A Word with You: Same

When I was little, my world was pretty finite. I had experience in one small little sphere, and I pretty much assumed that everyone else's experiences (and traditions, and opinions...) were the same as mine. Sure, I understood that there were big differences- my parents were divorces, which I knew wasn't the case for everyone. And we did enough multi-cultural studies in girl scouts to teach me that there were little kids all over the world that had lives very different than mine. But when it came to the little things of life- the routines that were so routine that we barely noticed we did them anymore- I figured those were all pretty constant for others. 

Every house has a rhythm of what's normal, and once you're in that groove, there are a lot of things that happen without conscious planning. You just do what you do because that's what you do. In my house, some of those things were: 

• Sitting down to dinner together nightly at 5:30 (or almost every night). 
• Driving to Florida every Spring Break, sleeping in the backseat while our parents downed Yoo-hoos to stay awake for their shifts at the wheel.
• Visiting Mr. Bulky's Candy Shop on a regular basis to fill up our kitchen gumball machine and stock up on jawbreakers.
• Going out to dinner to celebrate getting our grade cards each quarter
• Eating cereal for breakfast, and mom-packed lunches (unless it was hamburger day in the cafeteria- can't miss out on that!).
• Recording dorky messages on the answering machine (one involved singing the Beach Boys' "Barbara Ann" in 4 part harmony....and no, I don't remember why.)
• Leaving notes for each other on the counter whenever we left- giving details of where we were, when we'd be back etc. (life before cell phones! Imagine!)
• Playing kick the can every night in the summer with all the kids in the neighborhood (who, for various reasons, I would barely see during the school year).
• Watching pretty much limitless TV (or if you were my sister- listening to music nonstop, at a near deafening level- for real- Her bedroom door had to be soundproofed.)
• Having "pity parties" when one of us girls had a bad day, where we'd eat pretzel rods with sour cream and just allow ourselves to be bummed.
• Participating in band, orchestra, dance, choir, and drama classes.
• Playing at SAAC (School Aged After Care) in the afternoons at my mom's school until she was ready to go home.
• Attending church every Sunday (plus daycamp every summer, and eventually youth group every week). 
• Hosting all kinds of guests- sometimes for weeks or months at a time if a friend (or friend of a friend) needed somewhere to stay. 
• Throwing big themed birthday parties.
• Drinking Diet Caffeine Free Pepsi- straight out of the can, no ice. (we kept it in the coat closet).
• Shopping for a full day spree each August for a new "Back to School" wardrobe.

As I grew up, and gained more perspective, I found that these things were not necessarily the way everyone did things. When I slept over at friends' house, or ate dinner with them, or heard their weekend plans, I learned that there were parts of "their normal" that didn't match mine. Some of it was subtle- friends who ate dinner at 8pm...and some were bigger- families who weren't involved at a church.....

And I began to see that differences weren't limited to what we did....many were related to what we didn't do:

My parents never drank (alcohol...or coffee, actually. But no, we weren't mormon. I think they just didn't like either one very much). We didn't have much family close by (only my one set of grandparents was local). We always drove on vacation. We didn't do league sports outside of school (no weekend t-ball, or nightly soccer games). We never had music on in the house (again- except for my sister). We didn't watch TV during meals. My parents never had to travel for business.

But none (or very little) of this is make-or-break stuff. If your family wasn't as into candy as ours (and not many people can rival my mom's sweet tooth)...that's cool. If your birthday parties were all at Chuck-E-Cheese...that's cool too. Sure, there are some merits in a lot of our habits- like eating dinner as a family, or shunning TV in favor of talking at the table. But there are a ton of other traditions that are equally bonding and healthy that we might never have done. 

Now that I have a family of my own, (and a husband with a childhood pretty much the opposite of mine in every way) I realize that there isn't just one way to do things. Dustin grew up with family all around him, and sports were a huge part of their routine, so I can't relate to him a ton on that. And he remembers a fair number of McDonald's trips as a kid, whereas we were strictly a Wendy's family. (He has happily converted to my side on that issue). But he also had divorced, working parents, so we understand what that looks like in a household. 

There seem to be a million ways to make things work, and we now have the opportunity to craft what is normal for us. Some of that we do without even thinking....But some of it, we're able to talk, and dream, and (sometimes) argue our way through. Should we both work? Can we have dinner together at the table every night? What do we want our weekends to look like? How do we divide the labor around the house? Will we be able to take family vacations...to where...how often...?

It's important to me to live intentionally. As much as possible, I want to take things off auto-pilot long enough to examine our choices and habits- to make sure we're building the life we want. A life we can be proud of. A life our girls will remember fondly when they've moved out to start lives of their own. 

