Orlando Magic: A week in seconds

The last time Dustin and I went on vacation JUST US was when I was pregnant with Miller (is it really "just us" when a fetus is present? Debatable). And that was a 3 day trip to a hotel in Pennsylvania (a fancy-schmancy hotel...but still). Outside of that, our last vacation as a couple was in 2014 (a trip so epically lovely, it's a wonder I'm not still talking about it). So, I'm not complaining...just saying, after 3-4 years without an adults-only get away, we were due.

But we actually didn't have a trip on our radar...We've gotten to take AWESOME trips with our kids over the last few years- with family, visiting friends- and we're slated for another beach trip with my mom's side of the family in a month. So it didn't really occur to me to plan something for Dustin and me. It just felt a little unnecessary...or selfish...or both.

Now, in order to tell this story, I have to make a hard segue from self-centered frivolousness into some serious stuff for a minute... In February of this year, Dustin's step-mom passed away. I haven't shared much about it publicly, but we are broken-hearted to have lost her so soon, and equally broken-hearted to witness the pain Dustin's dad is going through. Most of it doesn't feel like my story to share, so I will just say that she was so very VERY loved, by us, our family, and so many others, and she is, and will be, dearly missed.

So now I have to pivot back to vacation, which, again, feels insensitive and clunky...but it's the true context, so here we are. Shortly after she passed, Dustin's dad told him that he had one week remaining at a timeshare and it was expiring in April. He wasn't ready to travel, but didn't want it to go to waste, so he offered it to us. We hemmed and hawed over the whole thing for weeks, but in the end decided it would be a good thing for us to do. And after looking into the (nearly endless) options for destinations, we settled on Florida's Friendliest Hometown: The Villages, Florida.

It's been Dustin's parent's home for the last decade, and a favorite spot of ours. I could go on and on about how much I love it there (if I wasn't already ready to retire, that place would convince me in a heartbeat). We have made such great memories there over the years, so it felt like the perfect choice to spend the first half of our trip with Dustin's dad. We took care of a little bit of family business, but mostly spend the time talking, reminiscing, and just being together...in the sadness, and the joy and the love. For the second half of our trip, we drove up to Orlando and enjoyed a few poolside days a deux. I did almost no planning, no stressing, and it was all wildly better than the humble expectations I put on the trip. Just the chance to be together for a bit, with nothing more to worry about than what chain restaurant booth to choose each night was a gift. (Truly...a gift from his dad, of course, but also a huge gift from my mom who was holding down the fort with all of our kiddos).

I of course adore my kids, and I'd be lying if I said we didn't talk about them at least 85% of the trip (seriously...you can't be in that close proximity to Disney and not have your toddlers on your mind). But oh- the sweet freedom of doing ANYTHING I WANTED...FOR DAYS ON END was bliss I didn't fully remember existed. We did wild things like eat an entire bag of skittles ourselves (no sharesies!), and fall asleep next to an open body of water, and read books that had no pictures, no rhymes, and no mentions of poop. It was terribly unfamiliar, and intoxicatingly awesome. I woke up each day at an hour my cell phone alarm has never heard of, showered without interruption, and forgot the password to my laptop. The weather was perfection, the itinerary was delightfully open, and my travel companion is my absolute favorite.

I always know how lucky I am...but sometimes it's extra awesome to feel it so intensely at once. Oh- and I don't hate having a tan to show for it. So here's a goofy little video of a couple of nerds who don't get out much, having just the best time. 55 (and older), we're comin' for ya (and I'm bringing my shuffle board cue).

P.s. The app I use is called 1 Second Everyday and yes, I am obsessed. You can see more of our video posts, our last vacation in seconds, all of our 1 second every day videos.

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One Second, One Year

I did it! I made it to the end of my 1 Second Every Day project. For one whole year, I faithfully took video, after video, after video...Did I mention it was FOR ONE WHOLE YEAR!?
I'm not sure I've ever managed to keep up with a goal for this long (no matter how good my intentions were, or how fun the goal was) so I'm super proud to have stuck with it.

A year ago I had just heard of the 1SE app, and thought it would be a fun documentary-adventure to try.

The start of my #1se project. Super cute mixed with super mundane... these are the 1 second snippets that add up to our wild and ordinary- and wonderful- life. #thebowdenfamily #1secondeveryday

A video posted by Courtney Bowden (@bowdenisms) on Jan 12, 2016 at 2:00pm PST

I wasn't sure how long I would do it, but I quickly became addicted, to the process and the results. Recording little snippets became part of my daily habit, and though my phone storage is paying the price, I'm pumped to have so many little memories captured over the last year. And uploading each mini-movie into the app each month (or so) was a fun way to soak in all the awesome-ness that was happening around us- just enough distance from it to have perspective, but still in the moment enough to soak it up.

And now, 365 days later (+1 for leap year) I have a finished film...one second from every day in 2016. It's a super-fast, chaotic little montage, which feels about right for our super-fast, chaotic little life. 

