Goal Setter, Go-Getter and kind of Forgetter

Well, once again I have blinked, and it's Back to School time. Whaaaaaat? You would think having all the kids home for a surprise extra year and a half (that's a nice way to describe the events of 2020, right? A surprise? Surrrrrre.) would have given me enough time to adjust to all of this....I should be extra ready! But instead, I find myself just as shocked (and sad) by the end of Summer as I always am. Never enough Summer!!

So- as we're a mere day away from another school year starting, what better time to pull out a long-abandoned blog post that I never got around to sharing? It's the perfect time to chat about our Summer goals! Sure!

A few months ago, I was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed about the possibilities of Summer....and adorably naive about how motivated my kids (and I) would be to learn and grow. With the structure of school ending, I wanted some way to keep them from completely melting into lazy, screen-dependent, blobs of dumb...and encourage them to keep moving, learning and maybe even cleaning once in a while?! The solution?  A chore chart...of sorts. But hopefully more open ended and goal-centric versus just a strict to-do list. I scoured the Internet for something that matched my vision...and came up short. So I made my own!

Each day, we tried to accomplish something from each of 5 categories. Something good for our:

1. Mind
2. Body
3. Soul
4. Home
5. Others

Is that kind of a lot? Of course! I'm nothing if not on-brand with my constant over-zealous achievement-oriented optimism! But I wasn't trying to be overly legalistic about the whole thing. It was just a framework to get us all focused on what kind of goodness we could infuse into our days, and how we could be intentional about spending our time. (Plus, pretty much anything goes when it comes to "soul"...so whatever floats your boat and makes you happy, that counts!)

I framed the chart with the intention of plotting out our goals together each Sunday. I planned on sharing the file at the beginning of Summer as an encouragement to anyone else who was looking for a way to put a little bit of structure back in this wild (and wonderful) listless season. Buttttttttt.....I never posted. But buuuuutttttt, we did use ours! Sometimes! Very imperfectly!

The super simple guide to how it works (or how it could work if you were actually diligent about it):
Each row is a category, each column is a day. Each Sunday evening (theoretically) we sat down together and planned out how we could make the most of our days. We weren't strict about every single person having a goal for every single box, every single day...it was more of an aspirational framework. If they had piano, or swim lessons, that counted! If we were planning on doing something especially fun, that would check a box! I tried to make it less about the pressure of ALL THE THINGS WE HAVE TO DO and more about encouragement to serve each other well, and care for ourselves well.

I'm still learning what works for each of my kids. Some are very type-A, and love structure and a challenge. And some....do not. So I will not act like this exercise was a rousing success all around. (I have four children- literally nothing is a rousing success all around. Not even ice cream.) But it did put some guardrails around our life, provide some guidance with plans, and a little bit of accountability for contributing around the house. They were proud when they accomplished things, were a little extra-motivated to find ways to help, and had a better sense of how to earn the allowances they are so desperate to implement around here.

By no means have I cracked the code on How to Win Friends and Influence Tiny People, but it was worth a shot anyway. And now we find ourselves abruptly at the end of the Summer, staring down a new season with new needs and new rhythms. Daily goals at this stage would be overwhelming to even the most planning of planners. But I wanted to experiment a little and see if we could continue down a path of thoughtful living...maybe just with a little looser framework to match our current needs. 

So I reworked it to be weekly, replacing the daily columns with column for each kid (and a shared column for us grown-ups). The concept remains the same, it's just spread out over the week.

Time will tell if this is a helpful tool or a complete stressor. Maybe BOTH!

If you're a like-minded goal-getter (and occasional forgetter), you can download copies here: 

Summer- Daily Goals

Fall- Weekly Goals

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New Year, Same Me

 

 

New Year, New Me!

Except...not at all. We’ve turned to a new calendar page and I am very, very much the same me. I struggled hard with resolutions this time around- not with keeping them (haven’t even gotten the CHANCE to fail yet!)- but with setting them at all. I just want so much...so much growth, improvement, change, progress, accomplishment, that I didn’t even know where to start with overhauling myself. I felt immense pressure to have a life-changing word to focus on, to commit to fixing all of my flaws, or (AND) to finally find a way to feel like I’m doing things right. I just want to do all the things right.

