Saturday, June 18, 2011

Southern Living

When I grow up I want to be Southern. Yeah, I know that’s not how it works, but I think that there’s a real possibility that I was born on the wrong side of the Mason- Dixon. Sure there’s a lot of scary stereotypes about rednecks and backwoods, but I still sometimes have the urge to jump cultures and join the “other side”. My reasons include:

  • I’d get to say adorable things like “Bless her heart” and “Oh my word.”
  • I’d get to enjoy my great food loves: Chilck-fil-a, Coca-cola, Mac&Cheese, Sonic and Tea (iced and sweet). These are things that you can get in the north, but the south really “gets”.
  • Dustin could grow his hair long, get a side part, and wear an endless stream of candy colored polos with embroidered shorts.
  • We’d have a wrap around porch, and a 100 year old tree in the front yard with a tire swing.
  • My vocabulary would take a colorful turn- as I learned to incorporate sayings like “knee-high to a grasshopper” into my everyday speech.
  • Men would always hold open my door, let me on the elevator first, and generally treat me like the lady that I am (would be).
  • My son would wear overalls (until it stops being cute and starts being trashy) and have a best friend puppy that accompanies him everywhere. (The dog would grow along side him, watching him go off to college and stoically supporting him through the ups and downs of life until his little dog body gives out, and he passes away quietly, teaching our family lessons about what it means to love).
  • I’d have reunions with my sorority sisters where we’d all drink fancy lemonade and wear hats.
  • People would call me “ma’am” out of respect, not because they think I’m old.
  • Carrie Underwood would finally start returning my phone calls.
  • All of my luggage (and jewelry, and stationary, and sheets) would be monogrammed.
  • I could sit around with my old southern lady friends and gossip about the goings on about town, cringing at behavior that “just isn’t done.”
  • I’d be a die hard fan for some prestigious southern establishment like Auburn, or Clemson.
  • My kids would call their grandparents names like “GrammyPaw”.
  • I’d learn what a whippoorwill is.
  • I’d get to name my kids uppity things, loosely based on our family’s historic plantation past.

Sure- I might be romanticizing it a little (I mean, most of my exposure to the south comes from movies like Steel Magnolias, Fried Green Tomatoes and The Notebook.) And there are a ton of things about the South that I could do without (fishing, Walmart, camo hats). But it is fun to fantasize about cherry picking the best parts of another life (including actual cherry picking!) and making them mine. So if you need me, I’ll be in my rocking chair, listening to Randy Travis, reminiscing about my imaginary "good old days”.


  1. Forget Auburn and Clemson, and really forget 'Bama - - go dawgs!! Georgia Bulldogs - believe me, you can't get more southern than that (and it's your uncle Peter's alma mater).
    Good choice with Randy Travis, that's homespun country at its best!

  2. Yes! Your blog usually cracks me up, but this one takes the cake! Mmm, cake. From the time I’ve spent there with my family, I can testify that it truly is a different world. You need to meet my sweet-as-pie (mmm, pie) southern sister-in-law. Maybe you did at my wedding? She is all these things.

  3. Could you get any funnier? I've always wanted to be southern for blogging purposes just so I could say "Y'all" for emphasis. I think I did in one post, but I felt like a total poser.

    I would not do well with sweet tea, though. I have to have a good bit of tart lemon in my fresh brewed iced tea!

    Steel Magnolias and Fried Green Tomatoes are great movies. I can never tell who the old lady in the nursing home really is though. Is she Izzie? Please, shed some light on that subject for me! I feel like its obvious she can't be, but the jar of honey at the end always makes me wonder.

  4. Court, as a recent southern transplant, you know I MUST comment. And let me preface this with, I do like where I live... BUT:

    "Bless her heart" is a nice way of saying, "She is a total screw up". I like to think in the north, at least we're honest.

    I eat chick fil a WAY too often, the excitement goes away after a while, and they mess up my UN-sweet tea order at least once a week.

    I have no wrap-around porch, actually a rocking chair wouldn't even fit on my porch, and the 100 year old tree in the front yard lost some limbs the other night, and I don't feel like cleaning it up.

    Ma'am still makes your feel old.

    Whipperwhorls are annoying- remember them at rockbridge? It makes you want to buy a gun. Also annoying: the rooster that lives 40 feet from my bedroom window.

    SEC teams are terrible, their fans are worse. Stick with the buckeyes, even through thick and thin.

    Love you, ps does this mean you're having a BOY?!