But it's also important to me to allow our routine to ebb and flow. We can pick and choose what works for us...and we can change it as soon as it stops working. There will be dramatic changes over the course of our life as we move through different seasons with different needs.

Our life may not look the same as yours. Or the same as what we were accustomed to as kids. Or even the same as our own life a month ago or a month from now. And that is just fine by me.

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Meg and I would love to have a word with you.  

Join the link up below to share your thoughts on "Same".

Then stop by some new blogs and say hello!

We're contemplating taking a break from the series next month...but if you are all clamoring for more:   link up, comment, email....somehow let us know and we'd be delighted to keep it rolling. (And if you have a suggestion for a word you'd like to focus on- shout it out- we're all ears!

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A Word With You :: Green

The word "green" has a lot of uses in popular expression. When thinking about what I wanted to write about this week, I was torn in all different directions...so I'm just rolling with it, and giving you snippets of my thoughts. This is my brain on "Green":

Green thumb
There are some things in life that I am just not gifted at. Ok. A lot of things. But one of them for sure is gardening. I'm bad. Like, can't keep a potted plant alive. My yard is a hot, hot mess (in a bad way) with dead bushes everywhere, and weeds overgrowing anything that might still be living. Do I want a beautiful landscape around my home? Uh....sure! But do I have any confidence in my ability to create that? Nope, not at all. But beyond that, I really don't have a desire to become a gardener. (sorry, mom!) I see beautiful gardens, trellises, and veggie patches in magazines and Pinterest, and I clip/pin them for someday. But I'm starting to realize that unless something changes (like...I all of a sudden become "outdoorsy", and "not lazy"), that someday isn't ever going to come. 

Are you at home in a green house? Or does your thumb tend to skew towards black?

Greenhorn
You'd think after 16 months with a little one, as well as another 16 months of pregnancy, I'd feel like a pretty experienced mom by now. But you...would be wrong. Sure, there are things that are second nature to me now: I can diaper a screaming, flailing Piper without batting an eye, and I can hold a newborn without panicking that I'm in danger of snapping its neck if I move wrong. But there are other areas where I'm just as green as I was before becoming a parent. New moms, or moms-to-be often ask me things and I'm shocked about how much I don't know...or at least how much I've forgotten. I genuinely have no idea how often or how much infants are supposed to eat, and I'm terrible at reciting typical ages for common milestones like sitting up or sleeping through the night. I was hoping that muddling through raising our second child wouldn't be such a mystery to me but now I worry that it's not all going to come back to me, and I'll have to spend nights scrolling through my iphone searching for tips on the wild ride that is life with a newborn. 

The one thing that gives me hope (in a strange, backwards sense) is a friend of mine with five kids. (yes, FIVE!) asks me questions about parenting. It had been a few years since her last baby (twins!) and this was her first girl, so it's understandable that some things were new. But beyond that...talking with her made me realize that no matter how much experience you have...there may always be a sense that you're still new at this. I figure if she's still asking questions, figuring things out and trying new tactics, then I shouldn't be expected to have it all the answers either. Each new stage, and new child will come with their own unique challenges, and I'll likely feel like a rookie more days than not.

Are you still a greenhorn in an area of your life? Did you think you would have mastered it by now?

Green around the gills

There aren't many things that really turn my stomach. But I do have a few quirks... 

• One- I can't deal with seeing or hearing people throw up. I'm sure that's not a rare feeling, but it flashes in my brain every time I go in a public restroom. The odds of someone being sick while I'm in there? Probably infinitesimal. But if I even see feet facing the wrong way, I'm out of there.
• Two- as a kid, I refused to wear velvet. I told my mom it made my stomach hurt. I wasn't great at explaining it, but looking back I think it was the feeling of rubbing the grain of the fabric the wrong way that got me. It just sort of makes my hair stand on end. I can tolerate it now, but I still don't think I'll be dressing my girls up in velvet holiday dresses anytime soon.
• Three- floral foam. Ugh. I can barely even type the words without getting all squeamish. The sound, but mostly the feeling of something poking into a green block of foam gives me the heebie jeebies. People at work know about it (hazard of the job- I do have to deal with foam every once in a while) and if they want to get me riled up they'll rub pieces together in front of me, or poke some with pencils. Jerks, I tell ya.

What makes you green around the gills?

The grass is always greener on the other side
I have a lovely life. A lovely life. But sometimes I think about what it would be like to do it all over again, and make completely different choices. Not because I don't like the life I've been given...just because it's fun to imagine what could have been. What if I studied abroad (I always wanted to go somewhere to work on my Spanish)? What if I had majored in physical education for children with disabilities (a dream I had in high school)? What if I had taken job offers in Minnesota or New York City after graduation?