This need to be better was overwhelming me. Especially following a year largely spent just literally trying to survive. Be better?! I’m already doing my absolute best. 

So, I paused. And I looked at my reflection with eyes full of grace, threw out all the expectations, gave myself a giant self-care self-hug and committed to loving myself extravagantly, just as I am, because that’s what I deserve.  

Nope. 

 

I did not do that. 

I languished in the messy middle- caught between ambition and guilt. Wanting to do all the things, and also wanting to just...nap for a while and wake up to a revised, slightly easier existence. I mentally jotted down a few new goals/rules, became instantly frustrated that my nearly imperceptible behavior changes aren't immediately translating to seismic life shifts, and berated myself for all the ways I’m already and always falling short. 

I am immensely hard on myself. I know this. But changing that would mean a whole new me, and as I’ve said...that’s just not happening right now. So perhaps I’ll take baby steps towards improvement by way of easing up on my quest for improvement. (The irony...) 

 

First up in this new journey through sameness- giving you the pep talk I really need to hear:

HEY YOU. Yes, you. You...are good. Just as you are. You don’t have to be new, or better. ESPECIALLY right now. You are more than the worst parts of you. But you’re also more than the best parts of you. You are worthy of love and happiness and a freaking break even IF...even WHEN...you still can’t manage to wake up early (or on time), you haven’t lost the last 5 (ok 15) pounds, or you are facing a photo album deficit you’ll never be able to Shutterfly your way out of. Whatever the thing is (or the multitude of things are) telling you you’re a failure- it's lying. You may be a night owl who’s a little round in the middle with a sad lack of baby books compared to your abundance of children (yes- this talk is starting to get oddly specific)...but THAT IS OK. It’s not all you are. It’s not all you’ll ever be. Because even if those things never get transformed (via magical January willpower or any other means)- THERE IS MORE TO YOU. And it is lovely and complex and flawed and quite possibly very similar to the you of last year in a lot of magnificent ways. 

 

If the world gets one more year of YOU? It should rejoice (and I promise you, so many people really are giddy about the same old you- even if they're maybe just a bit too distracted by their own neglected treadmills, cast-off hobbies and angry outbursts to make it fully known.)

So get better! Maybe! A little! Where you can, how you can, when you can! (Because frankly, Netflix doesn't need your undying devotion, and swapping a soda out for a water every now and again might be an experiment worth trying). But also: be the same! Because the unique goodness that is inherently yours needs not a single tweak. 

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Annnnnnnnd abrupt cut back to me. In the now. The girl who's not exactly feeling all mushy gushy with self-acceptance, but also doesn't have the energy to Make This My Year! I want to believe my own words and follow my own advice and love my own self. And I do, or I am, or I will...or something. I don't know where I stand with my goals or my word and I sure don't know what this year will hold for me or turn me into. 2020 was a year of a loooooooooot of sameness, and yet I don't know anyone who wouldn't describe it as transformative. So maybe there is a New Me on the horizon. Maybe I will win my battle against screen-time addiction or find a new level of parenting patience or remember to switch the laundry the same day I wash it. Or maybe it will be more of the same- viewed and valued with a bit of a new perspective. It's a new year...anything is possible.

 

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On the Record: Tools for Documenting 2020

Literally nobody: 

 

Me: OMG I can't believe it's already 2020...that's practically the future. I have so many feels, and thoughts, and plans, and dreams, LET ME BLOG ABOUT IT!!

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Ok. Let's be honest- the blog has been getting a bit dusty recently (the last 3 years is recent, right? Well, considering I still think of myself as a "recent" college grad -against all evidence to the contrary- we'll go with yes.) And though a new year (and new decade!!) should be the perfect Venn Diagram of nostalgia and possibility to get my creative juices flowing...it's just....not gonna happen. Don't get me wrong- I'm not above the New Year's hype. In the next few days, I'm nearly guaranteed to get overcome by the (warp speed) passage of time and weep quietly into my sparkling pear cider over the misty water-colored memmmmmoriiiiies of it all. I'm also most certainly going to get caught up in the resolution pressure and come up with elaborate New Year, New Me schemes (that I will unceremoniously abandon in the matter of weeks). But in this moment, I don't have the capacity (mental or logistical) to wax nostalgically about the '10's (or anything really). It's honestly all I can do to keep up with the pace of now, I struggle to look too far back or forward. 

