Tuesday, October 12, 2021

Little Pip-Speaks: Volume 36

My kids are really stinkin' big now. And really stinkin' funny still. Let's go:



Pip-speak #1: 

Piper: {coming home after her first dance class} I borrowed ballet shoes. A.k.a.: foot traps.

Pip-speak #2:
Mama: {Reading a Table Topic} What 3 things would you like to accomplish in 3 years?
Piper: Learn what the word accomplish means?

Pip-speak #3:
Piper: {looking at a picture of herself in my Timehop app} Aw, is that me? Am I zero? I’m cute....for zero.

Pip-speak #4:
Piper: Know what I learned in the life of 4th grade? If you’re not into Pop-Its you have no friends.
No Pop-Its, no friends.

Pip-speak #5:
Piper: {to Fin} That’s your voice called "I don’t want to be wrong".

Pip-speak #6:
Mama: {Watching her take forever to drop off treats to the neighbors because she walked allllll the way around the path} You could have cut through the yard!
Piper: I wanted to be respectful! Plus they had a ring doorbell and it was camera-ized!

Pip-speak #7:
Piper: {seeing an outlet mall out the window} Hey mom look! It’s kind of a beachy town over there.


Pip-speak #8:
Tia: What time is your bedtime?
Piper: Anywhere from 9 o' clock to a thousand.

Pip-speak #9:
Piper: Mom, my belly button is like a swimming pool for ants!

Pip-speak #10:
Piper: {regarding Martha Stewart's frozen mac & cheese bites} Well it IS made by a professional so if must be good.
Mama: What?
Piper: Look at her- she looks professional!

Pip-speak #11:
Piper: (discussing how to get Dad to let her dog-sit) I could help w the convincing! I think he kinda has a soft spot for me. But I think he has a big one for you. Like a huge one.

Pip-speak #12:
Piper: Dad never lets me do science.
Mama: Science? Or slime? I think he just doesn’t let you do super sticky stuff.
Piper: The only science I’m interested in is sticky science.


Pip-speak #14:
Mama: Name three animals you’re scared of at the beach.
Piper: Alligator, snapping turtle and sharks
Mama: OK. Name three animals you’re NOT scared of at the beach.
Piper: Fish, sardines and sushi

Pip-speak #15:
Mama: Name three ways you can make music without an instrument.
Piper: Mouth, hands and knuckles


Pip-speak #16: 

Piper: Are you a talker person or a listener person?
Mama: You know this. I’m a talker person. What about you?
Piper: I’m a talker too. Listening is boring.
Mama: But you’re such a great listener.
Piper: Yeah I guess but that doesn’t mean I like it.

Pip-speak #17:
Piper: Why do they call them king cobras? How do they have babies if they’re all king cobras?

Pip-speak #18:
Piper: {eating Fruit Loops} This tastes like a hotel! 


Pip-speak #19: 

Piper: I’m going to be 10 and dad said we’re going to have a big party because 0 birthdays are big. They are!

Pip-speak #20:
Mama: You have to wake up pretty early in the morning to beat your mom at Mon-Cheeka-Cheeka.
Piper: Oh, why? So that you’re real tired?
Mama: Just put your fr...stinking jammies on.
Piper: I know what bad word you were gonna say. It's really easy to hear f sounds.


Finnish #1:
Fin: {discussing our littlest's eating habits} Did she eat her cookie already? Whoa. She is a treat machine. But not a dinner machine.

Finnish #2:
Me: Getting donuts always makes me feel like we’re on vacation because we don’t usually do that in our own town.
Fin: Except for sometimes at church…like if daddy had to go early to be the pastor or something we would get donuts at Tim Hortons.

Finnish #3:
Fin: I want quadruplets. That way you only have to remember one birthday. And they’ll all move out at once and you can have peace.

Finnish #4:
Finley: The horses are going so slow. You might want to hee-yah them.

Finnish #5:
Finley: {at the party store} Can we ask the keepers if they have pinatas?

Finnish #6:
Finley: {at the pool's lazy river} You’re not allowed to sit there.
Mama: I think it'll be fine.
Fin: Ok but they might blow up you. {meaning: use their whistles}

Finnish #7:
Finley: Can you high-er my ponytails?

Finnish #8:
Mama: You can’t put metal in the microwave.
Fin: {bangs on the side of a mug} Is that why you have to check if it’s ting-y?

Finnish #9:
Fin: I have a super good rememberer. I just have to say it over and over and over again and then I remember it. Like 357. I remember that from like...weeks ago.

Finnish #10:
Fin: Does god have birthdays? I guess not because he can’t get older because he never dies. Right? Well, I bet he’s old because he couldn’t be a kid because he’s so wise. He has to be a grown up. Do you think we disappear when we die? Because heaven can’t fit everyone. Like, there have been a lot of people that died...like lots of years ago, so it would get crowded. But the sky IS big. So maybe. Maybe if you really like space you could go to space, or you could go to the sky. Like on a rainbow. And you wouldn’t even have to get wet because you’d be ABOVE the clouds!

Finnish #11:
Miller: Why do they have their shirts off?
Fin: They’re boys. that’s what boys do to look tough. They get tattoos on their nipples! 

Finnish #12:
Miller: What’s the grossest thing you never ate?
Mama: Well, some people eat cow brains...that sounds gross to me.
Finley: Can you taste their thoughts?

Finnish #13:
Fin: Miller, I’ll be happy to hug you just not while I’m getting my jammies on. You always wanna hug me when it’s not convenient. it’s not that I don’t want to hug you. I’ll hug you right now! Just let me get my shirt on because hugging without a shirt on is weird. I don’t know how Dad does it. Like when he goes to swim parties and stuff...

