Mothers and Daughters: Raising Sisters

Today I'm honored to be guest posting for the lovely and talented (and mom of a brand new baby girl) Mary Evelyn at What Do You Do, Dear?

I'm joining in her Mothers and Daughters series, sharing my take on Raising Sisters.
And as usual- I'm giving you signature Bowdenisms wisdom {sarcastic smiley emoji}: 

So it's always been a huge priority for me to teach them what sisters means....With a three year old and an almost two year old, it typically plays out something like this:  

"Do you know what being sisters means?! DO you!? Well...um...It means.....It means that you care for each other, and if she's crying, you give her the last purple fruit snack, because not everyone has a sister, and you're so lucky, so there you have it and you're welcome!"

Head over to Mary Evelyn's to read the full post.  {P.S. If you watched- and loved- the TV series Parenthood..this one's for you...}

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Thrive Moms, Rest, Influence and Fear

Today I'm guest posting at Thrive Moms...talking about rest...

But do you know what is absolutely the worst feeling in the world? Recognizing that type of fatigue, and making an effort to pursue some sort of rest, only to find yourself even more weary at the end of it. You know- you have a long, loooooong day, so you attempt to treat yourself with a mindless activity. But the treat actually turns into a binge, and the activity spirals into an empty waste that leaves you feeling just as tired, and now kind of guilty and annoyed. It's knowing you need rest, but pursuing the wrong kind.

{I know you've been there...Read the full post, and tell me how you find refreshing rest.}

And today in real life, I'm headed to The Influence Conference.
If you're following me on Instagram, you'll see that I went two years ago and had a blast, but that doesn't mean that the butterflies haven't come back this time around. Some other attendees have already embraced me though, so I'm trying to be more excited than nervous.

If you're going too, come say hi! Or humor me if I get the courage to say hi to you!
And if you're not going...you can still be a part of the fun.

Thanks for following along with all my rants, and pics, and travels. This blogging thing is a strange little gig (can you say "gig" if you don't get paid?) but as I said when I returned from the last conference:

I won't always be funny. I'll even more rarely be wise. And I'll never be perfect. But I can at least commit to being real, while aligning myself firmly with His grace to cover me when I inevitably go astray. Thanks for walking with me.

(Ps. check out: My two biggest hesitations in attending the conference in 2012...And my five fears when I came home...Or just read all my Influence posts.)

Notes to My Younger Self

Today I'm participating in a blog series called Notes to My Younger Self, started by the awesomely inspiring Sarah- blogger at Yes and Yes, and writer of The Post College Survival Kit. She's invited some of her "clever, talented internet friends" to share their "wish-I'd-known words of wisdom", and for some reason, I was let into the cool-kid club to share my advice. So here goes...

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Advice for a younger me? I could probably write a book. I could think of 1,002 tips to help poor, unsuspecting Courtney avoid each tiny mistake and major catastrophe she had to face. I'd tell her what to do, who to date (j/k, I was already married by then), and most importantly, I'd demand she throw out those hideous lazy-girl clogs that she was so fond of.

But despite all my hindsight wisdom, I'm hesitant to dole out advice on a 22 year old me...mostly because I remember being 22 year old me, and I thought I had things figured. OUT. And even in the rare moments when I realized I might not actually know it all, I was still bull-headed enough to insist upon figuring it out myself. So if the now-me bothered to lecture the past-me, would I even listen to myself? (If I talk to myself in a forest, but I don't listen, did I ever make a sound?) And further more, would I even want young-me to heed my warnings? 

Because, as I see it, giving that advice- laying out a cheat sheet with a secret path of least resistance to the ideal end goal of life- It's not a gift. It might actually be a robbery.

Sure, it would be great to save myself some tears over some relationship that wasn't going anywhere, or a mean coworker who would eventually be a blip on the radar. And I'd love to go back and erase any of the hurts my ignorance (or selfishness, or insensitivity...etc infinity...) caused to others. But providing a perfect path for an easy breezy life robs past-me of the opportunity to develop grittyness, determination, and the deep viceral desire to do better next time, after experiencing the gut wrenching feeling of failure and disappointment. And perhaps even more troubling, it takes away my chance to be thrown back on my heels in a good way by the twists and turns of life...There's no room for wonder if you already know all the answers. 

So as I look back on it, I'm hard pressed to find any advice I'd want to give myself, without traveling down a Butterfly Effect rabbithole (holy mixed metaphor!) fearing any deviations from my history would change my present. Sure, I could probably tell her to wash her makeup off every night, and put away $50 more each paycheck, and skip that second grilled cheese. But she'll figure that stuff out eventually, before too much damage is done. And the big stuff? As much as want to wrap my previous self up safely like a faberge egg, I know that I'd do better to let little baby bird me step out of the nest, flap, flop, and eventually fly. 