BUT- I DO love documenting and memory keeping- and have found a few projects and tools over the years that I'm planning to bring into 2020. Thought I'd share these favs here!

If you want to....

Be a Movie Star:

I'm about to wrap our fourth year of capturing little snippets via One Second Every Day and it remains just one of my very favorite things. I love that it encourages me to record more footage of our lives...it makes me notice and appreciate the regular everyday moments (and micro-moments) that add up to a whole life. You can see our compilations: #bowdens1se and download the app to start your own. 

If you want to....

Rekindle Your Love for Dear Old Diary: 

Always wanted to journal, but never seem to find the time (or motivation)? I feel you. But the One Line a Day journal makes it about as easy as it's ever going to get. It's a five-year journal with one page per day of the year. Each page has room for a few sentences from that day, which in my experience is just enough to record some meaningful memories (or even just mundane happenings) without getting overwhelmed by the task of keeping up. Sure, I am usually at least a week or two behind, but I managed to fill up my last volume with relatively few gaps (unless you count the 4 year hiatus I took from 2010 to 2015). And the payoff is so fun when you're able to look back on "your day in history" (I always describe it as "analog Timehop") and marvel at how far you've come (or how some things never change). 

If you want to....

Print Some Real Live Pictures on Real Live Paper:

Chat books, ya'll. This subscription service has been a total game-changer for me. I have it connected to my Instagram (but it works with any social channel, or just your phone's camera roll), so it automatically funnels all my pics (and wordy, wordy captions!) into a book...when it reaches 60 pages- boom! Prints and ships. I'm on my 35th volume (I started in June of 2013- back when we were welcoming baby Finney!) and they are the only family photo albums I have. I've got BIG dreams of making 2020 the year I finally get my act together and make family "yearbook" photo albums (I only have 14 years of married life to catch up on...) but regardless of if I ever dig myself out of that mom-guilt hole (and digital file mountains), I'm endlessly thankful for how easy Chatbooks makes it to (literally) hold on to our memories. (If you're new to the game you can save $10 on your first order.)

 

If you want to....

Listen to Something Besides The Frozen 2 Soundtrack: 

(Ok- this one isn't about documenting memories...but it is about making memories, and it's a fun project to kick off a new year!)

In a music rut? Solution: The Magical Musical Mystery Tour. "The what now?" you ask? (Well I've only been sharing it every week on my Instagram stories for a year...but I'll forgive you if you missed it, just as you'll forgive me for talking about it again). In an effort to expand our family's musical repertoire, we introduced a year-long project to listen to different artists each week. And it was WILDLY SUCCESSFUL. By that I mean-my van jams were mercifully light on the Kidz Bop, and my kids actually might know a thing or two about musicians beyond Taylor Swift. (not hating, Tay Tay!) I've got a new version in the works for 2020 (aiming to start mid-January) but in the meantime, you can rock the original version:

• Print out the the list of artists
• Put them in a jar, and pull out one each week. 
• Rock out!

You can also check out the playlist with all our pre-filtered picks.

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I know I get a little over the top sometimes with documenting alllll the things (I hear you, Dustin! I'm not changing, but I hear you!) but these apps and tools help me capture things without getting (too) stressed. If you give any of these a shot- let me know! I'd love to follow along!

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We need a miracle

Over the years I've done every version of resolutions imaginable (trust me...read for yourself)..from monthly goals, to a theme for the year...little tasks, giant shifts...it's been all over the board. I don't always make them and if I do, I certainly don't always follow through (maybe never. Never might be more accurate there), but regardless, I like the idea. I'm a goal oriented person, and I love the structure, the challenge, the fresh-start, the chance to dream...

But this year I didn't have a clue what my resolution would be, or if I would even make one at all. Sure, I have some cliché fitness goals I'd like to work towards (oooh, New Year's diet, how fascinatingly original!) but outside of that vague "tone it up" nonsense that I am barely bothering to solidify, I haven't given the whole topic much thought this time around.