It's crazy to think that changing any choice, big or small, could alter the course of my entire life. Trying out for the cheerleading team probably wouldn't affect the rest of my existence (or would it?) but had I not gone to Young Life camp for the exact assignment I did, I would have never met my husband (and then where would I be? Somewhere decidedly less "green" I'm sure.) I suppose it's less of a feeling that the other side would be "greener" and more about the curiosity of another side in general...whatever it may look like.

Do you have any greener pastures you wish you had explored? 

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Meg and I would love to have a word with you.  

Join the link up below to share your thoughts on "Green".

Then stop by some new blogs and say hello!

And we'd be delighted to have you join us next month. Our word for April :: Same
Link up will be Monday, April 29th.

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A Word With You :: Green

Sorry for the delay on announcing this month's word. We're three months in, and I'm already losing track! But don't worry, there's still time to be a part of this month's link up.

Our word for March :: Green

Third verse, same as the first: no rules, just write something that ties in with this month's word in some way. On Monday, March 25th, we'll host a link up so that you can share your word with us!


Check out other Word With You editions:
(make sure to scroll to the bottom to see posts from all of the participants)
January :: "Direction"
February :: "Ordinary"

And feel free to spread “the word” on twitter and instagram: #awordwithyou, and grab a button for your sidebar:

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A Word with You- Ordinary

Ordinary.

See also:
Lame
Boring
Not special
Plain
Forgettable

At least in my mind...
I'm sure I'm like a lot of people in thinking that ordinary is a negative word. At best it means harmless or average, but even then, it still seems like a bummer of a concept. I mean, who ever says they want to be ordinary? No one I've ever heard. Most of us want to be extraordinary. The best! Famous, top-notch, notable, memorable, set apart, revered! And you don't become those things by being ordinary.

Or do you? 

Can you?

I've talked before about how I'm a type-a striver. I'm a believer that anything worth doing is worth doing well. (And for money, but that's another story for another day). So while I don't have to be the best at everything, I do at least want the chance to excel. But there are so many tasks in life that are necessary, but don't come with the opportunity for glory. Being a corporate cog, raising kids, keeping a clean house...so much of what we have to do each day is ordinary. Sure, we can do those things to the best of our ability, but rarely does everyday life present us with opportunities to be seen as anything really exceptional. 

Right? 

Or is that a lie? 
A lie that I've been tricked into believing... Life isn't a competition (nor should it be) but on the other hand- living well is something to take pride in. Or it should be! Somewhere along the line I've convinced myself that if no one is handing out trophies, then my efforts must be going unnoticed.

So what if we took a minute to recognize the value that comes with being "ordinary"? The world needs people that work more than they talk. People who encourage rather than boast. People that support others instead of promoting themselves. Being "ordinary" may not be a negative trait. It can mean that you're willing to put your head down and really get things done- regardless of who's watching. Or that you're humble enough to take a servant's role when the rest of the world is clamoring to be masters.

I'm not sure I want to live my life with one eye on the casket, but I do sometimes think about the legacy I'll leave when I'm gone. Do I want people to wax poetic at my funeral about what an extraordinary hip hop dancer, mommy blogger, Popsicle stick joke teller, or other fill-in-the-blank accomplisher I was? Well...yes. Part of me does want to be remembered as a unique and irreplaceable force of a woman (Dustin- go ahead and jot that down in case I die first. Or feel free to start referring to me that way in all future birthday cards). But the true measure for me? The way I'll know that I "done good"? Will be the ordinary. Did I love often? Did I listen well? Was someone, somewhere just a little bit better off each day because of something I did?

Sure, there's worth in being the best. Having a gift, honing a talent, and showing off a skill with pride. But there's also value in being part of the 99%. An ordinary, run-of-the-mill, neighbor, family member, friend and partner to others. God has given us each unique talents, and it's absolutely in His will that we use them...but for His glory. Not ours. He adores who He has created me to be, but He certainly doesn't need my spectacular design skills, my flawless way with words or my mind-blowing ability to guess what time it is without having seen a clock for hours, to accomplish His divine plan. If I'm lucky (or more accurately- if I'm obedient), He'll allow me be used by Him, and those gifts He's given me will shine...Shine light back to Him. And a little less attention on ME and WHAT I CAN DO might make me seem a bit more ordinary. And I'm learning to be ok with that.

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Meg and I would love to have a word with you.  

Join the link up below to share your Ordinary thoughts.

Then stop by some new blogs and say hello!

