Tuesday, February 16, 2021

Little Pip-Speaks: Volume 35

I have an ongoing note in my phone where I save quips from the kids, and I realized I haven't input them into a blog post since last June. Do you know how many funny things kids can say in that amount of time? I believe the official number is: 1,0000-infinity-mind-boggle. So for posterity's sake...here we go:


Pip-speak #1:
Piper: {Referring to a pom pom dog craft} I made him for G’mi and Papa because he looks old just like they are because he has a mustache.

Pip-speak #2:
Piper: When a woman says later she means never. 

Pip-speak #3:
Mama: {complimenting Dustin on untangling a stuffed dog leash} Daddy’s just really good at that.
Piper: What, mind blowing his wife?

Pip-speak #4:
Mama: {At the end of Piper's birthday} Was there anything you dreamed of that we didn’t do?
Piper: It was all that and more.

Pip-speak #5:
Mama: Do you remember what a one hit wonder is? Someone with only one really good song.
Piper: Oh! Like Vincent Van Gogh!
Mama: Ummmm, no.
Piper: I mean his paintings
Mama: Still no.

Pip-speak #6:
Mama: {Cleaning out the drain} Man, I get all the best jobs.
Piper: I mean, you do. Because you get to listen to every word Miller says. Even the funny ones.

Pip-speak #7:
Mama: Is there EVER a time when all 4 kids are happy at the same time?
Piper: Disney. I smile all day there! I bet I smile in my sleep there.

Pip-speak #8:
Piper: Jess said she wanted a blue tongued skink for her twenty...umm...twenty-two...twenty-two-th birthday.

Pip-speak #9:
Piper: Well there are jandals.
Mama: What are jandals?
Piper: Japanese sandals. Don’t you know?

Pip-speak #10:
Piper: I tried to make you an origami corgi. It turned out as good as you thought it would. (If you thought it would be bad, you were right).

Pip-speak #11:
Piper: Do I have bangs?
Mama; No.

Pip-speak #12:
Piper: We’ve only been celebrating my birthday for 10 minutes and it’s already the best day of my life.

Pip-speak #13:   
Piper: You raised me very well.
Mama: Oh- am I done? Are you fully cooked?
Piper: No. I still forget to wipe my mouth after I eat.

Pip-speak #14:
Piper: I've been meaning to ask you, what do married people do? Like when they don’t have kids what do they do all day?
Mama: anything they want!
Piper: but what do they do all day, isn’t it boring?
Mama: well they still have jobs. But at night they can do what they want.
Piper: that sounds like they’d be bored out of their minds.

Pip-speak #15:
Piper: {regarding Fin and me} She really must have a little bit of you in her. Because she’ll talk to anyone!

Pip-speak #16:
Piper: Today was the best day ever!
Mama: yeah, it’s fun to spoil you guys sometimes.
Piper: That’s what G’mi does all the time.
Mama: I know! She’s got the best job. Meanwhile, I have to have rules and make sure you turn into a good person.
Piper: So she doesn’t do anything but ruin your hard work?


Finnish #1:
Fin: {discussing modeling the fruit of the Spirit} I know one thing that will happen if you do all that. You’ll get a biiiiiig present from Santa!

Finnish #2:
Fin: Mommy, do you know what I did? I woke up because I had to go potty so I took my clothes into the bathroom and then I put them on and then I put my jammies on over them and got back in bed so when it was time to wake up, all I had to do was unzip them and then I could go watch TV.

Finnish #3:
Fin: Working might be boring but not if you’re the president. If you’re the president you buy expensive chairs, build a castle with your builders, make $100,000...

Finnish #4:
Daddy: Why do we have so many stuffies and why do they have to go in the car with us?
Fin: They don’t have to, they GET to.

Finnish #5:
Fin: {explaining species of marine life at the zoo} They were circle sting rays instead of the flappity ones.

Finnish #6:
Fin: Is it even possible that a person could see two squirrels at the same time? Beacause I totally just did that.

Finnish #7:
Finley: {on a bike ride} Oh I remember this place. Now the whole way home is the back of my hand.