Cut to: Our living room this morning.
We were watching "church at home"- the live streaming service that our church did instead of a traditional gathering this week, and the worship team started playing "We Need a Miracle". It's an original song by our worship leader...one we've played a few times this year as a type of anthem to go with the advent series.

Miracle, miracle, we need a miracle. 

Miller was snuggled up next to me (loving watching our friends on the big screen), and after every line of the song, he said to me, "Miracle? Miracle, mama?"
"Yes, buddy, miracle" I said to him again and again.

I thought it was funny how he latched on to the word...and cute how he kept repeating it back to me to make sure he got it right. Now, I don't actually think he grasped the concept, but it still got me thinking...

As I showered tonight, getting ready for the night's festivities, I just kept hearing that word in my head.
Miracle.

Miracle.

We need a miracle.

I need a miracle.

That was it. My word. My resolution. My truth.
Because what is a miracle? I guess it's anything that seems impossible, and yet...is, anyway. It's something awesome, that defies all explanation. It's hope, and power and and it's divine.

And that is what we need.

I don't need a little more sleep, or a little more patience, or to lose five pounds, or to stop using the f-word when I'm aggravated. (Ok...I do kinda need all of those things...). I need a MIRACLE to shape who I am, to guide the course of my life...to do...everything.

Because left to my own devices, ideas, and abilities, I'll set up some decent goals, and pray some modest prayers. I'll try hard, fail hard, and pray for help along the way. But a miracle? Am I bold enough, and faithful enough, to actually ask for a miracle? And am I wise enough, and faithful enough, to notice one when I get it?

What are the miracles we so desperately need?
And what would happen if we actually asked for them? 

Healing, freedom, restoration, transformation...

That's the stuff we can't earn, we can't try our way into, and we can't set up measured milestones towards achieving.

I need big giant miracles in my life right now.
Not the: Man, it'd be a miracle if I could get out the door on time in the morning kind (though it would be...for real), but the: God, please step in and fix this mess, bless these people, redeem what I can't, heal this pain, remove this fear, console this hurt, do stuff I can barely even imagine kind of miracle.

And if you were willing to share, I'd bet you do too.
What are you hoping for in 2018? A new relationship? A restored old one? A career transformation? A reversal of a diagnosis? The arrival of a baby? Freedom from addiction? Forgiveness for a mistake?

Well what if we asked for these things? What if we just put our hands up, and cried out: we need a miracle?

Would He show up?

Well...I think so. And so that's my word. And that's my hope. And that's my prayer.

Our hearts are tiredSend us a miracleOur faith is triedPlease send us a miracle. 

And if I'm willing to pray for that...then I need to be trusting to receive it. I need to have my eyes, and arms, and heart open to notice- and welcome- the miracles when they come. I need to be humble enough to admit that I don't have the power to do this on my own...and faithful enough to eagerly believe and expect that God can- and will- do the impossible in my life.

2018...A miraculous year in the making.

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The Year of the Bird

Today is my birthday. Which of course, means I'm pondering the meaning of life, and other gigantic questions like when the heck did I get so OLD? And uncool?

At this stage of my life, I don't even pretend to be cool. I (still) barely how to use Snapchat, I won't rock highwaisted pants with a crop top, and...well, I don't really even know about enough cool things to make a compelling list of the things I don't do. But- I do occasionally hear slang from the whippersnappers (aka: my teenage nieces, and a few adorably young-professional friends) and have picked up a couple things here and there. 

So, have you heard of a Jordan Year? 

I'll save you the trip to Urban Dictionary and explain: 
The 23rd and best year of your life. Named in reference to Michael Jordan, superhero basketball player, whose jersey number is 23.

Well...clearly that ship has sailed for me. Womp, womp. Guess it's all downhill from here. Actually...guess it was all downhill from 10 years ago? Even wompier womp. It's a shame no one told me that I peaked (or maybe, was supposed to have peaked). If I had known at the time that I was having a Jordan Year...I could have, I don't know, made it a Jordan Year. Just dominating life all over the place, making a name for myself, solidifying a legacy.