The Bowdens 1 Second Every Day: 2016 from Courtney Bowden on Vimeo.

A friend asked me yesterday if I was going to do 1SE again this year...And honestly I hadn't even thought about it. I guess it's become such a constant part of our lives, that I didn't even think about it as a decision. My documentarian streak has taken different turns with varying levels of success over the years (scrapbooking, blogging, photo-a-day-ing), but this format has been such a fun challenge, and in the end, and incredible blessing. I'm already scheming new ways I can use it this year (like our day in the life, and vacation video), and trying to get more friends on the bandwagon so I can watch yours too! (if you have ideas, or give it a try yourself, let me know!)

So, farewell, 2016. I didn't love all 31.5 million+ seconds...but there were more than a few moments of pure perfection in there. Looking forward to all the sweetness 2017 has to offer...one second at a time.

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Merry Christmas!

I wish I could have sent a real life card to all of you real life people in real life (not because we're that cute...but because I LOVE receiving Christmas cards, so I try to pay into the system, playing on the guilt trap of reciprocation.) But...these things ain't cheap (and I am) so to save on postage/printing/the opportunity costs involved with address collecting, I'll share the virtual version of the Bowden 2016 Card with you all.


I didn't write anything this year...somehow summing up our year a single text box seemed impossible. (to quote "our song" there was quite literally: "no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard" that would do this year justice.) Instead, I went with an adorable shot of our adorable three, and figured people probably got enough of my sappy ramblings in some form or another over the last twelve months. (Don't tell me...)

But if I had found the words to share...they would have included THANKS and LOVE about a million times, because this life is wild and hard but it is OH SO VERY GOOD, and these little people, and our entire supportive, patient, hilarious tribe of extended friends and family (and "framily") is a huge part of why. In fact..maybe next year I'll just send out 200 postcards of me ugly crying, because it's all too good to handle sometimes. (Ok...I promise I won't. But when you see our smiling mugs in your mailbox, you'll know what's in my heart). 

MERRY CHRISTMAS, Internet. You are real, and you are lovely.

P.S. A couple cards from Christmases of yore: 2015, 2013.

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A Christmas (tree) Story

Over the years, our Christmas traditions have been a little spotty. Sometimes we go all out, sometimes we're low key. In theory, I love being that family who always does ______. But the reality is when the Holiday season rolls around, I'm much happier to roll with the needs and moods of our crew in that particular year.

So while I grew up always visiting a tree farm to chop down our own (gigantic) Christmas tree, it hasn't been a tradition that I've been consistent with as an adult. Since Dustin and I have been married, we certainly haven't always cut our own (actually...almost never)...and sometimes we didn't even have a tree! There were years when I was too overwhelmed by all the holiday decorating I had already done at work (#retailproblems), or years when I was too overwhelmed by the newborn we had just welcomed. In those times, getting a tree just wasn't a priority. Or if it was, we kept the focus on the end result of just managing to purchase a tree, rather than worrying too much about when/how/where we got it.

It honestly all blurs together now, so for fun, I took a look back at pics from our tree "excursions" over the years:

2005-2007: Not pictured. Basically it was like the dark ages of cameras, so I tragically have approximately 0 photos from the early days of our marriage. We might have had a tree or two. We might not. Who can say? But fear not, in terms of pictures at least, I'm making up for lost time.

2008: 
This year actually started one of our more successful traditions called- go to Lowe's and grab a tree as fast as possible, because it's miserably cold, and fine you can take one picture, but get a move on because some of our patience is wearing thin. Ho, ho, humbug.

2009-2010: The dark years (also known as: the midst of my retail career. In terms of festive decorating, these two periods are deeply intertwined).

2011: Skipped it. Having a baby brought enough sap that year.

2012: Back in! We visited a cute little nursery with pre-cut trees (and enough gingerbread cookies to keep Piper happy all afternoon). I was 3 months pregnant with Fin at the time, so a little festive + a lot easy was perrrrrfect.

2013: Welcome back, Lowe's! We also fondly remember this year as the time the tree fell off of our car onto the highway, someone hit it, and the girls and I had to come home empty handed while Dustin went to get a replacement. (Fin slept through the tree selection, but woke up and made sure her voice was heard regarding the length of the drive home. Hint: did not love it).

2014: For our first year in Ohio, decided a Christmas tree lot (at a local church) would be about all our little ones could handle. We were pretty much right:

Though we did tag along with my family the next week as they cut their trees down. Turns out the whole thing is pretty fun if you don't have to actually do any of the work!

2015: We joined in the giant family trek to the farm, and for the first time, actually cut down our own tree as a family (with shockingly good results: with the tree and our spirits!)

 So with a few successes and a few "lived to tells" under our belts, I was excited to go out this year and make another round of memories on the (tree) farm. My extended family was thrilled to continue the tradition (they've been steady cut-your-own folks for years) but between 3 families, an always-shifting weather forecast and a frustrating number of overlapping weekend commitments, it was nearly impossible to find a time to go. It took at least two weeks of calendar reviewing, option weighing, location voting, and group messaging to coordinate the details. But we all kept the dream alive, and when Weather.com said it just might hold off raining during the exact three hour window we all had available for an outing... WE WENT.