So I won't give myself advice. But I wouldn't give myself the cold shoulder either.
 If a baby-faced Courtney was standing in front of me, here's what I would give her:

Encouragement.
You can do this. 
Even when "this" seems difficult, and confusing and scary. Remember- you are talented, and smart and brave. In other words- you're a perfect match for the tasks before you.

And reassurance.
You will do this. 
It's hard to know in the moment if all that effort is ever going to pay off. If the road clouded with dark patches will end in the light. I know how it feels to be on the endless path of striving, just try try trying until (and past) the brink of exhaustion. But stick with it. Because after a long uphill trek of caring too much and trying too hard...after the struggles of boundary setting, and priority finding and self doubting...after experiencing things the hard way, again and again before finally learning them the hard way...After all that? You'll find yourself at the top of a mountain you didn't fully realize you were climbing. And with that comes the motivation and confidence to scale the next peak. Oh, and a pretty kick-ass view.

And love.
You are doing this...And you're doing it beautifully. 
And though some of the strife will be behind you- the comparisons, and the insecurity, and the fatigue will still come. But the beauty of that long road traveled, and all those tiny scar reminders of your missteps, is that you'll realize your imperfections in a way that is somehow more empowering than defeating. You will have moments where you look around, in awe of what surrounds you- the love, the beauty, the success, the mess, the joy, and you'll realize: THIS. This is what I was working towards. THIS is what I've been blessed with. THIS is it. 

So as you find yourself in the moments of I can't, or I'll never, hear me- hear you- telling you: you can, and you will. And in those rare but exceedingly beautiful points in your journey, when you're lucky enough to stumble into a light that illuminates not only the splendor of your path- but just a teeny tiny slice of the awesomeness to come.... embrace those with everything you've got. Grab a couple of beers, pull your friends in close so you can kiss them squarely on their beautiful, surprised cheeks, and go to bed five minutes earlier than you want to. Because tomorrow comes quickly, bringing a whole new set of challenges, and there's no substitute for beauty sleep. (I guess I couldn't resist jamming some advice in there after all!)

(P.s. For real though, Court- throw away those clogs. You're better than that.)

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What would you say to the you of yore? 

For the record- though I took this to a weird meta-theoretical place (as I'm weirdly prone to doing)- I have to say that there is value in the assignment as it was given, and even more in the advice Sarah offers in her book. Of course no one wants to take away the free will and wonder of 22 year olds. That's just my over dramatic soap box tendencies talking. But a few tips to save some time, heartache and a whole bunch of money? We should all be in line for that. So if you're hankering (that's right: hankering. That's a world old curmudgeons like me use) for more actionable advice, check out a few of the bloggers in the Notes To My Younger Self series: 

• "Stop making that stupid peace sign with your fingers when you pose for photos."-Today I'm Bobbi 
• "If you have to wonder if the person you’re dating likes you, then they probably don’t." -Smaggle
  "This day, this moment, right here and now is your whole life. And it will pass whether or not you spend it pushing, rushing or worrying." -The Small Change Project
• "Embrace the free time. YOU HAVE SO MUCH FREE TIME"- enJOY it
  "Your chances of getting everything you want are slim to none if you don’t A) figure out what you want and B) SPEAK UP"- RosyBlu Handmade
• "There is no man, no job, no home or amount of wealth that can ever generate an ongoing, uninterrupted sense of fulfillment."- Danielle Dowling

B+ Life: Podcast

Hey there! If you found yourself here from Sarah's site, Welcome! I'm thrilled you stopped by!

And if you're a regular around here (hi, mom!) well then, the big news for today is that I'm being featured on Sarah's site as a part of her podcast series.

I've never done a podcast, but when Sarah asked me if I'd like to talk about myself for roughly a half hour, and then post that on the internet, I was IN.
Alright...j a little bit k. Truly, I was honored that she thought of me, and I love the mission of her blog- stories from a "recovering perfectionist in pursuit of living a B+ life." I can totally relate to her struggles with constant comparisons, and striving, and never wanting to "settle" for anything less than perfect. But I've certainly come a long way in my perfectionist journey (think a perfectionist would be willing to lead showyourreal?) so it was fun to chat with her about what I've been learning- and all the things I still have no clue about.

Bowdenisms//Sarah R. Bagley Podcast
I'd love it if you would check it out (warning...it's 41 minutes of gabbing...I won't be offended if you grab some laundry to fold while you listen, or save it for your commute). If you don't know me in real life (hi, reader who isn't my mom!) hopefully you'll get a bit of a better sense of who I am, how dramatic (and fast!) I talk, and my perspective on twitter, balance (what?!) and why I can't be bothered to cook for my kids' birthdays.

And if podcasts aren't your thing, I included the highlights here (don't judge me for editing out all of my "likes" and "ums"). And in either case, just for fun, I included some pics to round out the audio track...because everything is better with (slightly blurry, taken with an iphone, but way better than nothing) baby pics. And donuts. Mmmmmmmmmm, donuts.