A Word with You: Ordinary

Last month was our first "A Word With You" link up, and it was a great success. It forced me to write...plus I got to read other great posts on the subject, and continue the conversation with a larger group. If you missed "Direction", check it out here (scroll to the bottom to see all of the participants.) And if you missed being a part of it- you've got another chance this month!

Our word for February :: Ordinary

Again- no rules, just write something that ties in with this month's word in some way. On Monday, February 25th, we'll host a link up so that you can share your with us!

Feel free to spread “the word” on twitter and instagram: #awordwithyou, and grab a button for your sidebar:

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A Word with You: Direction

Last Summer, my sister shared a phrase with me that has resonated ever since: 

“Start as you mean to go on.”

She was saying it in reference to parenting, basically meaning you should approach each task with the end result in mind, and act in a way that will get you there. It’s total common sense, but sometimes the things that are most logical, or obvious, are still the hardest to actually carry out. 

I consider myself a goal oriented and strategic person, but still I find myself at times wading through life as if I don’t have a plan. And sometimes....I don’t. I have a vision of the end goal- how I want my life to look in the not-too distant future, but I’m not always the best about setting out (or executing) a path to get me there. For example- I’d love to have dinner every night as a family. But do I meal plan, and grocery shop, and strive to get out of work on time, and resist the urge to just pick up pizza? Not always. And I’d love to feel fit, and strong, and maintain my flexibility throughout this pregnancy. But do I make working out a top priority? Ummmmm, no.

I can see the road from point A to point B, but it can be hard to get my feet moving in that direction. It’s seems so non-sensical. Especially to such a black and white logic lover like myself. I shouldn’t expect my life, my job, my marriage, or my family to magically turn out a certain way, without intentional steps towards that end. But sometimes life seems to go so quickly that days, weeks, or months pass with us just mindlessly moving, verses purposefully striving.
This year I didn't make resolutions. I didn't have a great reason not to. But I think I was a bit overwhelmed with the idea of all that's on my plate right now, so the idea of making a list of more must do's just wasn't appealing. But a concept I thought sounded intriguing, is rather than making resolutions, writing out a vision of my future life. Picturing what I want our life to look like in three, six, twelve months would help make some of my more abstract goals take shape. Once I see where I really want to be, it'll be a lot harder to ignore the fact that I need to design a path to get there, versus just coasting and hoping for the best.
  
So I'm still forming my direction...but I'm starting...and I plan to go on.

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We'd love to have a word with you.  

Join the link up below to share your direction.

A Word With You

With so much in my life, I’m fast.

Ok...maybe more impatient...but still fast. I’m a fast talker, a fast eater (except when I’m too busy fast-talking), a relatively fast driver....In general I like get things moving. I like to plan and talk out ideas, but sooner than later, I want to start doing them.

But when it comes to writing. I am slow. Like a turtle, walking up hill, in the snow, carrying a crock pot on its back, kind of slow. If I could invent a cord that would plug into my brain and connect it to my keyboard, I’d be the happiest little tortoise you’ve ever seen. It seems that my brain runs so fast, but getting those zooming thoughts in some sort of order to be able to share is a challenge sometimes. I find that I have to be in a writing “mood”, which doesn’t always align with when I have writing time. If I’m not in the zone (and even sometimes when I am) I end up spending forever trying to organize my thoughts and looking for the right words, phrases, and structure to convey what I’m thinking and feeling. It’s a version of writer’s block, I guess. But it’s not a matter of not having anything to write....it’s that I have SO many ideas and memories I want to share, they get kind of jammed up. Then more often than not, I find myself overwhelmed and frustrated, not knowing where to begin. So I just don’t. I’ll go weeks without writing because with all the ideas swirling, I can’t quite get in gear to just pick one thing and get it done.

What I need, is a goal. A deadline. And some accountability. My blog is for fun, so I don’t have delusions that readers are stopping by constantly, tapping their feet, begging for new content. But I find when I make a commitment to posting something, I am MUCH more likely to actually do it. Fortunately I’m not the only one that struggles with the push-pull of wanting to write, but needing a little help making it happen. So my friend Meg and I have formed an idea to help motivate each other to set aside the excuses, and put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboards.)

Introducing:

Each month we will pick a word to write about and share a story from our lives. Our aim is to make sure we make time to record all the little things that fill our days, that might otherwise go undocumented. By forming a group of people with the same goal,  we’re hoping that it will motivate us to keep at it. If you have a blog (or even if you don't), we would love for you to write with us each month and join in!

Our word for January :: Direction

There are no rules, just write something that ties in with this month's word in some way. On Monday, January 28th, we will share our posts and include a link up so that you can share your post with us too. I'm looking forward to it!

(Feel free to spread “the word” on twitter and instagram: #awordwithyou)