After church we Bowdens all scarfed some PB&J's in the middle school gym, and met up with the rest of our crew to caravan to the farm. In the interest of time, we tried a new spot a little closer to home so by the time anyone was complaining too loud, we were already there. Win!

It wasn't the most beautiful day, but it was at least on the manageable side of cold, so got everyone bundled and headed out for FUN and TREES and MEMORIES.
And we ended up having/finding/making all of those things.

The girls had a blast, if only for the "sleigh" rides.

Miller tolerated our more ambitious plans. (and actually all around loved it, as long as we kept a steady stream of peanut-butter-filled-pretzels coming his way...which we totally did). 

And the rest of us tra-la'ed our way through the rows of pines and spruces (or whatever), happily searching for the world's most perfect tree, or at least the world's most good-enough tree.

(My family kept referring to the trees as "our kill" and requesting photos next to them. You can tell how Miller felt about any pause in the pretzel action.)

Oh- and did I mention we had a special guest this time around? (I mean, in addition to my nieces' dreamy friend Hunter, there on the end).

A photo posted by Courtney Bowden (@bowdenisms) on Dec 4, 2016 at 1:33pm PST

Yep...this guy:

Ok, wait...THIS guy:

That's better. Yep- Mark joined us to capture the action, and make us another one of his magical memory masterpieces (Mark...that gem is on me. Feel free to trademark it...)

This Summer, Mark made the most precious video of our family, and I knew before we even saw it, that I wanted to have him join us for our Christmas tree outing. Yes, I knew six months ago that I was going to drag our friend (and our children) on a potentially cold, potentially inconvenient, potentially miserable "adventure" because I believed in the simultaneous potential of awesomeness. And I'm so glad he shared my wild spirit and love of documentation. He's a beautiful storyteller, and an even better friend. I love what he was able to capture of our time together, and I know I will forever look back with fondness on this trip, this season, and these fleeting moments of earthly heaven with this family I've been blessed with.

The Bowden Family // Winter 2016 from Mark Batke on Vimeo.
Music: Every Bell On Earth Will Ring by The Oh Hellos

(I can't even handle the preciousness of the audio: "Miller, come join us!" "Ok, hop in the sleigh!" "Papa, can I help you?" "Which way is it going to timber?" And of course...so much giggling...)

So that's the story of our Trees of Christmas Past, and Present. I'm already looking forward to the Future...even we find ourselves back at Lowe's.

Oh, and P.s. It turns out there is one tree tradition we're pretty consistent with, and it's pretty adorable. Did you spot it?

Oh, skinny green baby cords, you might just be what Christmas is all about.

P.S. Check out more of Mark's photo/video/general creative awesomeness: 

website // vimeo // instagram

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Life Lately: Fall-ing

Oh man, Fall, came and went in about a minute, right? Summer felt long, (and awesome!), and we milked the warm days as long as we could- playing outside well into October, so maybe that's why Fall got the squeeze. And I know it hasn't actually ended yet; we've still got a few weeks until the official equinox, but with advent starting this week, we're moving swiftly out of Fall and into Holiday. (which I'm not mad about!)

But with our days packed to the gills, I canNOT seem to get in a groove with blogging. I just can't seem to find the time/energy/brain power/creativity to sit down to process my thoughts, or record our goings-on. So even though I did a Life Lately update not too long ago,  I figured another list would be an easy way to get back in the game.

So with that...here's a super non-exhaustive list of what's been exhausting us lately:

Making: progress on cleaning the basement. That has been the black hole of our house, pretty much since the day we moved in, and despite several attempts at organizing, we still feel buried in stuff. But we've been trying to follow the principles of "Konmari" and there might finally be a light at the end of the crawlspace/tunnel. Last month, Dustin tackled the garage- and we can now actually park both of our cars in there! So we'll keep chipping away (and purging and donating) with the hopes of having an actual living space, rather than a dumping ground.
Cooking: semi-healthy. We're still trying to make Whole 30 compatible meals when we can. Our breakfasts are pretty "clean"- usually eggs, some smoothie, and maybe some meat or vegetables. And we've been trying to keep up with meal planning for dinners, so we don't resort to easy "kid meals" of pasta or chicken fingers. It's a little tougher now that we aren't grilling as much, but we're trying to at least plan a couple dinners a week so we can use leftovers on off nights and for lunches.

