Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Little Pip-Speaks: Volume 31

My kids are honestly some of the funniest kids I know. And as they get older, sometimes they're even making me laugh on purpose. I've got four months of quips in the queue here, so brace yourselves for the onslaught of one-liners.

Pip-speak #1:
Mama: Your teacher seems like just the nicest.
Piper: Yeah. Except for when our friends pee on the toilet seat. That happened two times today and she is not ok with it at all. 

Pip-speak #2:
Mama: We’re going to a new Chick-Fil-A.
Piper: It’s right by a Walmart? Please tell me we don't have to go in there. That’s the smells weird store.
 Pip-speak #3:
{Hearing a loud bang in the parking lot}
Piper: What was that noise?
Mama: I don’t know!
Piper: Well, it sounds like something I don’t want to get killed by.  

Pip-speak #4:
Mama: How was your day?
Piper: Guess what we learned? Guinster {the guinea pig we were pet-sitting} can fit under the TV cabinet! But we got him. And I cleaned up the poop. And don’t worry. We already washed all his hair out of your mixing bowl. 
Pip-speak #5:
Mama: I couldn't remember all the kids' names in your class if you gave me a thousand dollars.
Piper: I'll tell you all my best friends and you can see if you can remember. {lists a bunch of friends, putting up a finger to count each one...names one kid specifically that I didn't think was her favorite...}
Mama: I thought you didn’t like him because he doesn’t help in gym?Piper: Well, he did sit next to me at lunch so he gets a half finger.

Pip-speak #6:
Piper: Ikea's food is so good. Because they serve their food warm and never hot.

Pip-speak #7:
Chelsea {their friend}: Boys are badder than girls.
Fin: Yeah. Girls are gooder.
Piper: But miller is awesome at being cute.

Pip-speak #8:
G’mi {getting super frustrated}: GET. YOUR. SHOES. ON.
Piper: Did you even know you had that voice?

Pip-speak #9:
Piper: Why do you have to go to training?
Mama: To learn how to be good parents. to you guys and to foster kids.
Piper: Well, I don’t think being a good parent means leaving us!!

Pip-speak #10:
Piper {not wanting to share bathroom space with Miller}: Miller...Your bathroom...is your diaper. 

Pip-speak #11:
Piper: Is there such a thing as a laugh brain?
Mama: A what?
Piper: When you laugh so hard that your brain hurts? Because that’s what I have.

Pip-speak #12:
Piper: I hope there’s Florida in heaven. Because then I can go to the beach with God.   

Pip-speak #13:
Piper: Were you ever in a wedding?
Daddy: Yep.
Piper: What were you? A mini bridesboy?

Pip-speak #14:
Piper: Fin let’s make a deal, you give me the flamingo raft or I’ll throw all of these toys in the pool and you’ll have to get them.
Mama: I don’t think that’s a deal. That’s more of a threat.
Piper: Well, I call it a deal-threat. 

Pip-speak #15:
Piper: Miller, you can be a mer-man and I’ll be a mer-girl!
Pip-speak #16:
Mama: You remember so many things. Your brain must be full.
Piper: Actually, it has 100 more space in it.  
Pip-speak #17:
Mama: Do you think your friends would like to play on your swingset?
Piper: Yeah! It has two swings! Everything you could ever want!

Pip-speak #18:
Mama: Guys, today is Friday! It’s the weekend!
Piper: Friday isn’t the weekend. But it is the weekend eve!

Pip-speak #19:
Mama: At the airport they were giving people a lot of money if they wanted to give up their plane ticket.
Piper: So what did you do?
Mama: I came home.
Piper: Because having a lot of money is nice but being with us is even better.

Pip-speak #20:
Fin {regarding frozen yogurt}: It just tastes better when I mix them.
Mama: You do you, lady
Piper: And she...will do she.
Finnish #1:
Fin {while coloring}: Can you draw something beautiful while I cut these out? Just draw something that inspires you. Do you know what “inspire” means? It means beautiful, just don’t draw a princess.

Finnish #2:
Fin {eating ice cream}: Mama, I like yours, but not as best as mine.

Finnish #3:
Fin: I wish I was a boy.
Ms. Heather: How come? 
Fin: Because they don't have to wipe when they pee.

Finnish #4:
Fin {describing her first day of school}: We didn’t read any books but I did learn to read. But not that good. 
Finnish #5:
Fin: Mom, how many fostercares can we take? Two? Three?
Mama: You mean how many kids can stay with us? Two.
Fin: Aw. I wanted it to be three. If I were a mom I want 3. One who’s 4, one who's 3 and a tiny newborn baby. 

Finnish #6:
Fin {after G'mi told her that her cousin was coming over to play}: Well you better up your game, lady, and push me in the swing before he gets here. 
Finnish #7:
Mama: For your wedding you can wear whatever you want.
Fin: For my wedding I’m going to be naked.
Mama: What’s you’re husband going to wear?
Fin: Just underwear and a bow tie.  Fin: I was dying for thirst.  
Finnish #8:
Miller {putting on his "cool dude" sunglasses, and seeing Fin is putting on hers too}: I don’t want you to be a cool dude.
Fin: Sorry. Already am. 
Finnish #9:
Fin: I want an Icee from there. And if they don’t have that, I’ll have a slushie. 
Finnish #10:
Mama {on the last day of school}: Fin, how was your last day?
Fin: Too good to share.
Miller Musings #1:
{During a backyard game of football, Fin and her friend Kaitlin huddle up to "talk strategy". Piper tries with her teammate...}
Piper: Miller, what’s our game plan?
Miller: To play football!

Miller Musings #2: 
Mama: Let's go, kids. We’re gonna run a button loop.
Miller: What’s a buttloop?
Miller Musings #3:
{On the way home from the fair, Miller hands me his Kona ice...}
Miller: That’s enough sugar. Don’t want my belly to get sick!
Mama: That's really smart to listen to your body when you've had enough.
Miller: Yeah. 'Cuz last time you said- ‘that’s enough cotton candy!’
 Miller Musings #4:
{discussing fires, after seeing a fire engine}
Miller: Mama, if you were a fire girl you could rescue us.
Miller Musings #5: 
Miller: Wanna do a little pot?
Daddy: What?!
Miller: Wanna do a little pot?
Daddy: .....Um, do you mean do I want to sing little teapot?
Miller: Yeah. 
Miller Musings #6: Piper {talking about a friend who was coming to visit}: I wonder how Elliott got red hair. Because his mom doesn’t have that and his dad doesn’t have that.
Miller: Maybe we put watermelon on his head and he got red watermelon hair!

Miller Musings #7:
Miller {Seeing the flamingo raft is running out of air}: The flamingo’s dying!! 
Miller Musings #8:
Jacob {the kids' cousin, regarding Miller}: I think he’s going to be a tomgirl.

Dynamic Duo #1:
Fin: I know what you’re putting on. It’s mascara. But it doesn’t actually make people scared. Piper: But it is kind of a mask. Fin: Yeah, but it doesn’t make people scared. Piper: Yeah. It makes people like you.  

Dynamic Duo #2:
{swimming in the lake together...}
Piper: I’m getting nervous. And when I get nervous, I get hungry. Fin: When I get nervous, I pee!  

Dynamic Duo #3: 
Fin: I will tell you what I’m going to write on my card for Miller. "I love you, Miller. You are so cute and so adorable." 
Piper: I think... you have never ever said something that nice about somebody before.  

P.s. If you have all the heart eyes for their crazy mouths, check out the last round...or allllll of 'em.
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