Finnish #14:
Mama: {honestly, I don't even remember what this was regarding} Why don’t you leave them where they are?
Finley: Yeah but I have a vision and it’s going to be awesome.


Miller Musings #1:  

Miller: You should NOT throw up out the window. Because sometimes when I throw up there are chunks in it and a car could trip over it and crash


Miller Musings #2: 

Miller: Mommy I am sure my pants aren’t on backwards because I can feel the tags itching me on the bum right now. 


Miller Musings #3: 

Miller: {regarding our Black foster daughter} She is one of a kind! She’s the only one who has those owl jammies in our whole family. 


Miller Musings #4: 

Mama: What should we do for Papa’s bday?

Miller: Hmmm. What’s his birthday theme?


Miller Musings #5: 

Mama: Those are perfect. 

Miller: THAAAAAT’S a cat joke. ('Cuz purrrfect?!)


Miller Musings #6:

Miller: {cleaning out stuff from his bedroom after my work day} Mom, you sure do drink a lot of sodas in my office.  

Miller Musings #7: 

Miller {emphatically reminding himself during a scary movie scene} It’s just a movie. It’s probably animated. 

Miller Musings #8:

Mama: I love you and I like you. Do you know the difference?

Miller: No. 

Mama: Well I love you with my whole heart because you’re my kid. But even if you weren’t my kid I’d want to hang out with you because I like you. 

Miller: Yeah we coulda been friends then. 

Miller Musings #9:

Dad: {after dinner at a restaurant} I gotta tell you guys, you did a great job in there.

Miller: Yeah normally we’re badder than that. 

Miller Musings #10:

Miller: If you were in the Olympics and doing the high jump it would be better if you were lean. Because if you were plump you’d probably knock over the bar. 

Miller Musings #11:

Miller: {listening to wedding vows, "to love her, honor her, cherish her etc. etc."} That’s a lot of things to do with her. 

Miller Musings #12:

Miller: {trying frozen sweet tea} If you ignore the flavor it’s really good.

Miller Musings #13:

Miller: Why are they even called crayfish? They aren’t even fish! But they ARE dangerous. 

Mama: Dangerous?

Miller: What?! They can pinch you!

Miller Musings #14:

Miller: You loved us when we were babies. Even more than you do now. Bc we were cuter then!

Miller Musings #15:

Mama: Which of these animals lay eggs? A fish, a turkey or a pig?

Miller: A fish, and a turkey. A pig would just get his eggs all muddy!

Miller Musings #16:
Miller: {using two spoons in his ice cream} Now I can eat two times as faster!

Miller Musings #17:
Mama: We can walk back to our bikes.
Miller: I wish we brought our bikes so we could bike back to our bikes.

Miller Musings #18:
Mama: {sings a bedtime song with "tacos" in it}
Miller: Aw, I wanted you to sing about leather jackets. But tacos are kinda like leather jackets because they keep your food warm.

Miller Musings #19:

Miller: Mommy you know what’s nice about whales? When they eat you they don’t even bite you because they don’t have any teeth. They just swallow you. 

Miller Musings #20:

Miller: These are the best eggs ever. and by the way, the drippier they are, the gooder they are.  

Miller Musings #21:

Miller: {putting his stuffies Blue Jelly and Peanut on my lap with a book on their bellies} Now you don’t have to hold the book. Bellies are good for a lot of things. Like closing doors when you’re out of hands. 


Miller Musings #22:

Miller: The game said it was for preschoolers, but G’mi couldn’t even do it. And G’mi is like a 70 grader.

Miller Musings #23: 

Miller: {regarding polo shirts} I am definitely the hottest because I have this ruffle on my neck.


Miller Musings #24: 

Mama: Are you in slow motion?

Miller: No, I’m on island time 

Miller Musings #25:

Miller: When your foot falls asleep, it feels all fizzy. 


Miller Musings #26:

Mama: You are the snuggliest kid. Is that your best skill?

Miller: *giggles* Ummm no. Probably beat boxing. But then snuggling. But your first is sourdough. Snuggling is your second. And your third is..... being the best mom in the world. 


And our littlest is finally getting in on the action (well- more accurately she's been jabbering on for-evvvvvvver at this point, but I'm finally recording some of her gems.

Kiddo-Quip #1: 

Little Miss: Is the air fryer gonna go on? {air mattress}

Kiddo-Quip #2:

Little Miss: Mommy can we have music?

Mama: Not right now.

Little Miss: Well I have music in my mouth! *hums*


Kiddo-Quip #3:

Mama: The trampoline is dirty. we need to spray it down. 

Little Miss: NO! Don’t spray it down! 

Mama: Why?

Little Miss: Because I love it.

Kiddo-Quip #4:

Little Miss: It’s hard to see me in my camels. {camo jammies}


Kiddo-Quip #5:

Little Miss: Now I don’t stink very well bc G’mi changed my diaper.


Kiddo-Quip #6: 

Little Miss: {blinking with alternate eyes} My eyes can hop! 

Kiddo-Quip #7:

Little Miss: I have an eye crusty. *puts it on her finger* Let me just make a wish.

Kiddo-Quip #8:

Little Miss: Do you have syrup on your eyes? {makeup}

Kiddo-Quip #9:

Little Miss: {seeing me dressed up as my mom} Are you Mama or no?


Kiddo-Quip #10:

Little Miss: Mama, why you have dis? *points to me*

Mama: My shirt?

Little Miss: No, dis! It’s squishy. *pats my chest*

Mama: Oh. That’s my body. 

Little Miss: I don’t have bodies. Well, I have tiny bodies. You have big bodies! 

Little Miss: Daddy- do you have bodies?

Daddy: {barely watching or listening} What? I have A body. 

Little Miss: Yeah, but Mommy has TWO bodies!


P.s. If you just can't get enough, check out the last round...or all 30+ installments.

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