Drinking: so much La Croix (which I still want to say the French way...even though I know that's wrong). We got into it during Whole 30, and it just never left. (ok. I'm done talking about Whole 30 now. But I do think we're doing another round after the holidays...so...)
Reading: not much. I've got a few things piling up on my nightstand, but I've barely cracked open their covers. BUT- what I am getting into? Podcasts! I know, I know, all the hip kids have been onto this forever, but I'm finally catching on. Dustin and I carpool to work most days, but on the rare occasion I find myself on my own, It's been fun to listen to "shows" during the commute. I don't have any absolute favorites yet, but I've been listening to The Happy Hour, Young House Love, and I want to check out a new one from one of my friends: The Upside Down Podcast. If you have any recommendations, send them my way!

Wanting: to go back to daylight saving time. Yes, I'm thankful it's not pitch black when I wake up...but the sun setting at 5pm is kinda killing my evening motivation. It's too soon to miss Summer. And yet...
Playing: Fantasy Football. This is our ninth year, and after winning the league in the inaugural 2007 season, I'm finally back on top. I'm not trying to get too cocky too soon, but for now, it feels good.

Looking: a little crazy in mix-matched footwear...and an animal ear headband (Fin...I'm talking about you.) All Summer, Fin insisted on wearing two different colored flip flops. It started at VBS, and somehow it just stuck. Now that it's colder, she's moved on to wearing two different socks (and tells me with a giggle, "everyone at school loved my socks!") And when we bought her fox ears a few weeks before Halloween, she wore them out of the store and pretty much never took them off. So basically...she looks insane on a daily basis. She's quite particular in general about what she wears and shows her goofy sense of humor with her fashion choices. I don't even fight it anymore, choosing to embrace her passion/crazy streak. She comes by it honestly, at least, as my mom reminds me I insisted on picking out my own clothes from about 18 months on.

Wasting: food. Ugh. We always seem to be throwing away a million little scraps that kids licked/spit out/touched/dropped. I try to give them little tiny portions, and allow them to have seconds and thirds if they want, just to keep the waste to a minimum, but it's a losing battle. Dustin makes fun of me because I will literally save a half eaten donut hole, but it just hurts my heart to throw away so much perfectly good food just because kids are so finicky and messy. (I'm part of the problem too though, when I buy food with great intentions of cooking, and then accidentally let it spoil in the vegetable drawer).

Wishing: I could prioritize my friends more. There is so much about this stage of life with little ones that is awesome but it also requires a certain amount of hunkering down. It's not selfish to prioritize my family, but I get frustrated sometimes that I can't give and serve the way I want to. We only have so much margin, especially with working full-time, so I'm often left feeling tapped out, and like I'm coming up short with those I care about. I try to remind myself that this is just a season, and that there will be times in life when I have to take more, and times when I can give more. 
Enjoying: fairs! Things got a little wild at the end of the Summer, and we somehow found ourselves at a fair every weekend for the better part of a month...but I'm not even a little bit sorry. Me + Fried Cheese on a stick = happy happy happy.

Waiting: in airports. Alright...that one is a stretch, but this list wouldn't be accurate without somehow acknowledging the travel that Dustin and I have been doing lately. It's nothing crazy, but each of us has typically been taking around one trip a month. It's always super short trips- St. Louis or Chicago- in and out in one day, or at most an overnight. It's fun to get out and connect with clients, and I'm never mad at a night of uninterrupted sleep in a cushy hotel bed, but it's tough to coordinate schedules and it requires one of us to manage solo with all of the kids, which can of course be challenging.
Wondering: what I should do with my hair. I did the mom thing, and cut it off shortly after having Miler, but now I'm kinda longing to have it long. It's currently in a weird in between stage, and it's so tempting to just cut it off again to escape the awkwardness.

Liking: trying something new for Piper's birthday: skipping the party, in favor of a little family trip. We took just the girls to Great Wolf Lodge and it was THE BEST. They had the time of their lives, and it was really fun to get away with them, and just laugh and splash and eat and goof around together. I'm not saying I'm done throwing birthday parties, but I definitely want make time for more mini-getaways from time to time.

Loving: Piper's new school. We made the choice to send her to a different preschool this year, and she could not love it more. She adores her teachers, the crafts, the lessons, the other kids...everything. It's definitely been a bit hectic to deal with two different schools (locations, schedules, events etc.) for the kids, but it's totally and completely worth it. It's been absolutely perfect for her, and I couldn't be more thankful. Oh, and Fin asks pretty much every day when she can go there too...only 10 more months, kiddo.
Marveling: at how much the emergency room costs. Dustin was pretty sick a little while back (fear not...he's tip top now), and two trips to the urgent care/"close to home" hospital set us back somewhere in the 4 figures. (seriously. I could just die thinking about it. But then...funeral costs). The only upside is we have to have met our deductible at this point, so maybe we can squeeze in all kinds of fancy elective surgery before the end of the year? Yeah?

Pretending: the bathroom floor is lava (or "lah-ver", as Fin calls it). Every night after brushing her teeth she has to get the stools arranged just right so she can jump from one to the other and out the door without "burning" her feet. (Fear not: mommies and daddies and babies are immune to lah-ver). Like most imaginative games of 3 year olds, the process is equal parts adorable and frustrating, as I get antsy to just get on with it already.