(for what it's worth, 23 actually wasn't bad...during my Jordan Year, I completed my thesis in fashion design, graduated summa cum laude, got several job offers, accepted a position in a brand new field, moved to a new city, upgraded to a two bedroom apartment, made some new best friends, celebrated my second wedding anniversary, won my Fantasy Football League, and started this blog. So, yeah, as the kids say: NBD.) 

So maybe I had a Jordan Year after all, without knowing it? But rather than basking in former glory (fear not- there is sooooo much sarcasm to be read there), or wallowing in dreams never realized, it got me thinking about my birthday number this year: 33.

And immediately I thought of an iconic basketball player who donned that number: Number 33, Larry Bird.

As a kid growing up in the 80's/90's I watched a good bit of NBA (thanks, Daddy!), and even played my fair share of Jordan vs. Bird on my SEGA, so Bird is a pretty familiar figure for me. And while he may not get quite the attention given to Air Jordan, he's still a legacy in his own right. (I mean...he did guest star in Space Jam!)

So if my Jordan year has come and gone, taking with it the opportunity to be the best ever, what is it 33 going to be about? Well...maybe it can be my Bird Year.

Because here's the deal...there might be some debate around who's the best to ever play the game, but there is no disputing that Larry Bird was incredible (and could rock short-shorts and tall-socks like nobody's business). But here's the thing I didn't know: Bird is the only man to be named an MVP, Coach of the Year, and Executive of the Year in the NBA.

 That's a pretty sweet trifecta...

And that got me encouraged. Because let's be real. I'm no Michael Jordan. I mean...in so, so, so many obvious ways...but really, I'm not the absolute best at much. Or...anything. Don't get me wrong; I'm good at a lot of things. I'm even great at some things. But I'm not the tip-top, mic-drop BEST. EVER.

So a Jordan Year, while a fun idea, seems preeeeeetty much impossible.
But a Bird Year? Being really, really great, at a whole bunch of things? Being individually awesome, but also known for leading others? Being so solid in so many ways that the sum is even bigger than its parts? That feels like something worth chasing.

I'm not going to be the best mom this year. (Or ever. Even if that was a real thing). And I'm not going to be the best client service associate (and if I was, I'd want a snappier title for my trophy). Or wife. Or friend. Or.....you get it. Nothing. But I can be a pretty dang good one of each. Like, the absolute best I can be at each of them. And then when it all adds up, I could be the only person to be named the top of my game in that specific combo of things...

I could be the only person to ever earn the title of Piper's Best Story Reader, Blondest Worship Singer at North Church, and Funniest Bachelor Commentator on Our Couch.

Or maybe: Miller's Favorite Snuggler, Most Committed to Finishing a Quilt in Under Three Years, and Best Grapefruit Cocktail Mixologist in the 'Burbs.

Ok...maybe my categories need some work. And yes, I realize that Bird didn't need silly qualifiers with all of his titles. He was actually certifiably wonderful at quite a few things. But you know what? So am I. And I've got all year to keep dreaming, keep doing, keep being awesome things.

Yep. I'm pretty sure 33...my Bird Year...is gonna be an All-Star year.

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One Second, One Year

I did it! I made it to the end of my 1 Second Every Day project. For one whole year, I faithfully took video, after video, after video...Did I mention it was FOR ONE WHOLE YEAR!?
I'm not sure I've ever managed to keep up with a goal for this long (no matter how good my intentions were, or how fun the goal was) so I'm super proud to have stuck with it.

A year ago I had just heard of the 1SE app, and thought it would be a fun documentary-adventure to try.

The start of my #1se project. Super cute mixed with super mundane... these are the 1 second snippets that add up to our wild and ordinary- and wonderful- life. #thebowdenfamily #1secondeveryday

A video posted by Courtney Bowden (@bowdenisms) on Jan 12, 2016 at 2:00pm PST

I wasn't sure how long I would do it, but I quickly became addicted, to the process and the results. Recording little snippets became part of my daily habit, and though my phone storage is paying the price, I'm pumped to have so many little memories captured over the last year. And uploading each mini-movie into the app each month (or so) was a fun way to soak in all the awesome-ness that was happening around us- just enough distance from it to have perspective, but still in the moment enough to soak it up.

And now, 365 days later (+1 for leap year) I have a finished film...one second from every day in 2016. It's a super-fast, chaotic little montage, which feels about right for our super-fast, chaotic little life. 