Finnish #8:
Finley: Mama, you are super wonderful and powerful, because God made the baby inside of you, but YOU had to get it out by yourself. And producing the baby alive is the tough part. 

Finnish #9:
Finley: Nails are like little helmets for your fingers.

Finnish #10:
Finley: I saw a sign in that window that was a person with its arms out and I think it was trying to give the whole world a hug.

Finnish #11:
Fin: I’m so hungry I want to eat my own tongue.

Finnish #12:
Fin: Jammie-picnic-movie-dinner. It can’t get any excitinger than that!
Finnish #13:
Fin: You guys should just buy me a phone and then I wouldn’t have to ask you which way is left. I would just ask Siri.

Finnish #14:
Fin: {putting on yet another "show" for us in the playroom} You know you’re my fans, right?

Finnish #15:
Fin: {turning recycling into art} There is no such thing as too many boxes, Miller.

Finnish #16:
Mama: I still don’t have my robot to clean all my dishes.
Fin: Just ask papa. He probably has an extra tire.
Mama: Is that what we need?
Fin: How else would he get around?

Finnish #17:
Fin: {while I scratched her back} Yeah- that’s what you do sometimes at night and it makes my belly suck in without me even doing it.

Finnish #18:
Fin: {on her scooter} Last time I tried to be a cool girl. Like doing sharp turns and stuff.

Finnish #19:
Fin: Mama! There are balloons and the big one?? I blew up with my very own mouth!


Miller Musings #1:
Miller: Why are they called star fish? Because they’re shaped like a star but they’re not fish... And why are they called sand dollars? Because they’re not made out of sand and they’re not dollars.

Miller Musings #2:
Miller: Mom that would be scary if Santa was a dinosaur bc he would say “Ho, ho, roar!”
Mama: But that’d be cool if Santa had dinosaurs instead of reindeer.
Miller: Well, they’d probably be triceratops because they have horns. but they’d probably have to have different kinds of dinosaurs, because, I mean...T-rexes ARE kinda heavy, so they probably couldn't fly.

Miller Musings #3:
Miller: Mom, I was thinking me and Fin could do a world record for most whipped cream liking.
Mama: Oooooh- Who would win between the two of you? Or would it be a tie?
Miller: DEFINITELY Fin.   

Miller Musings #4:
Miller: {during bedtime prayers} God, I pray that mommy and daddy do not have a frustrating life.

Miller Musings #5:
Miller: Why are you laughing?
Mama: Because you’re funny.
Miller: I can be funny when I want to be.
Mama: yes. But sometimes you’re funny when you don’t mean to be.
Miller: Sometimes I just talk and it’s funny. Like right now.

Miller Musings #6:
Daddy: {in the car} Is everyone buckled? Miller?!
Miller: No! I’m always a dingle hopper!

Miller Musings #7:
Miller: I’ve had a hangnail so long I even know what it’s called.

Miller Musings #8:
Miller: Dancer and prancer rhyme! Ooooh. One of them dances, and one of them bounces! Wait- what does prance mean?

Miller Musings #9:
Miller: {playing "Go Fish" with Fin, and she's peeking at his cards} Fin, stop doing that. You’re wrecking my bee’s wax.

Miller Musings #10:
Miller: Are you going on a date? What’s even the point if you can’t kiss because you have to wear a mask?

Miller Musings #11:
Mama: {trying to get Miller to guess a dinosaur} Think of something big and green.
Miller: I can’t think of anything.
Mama: What about an animal...it’s extinct!
Miller: I don’t know what that means
Mama: It means it’s dead. There aren’t any of them anymore.
Miller: OHHHH I KNOW. It’s a PARROT!

Miller Musings #12:
Miller: I don’t remember that. Because small people don’t have big memories.

Miller Musings #13:
Mama: How many crayons are there?
Miller: 8
Mama: Good job! Can you show me eight with your hands?
Miller: {contorts his hands into two circles, one on top of each other}
Mama: I kiiiiinda meant could you hold up 8 fingers. But that works too.

Miller Musings #14:
Mama: Miller! I put my shirt on inside out!
Miller: I thiiiiink you pulled a miller. And I pulled a Miller too. Because I put my FOOT in my SLEEVE!