Needing: patience. Heavens knows I get 8 million chances a day to practice but I still have a remarkably low tolerance for arguing/complaining/tattling/dawdling. Yes, my kids could use some more manners, but I'm doing my best to remember how little they are, and trying to maintain reasonable expectations for their behavior. I hate feeling like I'm always barking orders or forcing them to hurry up (not to mention that neither of those tactics actually changes anything...) Some of it is the necessary, as we can't just be late to school/work every day, but I'm looking for opportunities to slow down, and say extra "yes"'s when I can.
Smelling: coconut 3-in-1 body wash/shampoo/conditioner (the most recent beauty purchase they swindled daddy into). Bath day can be chaotic, but the girls get such a kick out of making us smell their hair afterward; they get so proud of how fresh and yummy they are.

Wearing: Halloween shirts allllll day evvvvvvveryday. I got the girls each a pumpkin shirt, and a pair of Halloween jammies, plus they each have a skeleton shirt (check them out from last year). I thought they'd get a kick out of it, but I didn't know that would pretty much be their entire wardrobe for a month. Fin was especially obsessed, so my laundry was an endless cycle of black and orange to keep her favorites in the rotation.

Noticing: that big-kid stuff is coming soon...and getting pretty excited about it. I mourn the outgrowing of babyhood so hard sometimes, but then I get a glimpse of the things coming next, and I remember that there is still so much good ahead of us. Piper's learning to play Yahtzee and Guess Who?, Fin is obsessed with a play makeup kit her aunt got them, we've entered the stage of Barbies...it's a little scary, and a lot fun.

Hoping: that the jillion dollars I just spent on a new Rodan + Fields regimen will be worth it. My "consultant" is a long-time friend, so I trust her...but am also a little skeptical. Stay tuned for some vulnerable before pictures.

Knowing: Dustin and I need to do a better job of prioritizing quality time with each other. Because we work at the same company, we actually do spend a quite a bit of time together (not so much at work but we do carpool, and go on the occasional lunch date!) but it can be so easy for most of our conversations to center around the logistics of our lives. What day are we doing this, who's going to take this kid to there, did we coordinate this, have you called about that...There are so many moving parts required to keep our family going, that organizing those details tends to take over. I'd like to work harder on being thoughtful about our time and conversations together...finding time away from the kids and away from the office to really connect and enjoy each other on a level outside of our household roles and responsibilities.
Thinking: a lot about the election results. I don't have a ton to say about it in this moment (translation: don't get me started...) but I can tell you that I'm more intrigued, involved, and invested in politics (and social issues, and human rights, and public leadership) than I ever have been before. In a lot of ways this is a scary time, but through it all I am still seeing so much hope.

Learning: to write. Piper is obsessed with writing, and is constantly asking us to spell things so she can write notes to her friends, make her Christmas list (yes, we got an early start on that), cards for teachers...When we read, she can point out different words based on what letter they start with, and is starting to sound things out. It's so fun to watch her little mind work. She's so passionate about learning, and happily toils over all of her projects, wanting to make them just right. Her most recent works are a "scrapbook" with fall leaves taped to every page, and a "book of manners" which has chapters about "please and thank you" as well as lists of foods, and colors etc. She's endlessly proud of them, and can't wait to show them off or gift them to people.
Bookmarking: all the available rental properties in Seaside, Florida. We fell in love with it last year, and are now planning a BIG get together for my whole extended family this Summer. Hunting for a house (or five) for 35 people nearly took over my life for a week, but I'm super pumped about getting to go back to such a special place to make a whole new round of memories.

Opening: our hearts to the possibility of opening our home. It's strange to bury something so huge in the end of a giant laundry list of life's mundane moments...but I don't really know how to deal with announcing news before it's really news. The long and the sort of it is, Dustin and I are exploring becoming foster parents. God's been putting this on my heart for a while now, and together, Dustin and I are leaning into that, to see if it might be something our family is called to. We haven't made any decisions or commitments yet, and I'm still confused, challenged, and tender about the whole thing, which is why I hesitate to put it out there too much. But I spoke about it at church a few weeks ago (watch the video for a much more complete and coherent summary of our process so far), sharing about living in the messy middle of things, not sure where we'll end up, but working on saying yes to just the step God is putting right in front of us. So for now, we're taking classes each Saturday to learn more, and we're praying about what this could mean for our lives...now, or in the future. I can't possibly sum up my feelings on it in a paragraph, but this a start in an effort to be more open about the heart shifts that are happening.

Feeling: really, really grateful.

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Bowdenisms: The Movie

I am an idea person.

Now, I don't say that to brag, oooooooooh, look at how creAtive I am, it's just kind of...a fact. It's how I'm wired. I just...have a lot of ideas. Not all of them are good (OH no no no) but what I may lack in quality sometimes, I make up for in quantity. Partly I was just born this way (seriously, ask my mom about my trademark toddler quip: "I have a better idea") but part of it is also from studying and working in a creative field for so many years. I learned to ideate- taking in information, hearing the thoughts of others, and building, building, building up on them (yes, AND...)  