The Bowdens 1 Second Every Day: 2016 from Courtney Bowden on Vimeo.

A friend asked me yesterday if I was going to do 1SE again this year...And honestly I hadn't even thought about it. I guess it's become such a constant part of our lives, that I didn't even think about it as a decision. My documentarian streak has taken different turns with varying levels of success over the years (scrapbooking, blogging, photo-a-day-ing), but this format has been such a fun challenge, and in the end, and incredible blessing. I'm already scheming new ways I can use it this year (like our day in the life, and vacation video), and trying to get more friends on the bandwagon so I can watch yours too! (if you have ideas, or give it a try yourself, let me know!)

So, farewell, 2016. I didn't love all 31.5 million+ seconds...but there were more than a few moments of pure perfection in there. Looking forward to all the sweetness 2017 has to offer...one second at a time.

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Screen Free Mondays

Alright...so you know how Dustin and I are always scheming some sort of life change experiment? Well, probably more accurately, how I'm always scheming some sort of life change experiment, and Dustin humors my super-passionate kinda-crazy spirit, and goes along with many of my whims?

Well...yeah. That's a thing. And I'm (we're) at it again.

You see, a few weeks ago, I came up with an idea to revolutionize our lives (again) (some more)! I call it:

Screen Free Mondays!

Awww, yeah.

What's that mean, exactly? You might be asking yourself (Or if you are Dustin: asking me). Well basically it's a commitment to forgo "screen time" all day, one day a week. You see, one thing I've learned about myself over years of tried and failed resolutions, is that I'm not really a "set reasonable limits for myself and see small incremental change" type of person. I'm not great at a slow, steady pace of one good choice after another until it adds up to a better whole. I'm impatient, with a big bias towards action. When I get an idea, I want to do it. Pretty much now, and probably with both feet. But just before that, I want to define it, give it parameters,and make it a thing. 

So when I was sensing that our family had gotten a little too enamored by and entrenched in the glow of our screens (phones, tablets, computers, TV) I knew we could just try to rein it in a little. But no...that's not the Courtney way. Instead, why don't we go for a semi-extreme experiment? With a name? And rules?!

I approached my people with my proposal- "Guys...How do you feel about Screen. Free. MONDAYS?!?! (pause for enthusiastic reactions) (receive no enthusiastic reactions)"

"Ummmm. What? Is that?"
"But I like my tablet!"
"Forever?"
"What's 'Mondays'?"

Alright...so we had some education to do.

But quicker than you might imagine, I managed to get everyone on board. I was basically making the rules up as we go, so as the questions kept coming, I kept spitting out half-baked answers.

What?
A day for all of us to take a break from screens, and prioritize time talking, playing reading, etc. etc. etc. together.

Why?
Well, because we (mostly the grown up "we's") have gotten a little too attached to our phones and shows and a little too comfortable with a nightly routine of Netflix and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. This will be a good chance to prioritize more social interaction vs. social media, more quality time spent together vs. time in close general proximity to each other, and maybe even a little more progress on all the things we should be doing vs. getting sucked into another episode of 60 Days In (though it is pretty good). (For the record, the kids are screen dependent zombies. The baby thankfully still doesn't know what TV is, and the girls watch a couple shows in the morning while we get ready/they eat breakfast. So they are along for the ride in the name of family solidarity,

When? 
Mondays.

Why? 
Well, because the weekends would be just too dang hard. But weekdays when we have a lot going on might not pose enough of a challenge. Monday nights are usually wide open, so why not make that our chance for together time?

Forever?
Well, no. How 'bout a month. We can do a month, right?

So there we had it. Screen Free Mondays was/is officially a thing.
And guess what?! We're already 2 weeks in. Yeah I know...If you take a break from social media, but don't post about it on social media, did it even happen? We had to shuffle it to Tuesday in week two because Dustin was traveling on Monday...And a day spent in an airport is pretty much impossible (or at least relatively tortuous) without screens. Plus you know I wasn't making it through a full 24 hours riding solo with three little ones without at least a little bit of technology backup (Holla, Curious George Halloween Special! Thanks for making a shower possible for mama!) But we made it happen.

