’s one of my favorite parts of the day. We chat about what’s on our minds, our schedule for the day/week, what we want for dinner that night, etc…

When we get back, I jump in the shower while Dan manages the kids. Then he gets in the shower, and I take over. I drink my coffee (over the summer I transitioned to drinking my coffee black, and I’m loving it.) and eat breakfast while I check on that day’s blog post, check in on Twitter and Facebook, flip through some blogs. I usually have to hurry through this since I’ve got to get Kate ready for school, which could take 5 minutes or 55 minutes, depending on her mood. During the school year, Michael and I get Kate off to school by 9 a.m. then Michael and I either run errands or we head to one of his music classes, or a combination of errands and playdates.

After we pick up Kate from school, we play at the park for a bit before heading home for lunch and Michael’s nap. While Michael naps, I work at a frantic pace, writing posts, taking pictures, responding to email, checking comments, do some work for my part-time job, etc…Since I know I’ve only got a few short hours, I try to stay as productive as possible.

While I try to work, Kate tries to interrupt me as many times as possible ;) Sometimes I’m playing the Princess Cupcake Matching Game while also on a conference call. Or I’m playing beauty salon while editing photos or writing blog posts.It’s definitely not preferable to work like this, but right now, it’s what I’ve got to work with. And something done is better than nothing!

What does the balance/mix of work/chores/family time/rest/etc look like in your home?

This is huge struggle for us right now since we don’t have our own space. In our new house, I’ll have an office, so I won’t have my work scattered on the kitchen table along with preschool crafts and the remnants from our latest meal. Right now our life is pretty stressful as we finish up our house.

We will move in right before the holiday season, so I’m hoping to make our home a peaceful place with more time for fun and rest to make up for how crazy it’s been for the past eight months. 

What are the hardest parts of your current season of life? And the best parts?

Right now, I’m all about the toggle. Toggle, toggle, toggle. From one thing to the next. I very much dislike flying by the seat of my pants. I never used to be this type of person! Never! I used to be punctual (on time was late for me!), put together, organized, etc…

My husband and I are about a month away from moving into our new home. We’ve been in the building process for just about a year now and out of our home for eight months. We’re very fortunate to be living with my parents while our house is being built. But, seven people and two large dogs sharing one home is…a bit overwhelming for everyone involved!

I’m working part-time (from home mostly, some meetings, some things I need to do outside the home), teach group fitness classes about four times a week, and put my all into my blog. Trying to do those things 100% while still being the primary caretaker of our small children and not living in our own space is challenging. Extremely challenging. My car has become my mobile office.

But there are bright spots – like how sweet it is that my parents and my kids have this time together. My kids are my parent’s only grandchildren, and they’ve been able to watch them grow up, daily!  That’s pretty cool. I love listening in as my Dad reads Kate bedtime stories or when my Mom and Kate have a spa night and paint their nails. And it’s so sweet to watch Michael sit on my Dad’s lap and eat ice cream.  It makes all the stress of this situation melt away.

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Show Your Real is a series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often surface-y interactions of social media. And you're all invited to participate! Please write, caption, comment, link, and hashtag to spread the #showyourreal love. And if you would like to contribute a guest post to the series, please email me (cjsbowden@gmail.com).

Show Your Real: Allie

Sometimes when I hang out with awesome people, I find myself hoping that maybe, just maybe, I'll soak up some of their cool. Like hipster osmosis. Or maybe I can just catch some of the talent runoff. Or possibly be considered by someone as cool by association. It doesn't really work. But it doesn't stop me from trying!

So I'm excited to be connected in any way with today's guest writer; Allie is about as cool as they come. She's about a million things I'm not (tiny, adorable in hats, self-employed...) and another million things I am- but better (designer, blogger, photographer). I maybe don't love the twinges of jealousy I have of her glam life, but I do love how she's always inspiring me, and knowing no matter how big a rock star she is, she's still humble to her core, passionate about loving people well, and a constant encourager of those around her. We'd be lucky to absorb even a little bit of that spirit.

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I love keeping it real. Unless someone shows up at my house unexpectedly and I haven't cleaned in three weeks (which is all the time). I literally have said, "No you can't come in right now. My entire house is a disaster." I remember my friend looking at me, giggling as she tried to bypass my arm. She soon learned that I was 100% serious and a little part of me died in embarrassment. Just keeping it real, I suppose. 

Now that you know that about me, I should probably introduce myself. My name is Allie Lehman. I'm 27, married and I own a couple of businesses. I love working for myself but over the past two years, my real has felt surreal. My highs have felt quite high but my lows have felt pretty dark. 

Most people say that owning your own business is "so freeing." It's extremely true but they don't tell you how isolating it can be. You convince yourself that 14-16 hour workdays are normal and that you couldn't possibly spend an evening just relaxing. If you work more hours, you'll make more money! Work harder!

I can attest to the fact that if you believe these things and accept them as truth - you will find yourself without friends, quite stressed and pretty sad. I didn't understand that I was at this point until I reunited with one of my best friends in NYC. We spent the day at the park in Brooklyn catching up and I was actually being my old self. My husband (who's also my business partner) looked at me at the end of the day, shocked by my carefree spirit. I cried on the plane ride home because I knew that (besides my husband and my brother) I didn't really have any friends back home. 

To be fair, I did have friends but by that point I had been such a lousy friend that I didn't believe that any of them would have any interest in sticking around. Thank goodness I was wrong. As soon as the plane's wheels hit the ground, I promised myself that I would be the friend I wanted...NEEDED. It had to start with me being less selfish and embracing vulnerability. 

Over the past few months, I've been so blessed by my friends. The smallest things like texting all day about goofy things instead of burying my head in work brighten my week. Booking trips to see the ones who live too far and sending care packages enrich my life. I know that only 8-10 months ago, I would have seen those things as distracting. I want to go back in time and hug that version of myself. Because that's honestly all I really was looking for. Nobody talks about this part of entrepreneurship but I hope to continue to help people realize that they're not alone. 

PS: If I want to get more real, I can NEVER spell "entrepreneur." Ever. Thank goodness for autocorrect. 

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Show Your Real is a series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often surface-y interactions of social media. We invite all of you to participate! Please comment, link, and hashtag to spread the #showyourreal love. If you would like to contribute a guest post in this series, please email me (cjsbowden at gmail dot com).