I've learned that good ideas and bad ideas are all a part of the process. I'm not afraid to throw something wild out there just in case it leads to something awesome. And when it doesn't? Well..they can't all be winners. (a phrase that is high on the list of life mottos these days. See also: Well...can't be good at everything.) Shrug. Shake it off. On to the next.

At this point, Dustin is accustom to the idea factory. No, he doesn't exactly adore the steady stream of could we's, should we's, what if we's, and I've been thinking's that are constantly flying out of my brain and my mouth, but...he sure does humor me. There's a bit of a now what? eye-roll at times, but for the most part, he's gotten on board with the ordeal/adventure that is being married to me.

And while I give Dustin a hard time sometimes for not being 100% behind my creative vision (I am an artist! A tortured soul! No one understands me!) the truth is, a lot of the time, I actually find myself in over my head. I can't tell you how many times I've found myself waist deep in my latest harebrained scheme looking around wondering Who got us into this mess? (Oh..right...me.) So even when I'm following through on my own (possible) stroke of genius, there's no shortage of second guessing along the way.

And the latest case in point: our recent family photoshoot.

We hadn't gotten pictures taken as a family since Miller was born, so now that he's less of a squishy-lump-of-newborn-scented love (sob!), and more of a movin'-shakin'- chunk-of-mini-man love I thought it was time to immortalize our family in film (again). But this time...I had a crazy idea: What if instead of photos, we did a video?

You know I'm digging video these days, so I thought it'd be super fun to be able to capture some of this wild and crazy season of life, in all of its wild and crazy (jumping/yelling/hugging/crying) glory. And lucky for me- I have a wild and crazy (generous/talented) friend, Mark Batke, who was up for the challenge of shooting us Bowdens. I pitched my idea to him: spending an evening at a park, running around just...being us while he got footage of it all...and he was in.

But then...I started to doubt myself. It didn't help that every time we set aside a date, the weather refused to cooperate (oh Ohio, do I need to teach you what Spring means?) so the anticipation phase was drawn out much more than intended. As I prepped, I started to feel self-conscious about the idea. After all, who does this? Plenty of people have professional pictures taken, but video? Isn't that a little weird? And maybe narcissistic? I told a few people, and got some confused responses (few people = my mom, and Dustin): what would we do with a video? Videography is becoming more and more commonplace at big events like weddings, but just the five of us goofing around with no real purpose?...do we really need footage of that?

When rain date #3 finally rolled around, I was still questioning my idea. I knew it could be cool, but I still worried that I'd feel/look awkward, and the whole thing would be a giant, embarrassing hassle. But then I remembered...I have three kids four and under. My whole life is a giant, embarrassing hassle. I forced Dustin to pep-talk me into my own idea, with both of us finally agreeing it would be fun. Or maybe terrible, but it would at least at some point be over, so...let's roll. So I piled on the bracelets, Dustin plastered on a smile, and we set out to make movie magic.

Well, spoiler alert: it ended up so not weird. And actually completely awesome.

A photo posted by Courtney Bowden (@bowdenisms) on May 20, 2016 at 6:39am PDT

All told, we spent a little over an hour at the park, just playing and running around, with refreshingly little forced smiling/posing. In fact- I didn't even have to use fruit snack bribery until the last five minutes, and even that was due to being out past bedtime, rather than any frustration with the process. That, my friends, is a win.

Mark was awesome- just completely relaxed and willing to roll with whatever. He's crazy good with video, but this was his first time doing a family shoot, so I warned him he'd likely be splicing together non-stop tantrums. But it was honestly the most painless of any of our photoshoots...I wasn't worried about getting the perfect shot, I didn't have to force anyone to cooperate, or smile, or even look at the camera. There was no wrangling, or lecturing...we just got to be. Us.

We wandered, ran, explored...took emergency potty breaks, got our shoes wet...picked flowers, chased balls...lost our bubbles container, yelled at imaginary sewer alligators...You know, the usual.

I was worried that this idea was silly...that I'd be self-conscious of the process, or critical of the result. But that couldn't have ended up farther for the truth. In the end, Mark created a perfect montage of our family- a silly, simple, happy little snippet, of a silly, simple, happy little family. 

The Bowden Family // Summer 2016 from Mark Batke on Vimeo.

Annnnnnnd tears.

I know I'm biased...but it's kind of amazing, right? I've watched it 1,003 times already, and I for real get a little teary every time. I'm just so thankful to have a keepsake like this- especially of this crazy (crazy good/crazy crazy) time in our lives that goes by entirely too fast (though it sometimes feels just the opposite). I just cherish this video, and am already counting down the days until we get to do it again (I may have roped him into one shoot per season this year...or maybe until the end of time.)

