Hi! I’m Lindsey. I am loud, stubborn, caring, sensitive, and always trying to make people happy. When Courtney asked me to be a part of her #showyourreal series, I was ecstatic. Touched. And honored. But mostly, I think I felt like my recent foray into the blog world is now finally… accepted, and by someone I admire.
Then I got scared. Because being real is scary. I just recently started my own blog (Courtney is a HUGE inspiration for this), and even though I do my best to be real and honest, I find that it’s hard. I like to make people smile. I don’t like to start fights, though I’m not one to back down once one has begun. And I constantly want acceptance (see first paragraph).
I am a new mother – just 7 months in. But my journey as a mother really began back in January at 26 weeks pregnant. Then and there I learned that what you thought you had figured out just… doesn’t happen.
I thought pregnancy would be fun and easy. After all, my mom had 3 super easy pregnancies and so did my sister. I ended up on bed rest at 26 weeks for the remainder of my pregnancy, with 2 hospital visits, each 3-4 days long. I’d do it all over again the same way if I had to, but I didn’t get to “show off” my baby belly. My husband and dog saw it every day, in leggings, in my bed. Because that’s the only place I could be. And those muscles I once had? Totally atrophied. Talk about baby weight!
I thought saying no to pain killers would be easy. Women have given birth without it for centuries, right? I ended up caving in… although I made it to 9cm… not sure why they let me at that point, but the doctor was actually pushing for it (which I’m not too upset about really).
After 12 weeks of bed rest and 37 weeks 6 days of pregnancy,
we welcomed our little bean into the world
I thought breastfeeding would be easy. Boy, was I wrong. And yet, here we are triumphing! It just took some tears and a lot of work to get us here :)
I thought putting my baby in her crib in a different room would be easy. I thought she’d be a great sleeper. Her momma is, surely she will be. Ha! We’ll save that one for another time…
I thought I would want to go back to work. I would get bored at home, I thought. It’s good for her to be with other people, I thought. I am back at work, but it hasn’t been easy at all.
I thought “bouncing back” into shape would be easy and that breastfeeding would help. Goodness gracious it is SO NOT EASY. I was very lucky and even though I was on bed rest for the last trimester, I still only managed to gain only 28 pounds, but I was over my “happy weight” to begin with. With that said, I’m not too far away from pre-pregnancy weight, but further away from my ultimate goal than I’d like. And building off of this one…
I thought eating enough for me and for producing enough milk for her would be easy. But sometimes when I lie in bed at 10 pm I’m all of a sudden famished and am hungry enough to eat a whole cow. Well, maybe not a whole cow. But part of one would work I think.
I thought I would know exactly what she wanted and that I’d be able to console her all the time. And yes, for the most part this is true and we’re in sync. But sometimes I just don’t know if she’s teething or tired or sick L
Getting tickled and giggles… all with a runny nose
I thought I’d do everything that everyone wants me to do, just the way I should be. Instead, I don’t always agree with everything, including my own momma. That is a hard pill to swallow since I have always looked up to her and count her as one of my best friends.
I thought that people who cloth diapered were for the birds. I am a crazy recycler… known to take the things home that my office won’t recycle. But I never thought I’d be so pro cloth. Yea… now I use gDiapers and LOVE LOVE LOVE them (end blatant gDiaper promotion).
I thought still giving attention to our dog (our first child, four legs and all), would be easy. Instead the poor guy suffers from what my husband lovingly refers to as NPS, Neglected Puppy Syndrome. We do our best to give him daily walks, pets, and hugs, but I know the attention he used to get would never be the same. I do, however, LOVE watching him interact with Cora and know that they are only beginning their journey of being best friends.
He’s so good with her :)
I thought I’d definitely be all for date nights and me-time. Instead I feel guilty leaving her. I want alone time with my husband for sure, but I feel guilty for it. Then I feel guilty for feeling guilty for wanting to spend time with my husband alone, because I should want to, right? Catch 22.
And I thought it’d be all sunshine and rainbows forever and ever. This might not be all true, but there are definitely moments when I am so lost and scared that the rainbow seems so far away.
Fast-forward to today. I now have a 7.5 month old who has changed my life in every possible way. I have always been emotional, but I look at her and start to cry because of the overwhelming amount of love I have for her and the 12 weeks that her daddy and I were brought closer together as we tried to keep her healthy and in the womb.
I’ll figure it out. And she’ll be okay, because I love her. Isn’t that all she really needs? LOVE? Everything else will just fall into place. So I’m throwing the plans out the window… tomorrow is another day. Another mountain to climb. Another rainbow to reach.
My real? I’m a scared, flawed mother just trying to do her best and raise my child in this big, bad, scary, but beautiful world. Thank goodness I have an amazing (and handsome!) hubby to help me.
Show Your Real is a bi-weekly series of guest posts centered around the concept of authenticity. The goal is to encourage each other to expose the reality of our lives- good and bad- and to foster a sense of community that goes beyond the often suface-cy interactions of social media. We invite all of you to participate! Please comment, link, and hashtag to spread the showyourreal love. If you would like to contribute a guest post in this series, please email me!