Miller Musings #15:
Mama: Which one is your left hand?
Miller: This one. But then when I turn around...this one is my right!

Miller Musings #16:
Miller: {arguing over who gets to cuddle who} Finley, Mommy is the same as Daddy only she smells gooder.

Miller Musings #17:
Miller: I wish we were the magic family.
Mama: Yeah? What would we do?
Miller: We could make fireworks...for the day! And rainbows when it doesn’t even rain! And put people in time out!
Mama: That’s what we’d use our magic for?
Miller: Yep. One clap, and they’d be glued to the spot. But when they calmed down: magic.

Miller Musings #18:
Miller: I’m so hot tears just came down from my head.

Miller Musings #19:
Miller: This will be the awesomest day of my life. I got glow sticks, I got to go to Gmi’s house and I get to go to a light show.

Miller Musings #20:
Miller: The worst part about tongues is you can’t put a bandaid on them.

Miller Musings #21:
Miller: Drawing is easy. But I’ve never done reading before so I don’t know how hard that is.

Miller Musings #22:
Miller: Mom, when I’m sleepy I yawn. But I KNOW it's bedtime. They don’t have to remind me.

Miller Musings #23:
Miller: But guys, the worst part about having a dog....is that when you’re making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich they’ll get the peanut butter right out of your hand!

Miller Musings #24:
Me: Should I trust you with this popcorn in the car?
Miller: That’s really a question you should be asking yourself.

Miller Musings #25:
Miller: {singing} Ooh ooh shut up and dance with me. Mom! Why would anyone dance with you if you say shut up to them? That’s not nice.

Miller Musings #26:
Mama: {rubbing Miller's head at bedtime and gets hand caught in his hair}
Miller: Yeah, some of my hairs have loops in them.

Miller Musings #27:
Miller: I don’t know what milky ways taste like.
Mama: Like a snickers without the peanuts.
Miller: OH- NOW I know how you can tell- by the reading on it. That’s how you know- by the symbols on the reading.


Dynamic Duo #1:
Fin: {riding bikes with Miller} I’m like, SO close to you. Just let me pass you.
Miller: I said no, Fin. And no means NO.
Fin: Well then I’m going to be mad at you for the rest of your LIFE.

Dynamic Duo #2:
Mama: Want to try this cheese?
Piper: What’s it called?
Mama: Applewood Smoked Cheddar.
Piper: Oh- it tastes like wood.
Miller: Well, wood is a little more hard

Dynamic Duo #3:
Finley: I have an idea. If you buy a gun to shoot a chipmunk then you can give us the dead chipmunk and the gun and we will put it on the ground in front of our strawberry and the other chipmunks won’t eat it.
Miller: If you make a gun that looks like chipmunk then they would try to make friends with it and then it would shot him.

Dynamic Duo #4:
Fin: I SAID- if you don’t do what I say I’m gonna ignore you for the rest of my life.
Miller: Yeah well did you hear my promise? It’s even worser.
Fin: No way. Mine is worser. Because I’m gonna ignore you until forever. I’m never gonna talk to you again. I’ll only text you...when you get a phone.
Fin: That’s not how you ignore. It starts...NOW!

Dynamic Duo #5:
Mama: One of my biggest problems with Trump is how he treats women. He is very disrespectful to women.
Fin: If he’s mean to women, how come he’s married?
Mama: Great question. I really don’t know why she’s with him. Probably because he has a lot of money.
Piper: Well that’s bad. So you want to get rid of him before we’re older so he can’t treat us bad?
Mama: Kind of. I don’t want him to be president anymore because I don’t want anyone thinking that the way he acts is OK.
Piper: Well we could be nice since he isn’t!
Fin: Yes and then we’ll have more boys that want to marry us!!

Dynamic Duo #6:
Piper: If you had to, would you be a foot doctor or a nose doctor or a privates doctor?
Fin: Or one of the people that has to dig to get the baby out?

Dynamic Duo #7:
Mama: When you’re old enough to have a Valentine what are you going to do together?
Pip: Go on roller coasters. And when it’s scary we’ll scream and hug.
Fin: Love each other for infinity. 

P.s. If you just can't get enough, check out the last round...or all 30 installments.

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