If you're intrigued by the idea too, I seriously can't recommend it enough. Even Dustin, who can be...um...a bit of a curmudgeon about these things, agreed he would absolutely do it again, even saying he preferred it hands down it to a photoshoot. (though don't kid yourself; I'm still going to force a few of those on him as well. Documentarians gotta document). I told Mark he needed to prepare himself for all the moms calling him wanting a family video, because in my (humble) opinion- this is pretty much the best idea of all time.

Mark- We're so grateful for your vision and your talent, but mostly your friendship. Thanks for showing up, and saying yes...for videoshoots, and in life. 

P.S. More photo/video/general creative awesomeness of Mark's: website // instagram

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Happy 2nd House-iversary!

Today marks the second anniversary of moving into our house. I suppose I could have to baked a cake, or bought something special, but instead we just trekked out in the rain-soaked grass for a (not-so) quick family selfie to mark the occasion. 

(nailed it. As always.)

In so many ways this house is nothing special...but in total it's actually something incredible.

It's more than a crowded garage, a messy basement, and chipping baseboards (though it is most definitely all of that). But it's also more than a picture-perfect view, spacious rooms and what seems like (comparatively speaking) an obscene number of bathrooms. 

In all the good, and the bad, and the just plain ordinary, this house is our safe haven, a spot for our family to grow, play, laugh, and rest. It's an imperfect and lovely backdrop for our imperfect and lovely lives.

I know we may not always live here, but I also know that wherever we may go next, we will always look back on this as the place we were when…

...When Fin turned one and we had a giant party on the deck...When we all got the stomach flu at the same time, and lived to tell about it...When Dustin took a risk and decided to be a stay-at-home dad (temporarily anyway)...When Miller was born and we brought him home. 

It's only been two years, but this house has already seen a thousand PBS kids shows, a million tears, a and about a jillion macaroni noodles. I can't imagine what the next year holds for us, but no matter what, I couldn't be more thankful for this place, these people, or this house. 

Happy anniversary, you beautiful chunk of home, you! 

Oh- and just for giggles...I thought I'd share the video version of this morning's celebration. (Further) proof we should never be vloggers. 

Happy 2nd House-iversary! from Courtney Bowden on Vimeo.

(Bonus: Dustin recites our new family motto: "attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure". Oh how true.)

P.S. Last year's house-iversary.

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Right now

Right now...

...Piper is sleeping, after promising not to get us up in the middle of the night. Unless, she really needs something. Like a drink. Or to be tucked in (again). Or to ask where her rainbow slippers are. Or to tell us that polka dot blanket needs a bath tomorrow.

...Fin is sleeping, after requesting/demanding repeated kisses on the lips.

...Miller is sleeping. Swaddled up, laying in his pack and play bassinet, next to the crib he still has never used.

...our Pandora Christmas station is playing...still...more...always.

...I'm feeling 100% awesome about managing to stay in my jammies all day (yay for working from home!)

...my hand aches from working on some handmade gifts. It's a good kind of pain.

...I'm looking forward to a beer, some laundry folding, and an episode of The Real Housewives. Well...looking forward to at least two of those things.

...Dustin is putting another coat of paint on a project for the girls (which is really a gift to me, to see him work so hard to make an idea of mine come to life).

...a friend is texting about a PJ + Christmas movie party tomorrow that we're pretending is for the kids.

...we're burning a fancy new candle (we have many leather-bound books, and our house smells of rich mahogany).

...I'm forcing myself to write, even though it's not going to be long. Even though it's not going to be eloquent. Even though it's not going to be exceptionally witty, or profound, or perfect. Just keep writing.

...I'm still marveling over these pictures of my ragamuffins kids. How did they get so awesome? How did I get so lucky? How are we going to remove all those tattoos?

...I'm really, super tired. And really, super happy.

What are you up to?

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This is it

I keep composing this post in my head, and every time I think about it, the Huey Lewis lyric "This is It!" starts playing in the background of my mind. The rest of the song really couldn't be less applicable the end of maternity leave...but the title fits, and the vibe is a little more appropriate than the other song that comes to mind: The Final Countdown. (For some reason I also keep thinking of In my Life by the Beatles, and then it devolves into Closing Time, followed by the Vitamin C Graduation Song...so I think it'd be best for me to stop singing and just start writing...)

So...

This is it. 

My last day of maternity leave before I head back to the office on Monday. I've written about the transition back to work before (twice actually)...and so much of that still applies. I'm still weepy about leaving my baby. I'm still nervous about how to put a different me, back in the same work box. But I've figured it out before. We've made it work before. My other babies were ok. We will all be ok again. 

This time I'm not mourning what I'm leaving, or looking with anxiety on what's to come as much as I'm simply looking back with gratefulness on what we've had. I see maternity leave as a gift. Yes, it's an incredibly trying time, full of change and challenges, but above all that it is a gift. It's an extravagant blessing of time, with no expectation other than learning about and falling in love with a brand new baby human. As a mom of three I know how busy things can get, and how fast life can fly by, so for me to have twelve full weeks to dote on and fawn over and marvel at this sweet creation I've been given...well, it just doesn't get better than that.