Depending on your relationship with technology the whole thing might not seem that extreme. After all, it's a day without Facebook, not a season on the Oregon Trail. I'm not sharing this in an effort to earn admiration for my brave crusade. (I mean...unless you want to throw that my way. I'm not turning it down). And I honestly don't think we're actually terribly addicted to technology...at least not more than average Americans. But I know how easy it has become for me to absentmindedly scroll through my feeds, while the TV hums in the background. Or to reach for my phone whenever there's a 2.5 second lull in the action of my life. Phones, and feeds and input, input, input have become a constant presence in my day.

So I get that this isn't trophy-worthy, but I am at least a little bit excited/proud about making some effort to shift from mindlessness, to intentional-ity.

Halfway through our first day, I sent Dustin an IM (sanctioned screen use!) complaining:

C: "You have no idea how hard it is for me not to tool around on the side while I'm on this nevvvvvver ending conference call."
D: "I know...I was a few minutes early to a meeting and I just had to stand there."

So, guys:
The struggle is real.
We're fighting the good fight.
And other way over-dramatic cliches that signify how way-too-seriously I take everything.

But it's Screen Free Mondays! A new, and totally real thing that deserves my effort! And theatrics! And total commitment for at least a short period of time, followed by an over-analysis of lessons learned, and then an inevitable abandonment of revised habits, until I freak out and repeat the cycle six months later*.

In case you're interested in joining in (I really sold it, I know), here's where we landed on the somewhat-arbitrary-but-they-make-sense-to-me guidelines:

No:

• Social Media
• TV/Netflix/Movies
• Personal email
• Web browsing 
• Games or "Time wasting" apps (pretty much social media, but also fantasy football, 1 second everyday, timehop etc.)
• Photo editing/blogging

Yes:

• Work (email/all other worky work stuff)
• Texting
• Taking pictures/videos
• "Utility apps"- maps, weather, uber, video monitor, etc. 
• Pandora/Spotify

So, yes, technically we still use screens on Mondays, but the goal is for them to be functional devices that add to our day, not entertainment devices that take away from our real-life opportunities for connection. Work is a given (as much as I'd love a "sorry...I'm not using screens today" pass for all my Monday duties, I'm afraid that wouldn't fly). And all of the "approved" activities on our list are things we already use pretty responsibly (I've never skipping out on playing with my kids because I accidentally got too engrossed in The Weather Channel). Plus, the spirit of the experiment is the important part...I'm trying to improve the quality of our relationships, not become Amish. 

We're two weeks in, three weeks to go (somehow I picked a month with 5 Mondays...figures.) I'll keep you posted on our progress. If irony allows, I may even choose a new hashtag.

* Unfortunately not a hypothetical cycle. I've been working the TV Free Fanfare since 2008. And in 2010. And in 2011. And 2012. (After that I'm pretty sure I did it some more, but maybe mercifully managed to not write about it).

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Sealed with a...

Happy New Year! (I believe the year still counts as "new" for at least a month. Maybe five.)
Things have been wild around here, so I'm happy to be back in action with my first post of the year, even if it did take me a while. I'd like to say I have all kinds of reasons for not making time to write, but really it comes down to two things:

1. Binge-watching Making a Murderer
2. Running the Bachelor pool

I'll spare you a detailed rant here, but it's safe to say if you've seen me in person at any point in 2016, those are probably the only two things I talked about. (They're both so crazy and addicting in entirely different ways).

But in addition to holing up on my couch, eyes glued to my TV, I have managed to do at least a little bit of (slightly) deep thinking. It is the New Year, after all, and heaven knows I love me some introspection, goals, planning and resolutions. I wrote a post on this topic for Thrive Moms last week, (proof I haven't let my brain go entirely to mush) actually talking about how we shouldn't feel pressure to make resolutions...which for me has been really good to remember. But while I'm letting go of the over-anxious striving, and stringent rules for myself, I'm still thinking about what I want to focus on this year, and where I can look for growth. I'm still in processing mode for the most part, but I think I've landed on two things I want to do (besides watch Making a Murderer, and run a Bachelor pool):

1. Have a small every day resolution
2. Choose a "word of the year"

I’ve done resolutions a few different ways over the years…ranging from choosing annual themes, writing a full list, and just ignoring the task entirely (if you’re interested: 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015) Let's skip the long winded recap and I'll just sum it up: I haven’t been overwhelmingly successful with any approach. Best intentions. Rough follow through. Some years were better than others, and I've got some thoughts on what process works best for me. But all that's still simmering for a bit, so for now we'll just focus on goal #1- one small task I'll aim to do every day. 