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Two under Two

"When I say I have two little kids, I mean I have two little kids. It is full time wild around here...It is the best of times and the worst of times in every single moment."

Why did I start a blog? 

"I just really like the sound of my own voice...just kidding. I think in the beginning I had no plan at all....In the beginning it was a little haphazard and ridiculous. And now it's equally ridiculous, but maybe slightly less haphazard."

But really...why? 

"I think I'm a natural story teller. Not maybe not naturally awesome, but it's innate in me to want to do it. When something happens, I want to spin it as a story. If I have your attention in any setting I want to keep your attention, hold your attention. I want to charm you and make you laugh.:

Show Your Real

"If I want people to be vulnerable, or I want people to be honest and be willing to show the parts that we don't always show...if that's what I want, then I need to put that out there, and I need to create that, to help spur it on in other people."

And the lighter side of Show Your Real

 "One of things I also love about Show Your Real is people being willing to stand up and be proud of the things they are good at...Your real can also be that you're in love with this part of your life. Or you're proud of what you've accomplished here. Or you're thankful for this thing...It's saying 'Yeah, my real is so so great. And so bad. And both. At the same time.' "

The wildness of motherhood

"I feel like you have out of body experiences every once in a while, where you're just like 'This is my life. This is happening right now. What is going on?' "

Life Balance 

"Oh the baaaaalance...Yeah, that's not a thing....Balance is not in a day....Did you get all the things done in one day? Were you a great mom, and a great worker, and a great blogger, and a great everything, this one day? Because, no. You weren't. Maybe I was one of those. I hope....It's looking at how it balances out in total....And if it takes til Friday for it to balance out, that's alright. It's just a matter of how big you're willing to make your lens....Sometimes it's going to take more than a week for me to feel like it's balanced."

Seasons of unbalance

 "The first six months of my daughter's life (the second one)...they were hard. I mean, I loved her, and I loved having her, but there were days when my two year old- I was just like, 'Can you just go somewhere else, today?'...It was just too much for me sometimes....I wasn't necessarily expecting balance in that season. Because it wasn't going to happen: We were unbalanced. And that's ok, because that's not an entire life. I don't necessarily strive to live in those valleys I guess, but...Sometimes I have to pep talk myself and say 'You know what? This might not be it for you....You don't have to be perfect on this certain Monday. Or this week or this month. It's about the entire thing. And if you scope it out all the way to a lifetime, everyone is doing ok."

What does B+ mean to me? 

"There was a time, when B+, was like Oh my gosh, no! I was that obnoxious, type A, has to get an A type of person...I love the idea, but there's something about me that still feels super icky about B+. I'm not B+, No, I'm better than that, right? As much as I've go some of the perfectionism, I never let go the striving. I will always be that way. And I don't know that I even want to change that...it's just who I am. it's my passion, it's my drive...B+ is not about doing things to a B+ level..it's doing some things to an A+ super+, and some things? I get an F. And I don't care."

"Don't find what you're bad at and try to fix it, because you're only going to get to a certain level. So why am I making my F into a C? It's still going to be a C, who cares? Just be an F. Move on. Take your B+, take your A- and polish those up and be awesome at it. If that's what matters to you, really go after that. I'm trying to find the pieces of me that I love, or that are natural to me, and do more of those and do those better and pour into those and bless people with those pieces of me."

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Thanks for joining me in this wild adventure that is silliness/motherhood/vulnerability/internet/life.
If you find you haven't had your Bowdenisms fill, please feel free to snoop around a bit, or even better- sign up to follow the action: instagram | facebook | twitter

Thrive Moms: Made For This

I'm over at Thrive Moms today...sharing my fears over not feeling like I'm "made for motherhood"...

You see...I know the things that come naturally to me, and they are not the things of motherhood. My natural inclinations are towards the things of this world. The things that serve me. The things that are fun, and easy, and selfish.

Yikes. Can you relate?
Head over to the Thrive Moms blog for the full story...and maybe tell me I'm not alone?

(p.s. I may not fall effortlessly into all of being a mama...but the lovin'- that part I got.)

Thrive Moms: Barn Raising

Oh guys. Today is just so good. I'm excited, proud, and humbled to tell you that I'll be joining the  Thrive Moms blogging team.

Not familiar with Thrive Moms? Well their tagline pretty much says it all...
"Empowering imperfect moms with His perfect grace"

Oh yeah. I can get into that. 

Today I'm sharing some thoughts on community...

Community is my thing. I’m a talker, I’m a relater, I’m a sharer (…sometimes over-sharer). I process things verbally, so I need to be surrounded by others to help me make sense of my world. But beyond just a baseline need for stimulation, for me the idea of community is about the depth of the connection. I’m not someone who is satisfied with standing side-by-side in a crowd. I need to be part of a group- with close talking, arm-linking, and a we’re in this together type of spirit. 

Head on over to read the rest!