A few weeks ago, I started panicking that my maternity leave was almost over (I had to fight this feeling multiple times of the last three months) and I worried I didn't have much "to show" for it. This stage goes by so quickly, and can become a repetitive blur of sleepless nights and mundane days. I feared reaching the end of my time off and feeling like I hadn't made it count, hadn't done enough, hadn't savored it properly. I felt sick at the possibility that I had been given a this glorious gift, and had squandered it. When I looked back on this time, what would I remember? What did we do? What did it mean?

So I did what I do when my mind is jumbled and my heart is hurting...I reflected, and I wrote. I wrote down all the things I could think of that we did over this time. And though I didn't come close to capturing the infinite teeny tiny individual moments over the past twelve weeks, I still amassed quite the list. And with every entry into the unofficial log, I felt more at peace. I did have something to show for it all. I have so, SO much. 

Gave baths; Changed diapers; Went to the fair (twice in one week); Ate frozen yogurt; Saw brand new baby lion cubs; Played at the playground (and the other playground, and that other playground...all the playgrounds!); Wiped down the kitchen 1,000 times; Saw a regatta; Folded tiny laundry; Used the elliptical (twice); Fulfilled near constant requests to "Set up the bounce house?!"; Joined a bible study; Rode bikes; Ate, ate, and ate some more; Nursed, nursed, and nursed some more; Took neighborhood walks; Stressed too much about my weight; Made new friends; Went swimming; Snuggled; Went on lunch dates; Met with our life group; Stockpiled milk; Read bedtime stories; Read those same bedtime stories again; Wore out my phone battery; Volunteered at church; Swaddled/Rocked/Repeated; Wrote (for this blog, for baby books, for other sites...); Played with the neighbors; Planned a birthday party; Trick or Treated (x3); Attended MOPS; Changed a million more diapers; Made freezer meals; Celebrated our anniversary; Sewed a quilt; Went to a flea market; Started (the most informal) piano lessons; Settled arguments; Mandated time-outs; Used the rowing machine; Hosted out of town guests; Worked out a budget; Overspent our budget; Finished my pregnancy journal; Made art for the house; Dedicated Miller;  Napped; Watched bootlegged movies; Bought all the Halloween costumes; Decorated two bedrooms; Dressed like pirates; Saw a high school play; Went to a concert; Partied with the worship team; Got out the newborn onesies; Packed away the newborn onesies; Smelled a sweet baby head...over and over again; Kissed boo-boos; Went to a preschool birthday party; Attended a wedding; Rode festival rides, played festival games, ate festival food; Discovered my MBTI (it's ENTJ if you're interested); Rode the carousel 5 consecutive times at our company party; Did I mention changed diapers?; Rode ponies; Enjoyed family dinner night; Watched DVR'ed TV; Drank pumpkin beer; Cleaned out the garage; Saw a super moon; Cleaned out toe fuzzies; Ate ice cream; Took a zillion pictures; Painted nails; Pushed swings; Bought (and returned) things I don't need at Target; Wrote thank you notes; Had a family photoshoot; Sent birth announcements; Got new contact lenses; Set our clocks back; Listened to (half of) an audio book; Square danced; Colored so many pictures; Argued; Made up; Drafted a truly terrible fantasy football team; Survived a cold; Changed some (more) diapers; And about a million, billion other things...

We did the newborn things, the toddler things, the preschool things, the married things, the church things, the holiday things, the family things, the stay-at-home-mom things; the Summer things, the Fall things. We packed a whole lot into those twelve weeks- some of it monumental, but most of it not. There were incredibly fun outings, and deliciously slow days. There were frustrating moments, and exhausting nights. There were things I'd never do again but then they'd always seemed right (Just kidding...I started to slide into a Celine Dion song there...)

And after looking back on it all...I realize This Is It. Not in an it's oveeeeerrrrrrrrr type of way. No. I mean, This: this endless list of tasks and activities and duties and blessings...This is IT. What it's all about. What matters. At times I tend to think that life is measured or evaluated by the big moments, by the sweeping changes by the epic narratives. But really it's this minutia that adds up to a life (this is where the RENT soundtrack starts to play...In daylights, in sunsets, In midnights, in cups of coffee...) Maternity leave is twelve weeks of caring for a miniature human. It might be 90% dealing with bodily fluids, 8% propping your eyelids open and 2% soaking up life changing smiles, but in the end, being a mom to a newborn is entirely regular stuff, that is somehow transformed into something spectacular when looked at as a whole. Each day was just a day, filled with messes and tears, and successes and laughs...but after twelve weeks, those teeny snippets have knit themselves into something bigger; Something I couldn't be more grateful for. And that's what I'll try to remember as I grow weary of the mundane tasks of motherhood, and feel tempted to fast forward through the worst parts of each stage.... This. All of this. Is it. And oh how wonderful it is.

Photo credit: Shutter & Glass Photography

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