I found this goal tracker and loved the simplicity of it, and the message: "Big Things Happen One Day at a Time". It's a great reminder not to get overzealous (and overwhelmed) by a huge change- I can just take little steps forward, one at a time, every day. I pondered what I'd want to focus on, aiming to find something I knew I could be successful at, but that would still stretch me and lead me towards a worthwhile end. I'm self aware enough to know that anything involving exercise was going to be a near-immediate failure. And while I have some other creative challenges I might want to pursue, I didn't want to get too rigid about those. Also, I wanted to make sure that I chose something that I really could see myself doing every single day for the full year...not something I'd approach with gusto now, but then get burned out on, or even maybe complete before the year was over. 

So...drumroll...here's what I landed on:

 Yep. My goal, every day this year, is to kiss my husband.

Surprised?
Yeah...me too, a little.

I don't write a lot about marriage here, which in a way is a little odd, because it's such a huge part of my life. But because it's a partnership, it doesn't feel fully mine to talk about. I do love the idea of being transparent and authentic, but I also want to be respectful, and appropriately private with what I share. It can be a funny balance; if I talk about how much I love being married, and how awesome my husband is (I do, and he is) then it sounds like sappy bragging (which no one likes). But if I'm too open about our struggles (which we do have...despite all that sappy brag-worthy stuff) then it can sound like complaining or give the appearance that we're worse off than we are. And of course, no one likes their mistakes or shortcomings blasted out to the public, so I try to be thoughtful about how I'd want to be portrayed, and only write things about others that they'd want to read...inclusive- especially- of my husband. (but let's be real, he's pretty much perfect, so that makes my writing job easy. ;)

So as I share my goal to kiss my husband daily, I want to give some details to help round out the full picture. Dustin and I are very much in love. We are also very much buried in the overwhelming task of raising three small humans. And try as we might to prevent it, that second part can sometimes trump that first part. Parenting is hard work, and it comes with the sacrifice of much, most noteably: time to do anything besides parenting. I couldn't ask for a more hands-on and devoted partner, but being in this together, isn't always the same as being together. When I reflected on it, I realize we spend much of our time either dividing and conquering (or at least avoiding being entirely conquered), or moving in parallel. There is understandably a ton of time that we spend apart, either working, tackling chores, or wrangling the kids. But what I started to see more and more of is time that we're technically together, but are heads down, moving through a to-do list. This shoulder to shoulder work is good, and I'm overwhelmingly thankful to have him by my side, but I'm also craving more face-to-face time. 

As I said, we're still very much in love, but with the chaos of work and little ones, it's easy to plow through a day and not truly see each other until the evening. Even then, routine can take over, with chores and sheer exhaustion squeezing out spontaneous romance. I'm not saying we never make time to be together (I mean, all those kids didn't come from no where. Oh, gross...come on, my dad is reading...) but we could still do a better job of weaving some affection into the pattern of our everyday.

So my goal is simple. Kiss my husband, every day. And if I can get really lofty here...let's say on the lips, even! I want to avoid making it an air-kiss as we speed out the door in the morning, or a quick peck before we crash for the night. What I really want, at least once every day, is to take a pause, look into my husband's eyes, and kiss him like I mean it. Because I do. 

As it turns out, this is not a hard task once I started to be mindful of it. We have a ton of opportunities for little lovey-dovey moments, as long as we're looking for them. And I'm happy to report that we're off to a great- perfect!- start: our lips have locked every single day this year. It's such a simple, but important way for us to invest in each other, and our family. (Piper is unaware of our goal, but is still encouraging, telling us "Aw...you two are so cute when you kiss!") So as strange or vulnerable as it may feel to share it, I'm so excited about this goal, and will be proudly planting one on my partner for the next 350+ days (and hopefully many, many more to come).

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