Monday, October 10, 2011

From the peanut gallery...

When leaving work last week, I ran into a woman from Subway that I see from time to time smoking in our shared alley. I smiled as I walked by, and she announced loudly (from her perch on an upside-down milk crate)- “You look like you’re going to have that baby today!” I was taken aback slightly, because though I know I may have been waddling a tad (it had been a long day after all…) I didn’t think my current size implied impending delivery. ­I laughed it off, and said “Nope, not until November!”, but she was adamant, insisting “No way…that’s going to be your little pumpkin baby!” So I muttered a “We’ll see!”, smiled again and shuffled off to my car. Enjoy your cigarette, lady. Thanks for calling me fat.

But the unsolicited comments didn’t stop there. Dustin was out of town, so I headed off to pick up dinner at Wendy’s (maybe for the second day in a row…what are you, the Subway lady? Stop judging me!). And as I was waiting to pay for my bacon cheeseburger (and small fry, thank you very much) I heard the drive-thru employee squeal “oooooooh, look at that BAY-beeeeee!!” It took me a minute to realize she was referring to my belly, and even then I didn’t know exactly what to say, so I smiled and uttered a vague, “yeah…….it’s in there”. But she was undeterred by my lack of enthusiasm, (and oblivious to the line of cars behind me) and barreled on. “Giiiiiirrrrrllll, you so SMALL! When I was pregnant, I was…well, I had a small frame…but I was BIG! You so luck-Y!” (hopefully my attempt to type her inflection is working…it’s hard to do it justice). I never know what to say to comments about my size, so I typically attempt to defect the compliment to avoid sounding conceited. I responded, “Yeah, I still have some time to go though, so I could definitely get bigger!” She must have taken my cheerful tone as an excuse to continue our budding relationship, asking, “Why? You early?” I told her no, not really, that I just had a few weeks left, which really got her going. “Oh, girl, you so small! You gonna snap right back. Oh yeah. I’m so jealous! You gonna snap. right. BACK!” I interjected something about “not if I keep eating bacon cheeseburgers!” But she had made up her mind, and she continued to hurl compliments (can you do that? I’m pretty sure that’s what was happening) at me long after I pulled up to the second window. Not that I minded really….It’s certainly better than being heckled by a “sandwich artist” on her smoke-break.

So all that to say, in the land of pregnancy, you can’t really win. Some people will insist you’re “ready to pop!” (A verbatim comment I got in church last week, in addition to an “any day now!” prediction from a guy at work...) but just as quickly, others will assure you “you’re tiny” (thank you to the other woman at church who sprung to my defense) or “you can’t even tell from the back!” (something I actually here quite a lot, causing me to wonder who all these pregnant-from-behind women are). I try not to take it to heart though, because I think mostly people see a pregnant belly, can’t not say something, and end up just spouting off whatever comes to mind, regardless of how true, or appropriate it may be. As evidenced by a recent encounter with a stranger in my office bathroom, who after asking my due date, attempted to encourage me: “You don’t even look that bad!”

Thank you ma'am. Your sensible loafers aren’t even that ugly.

1 comment :

  1. You're beautiful and THE perfect size for a perfect baby! I used to hate when people would try to convince me I was having twins!!! Or the "must be any day now, huh?" "No, ma'am, i still have 3 months to go." {sigh}