Mom-life Podcast

Last week I was a guest on Jen Hatzung's show: The Mom Life Podcast. I met Jen years ago, at my first blogging conference, and have kept up with her various projects since then. She started a mom-centered podcast earlier this year, talking with "moms who are leaning into finding their direction" and after checking out the first few episodes, I knew I wanted to get in on the fun!

I've done a podcast before, but just once, a few years ago, so I'm hardly a pro. But Jen is so easy to talk to, I kind of forgot wasn't just a chat with a friend. (Well, it was a chat with a friend. A chat that was recorded and then published on the internet).

To prep, Jen sent over some prompts to get me thinking...It was so helpful to start get my thoughts down on paper before we talked, and it was interesting to see how much my perspective has changed over the years. Sometimes (most times) I can't believe I've been a mom for over five years...or that I have three kids. I still vividly remember the early days with just one, where I felt like I seriously might not make it. There's no way I could have imagined the life I have now, or felt like I'd actually have wisdom to share with others! Now of course, I don't have all (or many), (or any?) of the answers to motherhood's mysteries and challenges, but I loved being able to look back on my experience thus far, and feel like the things I've learned along the way could help encourage someone else. I'll never feel like "I've made it" as a mom...but this was a little bit of validation that I'm come a long way as a mom, and a reminder that I can be used in big and small ways even while I'm still a work in progress.

A little peek into our chat: 

Differences between early motherhood and today:

Early motherhood was SO STINKING HARD. The first time around, my world was rocked, physically and emotionally, and there were about 8 weeks where I muddled through everything on a roller coaster of "this is the best thing that's every happened to me!" and "why do I feel so inadequate/broken and why can't I stop crying?"

AND THEN? I had another kid...which I thought was going to be SO easy (I mean...we're already doing all the things...how hard could it be to do it x2?) I was SO wrong. Going from 1 to 2 kids for me was like going from 1 to 100. I was outnumbered and exhausted, (and always sweaty! Summer baby and no A/C in our house? Mistake.)

Both times I eventually found my groove. But with kid number 3 it was BLISSFULLY different. I don't know if it was actually easier...I think it was a combo of a good baby, lower expectations, and a little bit of experience on my side. This time I knew it was going to be hard, and I braced myself differently. So I still had hard days (/minutes/hours/weeks) but it doesn't feel all consuming or hopeless like it had with the others.

Any of my "success" now, I attribute to revisions to (and lowering of) my expectations. When all three of them are wailing at the same time, I'm better able to let it ride, because OF COURSE they're all crying. What do you expect with 3 small kids? Things are a mess (figuratively and literally) with us a lot of the time, but I'm much more ok with that. I have less to prove, and my pride has been eroded over time. (in a good way...mostly...I think...) I figure a family of five, with two full-time-working parents is going to run somewhat on a wing and a prayer. So we are winging it and praying a whole lot of the time.

Your biggest motherhood challenge these days:

I struggle with the juggling act that our life currently requires. My husband and I are constantly switching off; he travels, I travel, he watches them while I go out, I cover so he can volunteer. Et cetera, et cetera, infinity. It seems like we're always handing off and coordinating. It gets exhausting to feel like everything has to be orchestrated so precisely...I miss spontaneity, and the ability to do things together (without figuring out a babysitter!)

What you would tell your new mama self about motherhood:

Oh girl. You are going to be bad at this.

I am hard-wired with a need for achievement and significance. So I've spent my whole life chasing both. Motherhood is nearly impossible to feel accomplished at, so it's been a struggle for me...to struggle. I still feel like I'm doing everything wrong at times, but I'm less surprised or rattled by my incompetence. It's been huge for me to not only learn how to mother, but to learn how to do something that will never be finished.

You can listen to my episode here, and if you get hooked- you can check out the whole show.
And if you can't get enough of audio-Courtney, feel free to listen to my episode of the Sarah R. Bagley Podcast, (or read my recap notes from that show).

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Screen Free Mondays

Alright...so you know how Dustin and I are always scheming some sort of life change experiment? Well, probably more accurately, how I'm always scheming some sort of life change experiment, and Dustin humors my super-passionate kinda-crazy spirit, and goes along with many of my whims?

Well...yeah. That's a thing. And I'm (we're) at it again.

You see, a few weeks ago, I came up with an idea to revolutionize our lives (again) (some more)! I call it:

Screen Free Mondays!

Awww, yeah.

What's that mean, exactly? You might be asking yourself (Or if you are Dustin: asking me). Well basically it's a commitment to forgo "screen time" all day, one day a week. You see, one thing I've learned about myself over years of tried and failed resolutions, is that I'm not really a "set reasonable limits for myself and see small incremental change" type of person. I'm not great at a slow, steady pace of one good choice after another until it adds up to a better whole. I'm impatient, with a big bias towards action. When I get an idea, I want to do it. Pretty much now, and probably with both feet. But just before that, I want to define it, give it parameters,and make it a thing. 

So when I was sensing that our family had gotten a little too enamored by and entrenched in the glow of our screens (phones, tablets, computers, TV) I knew we could just try to rein it in a little. But no...that's not the Courtney way. Instead, why don't we go for a semi-extreme experiment? With a name? And rules?!

I approached my people with my proposal- "Guys...How do you feel about Screen. Free. MONDAYS?!?! (pause for enthusiastic reactions) (receive no enthusiastic reactions)"

"Ummmm. What? Is that?"
"But I like my tablet!"
"Forever?"
"What's 'Mondays'?"

Alright...so we had some education to do.

But quicker than you might imagine, I managed to get everyone on board. I was basically making the rules up as we go, so as the questions kept coming, I kept spitting out half-baked answers.

What?
A day for all of us to take a break from screens, and prioritize time talking, playing reading, etc. etc. etc. together.

Why?
Well, because we (mostly the grown up "we's") have gotten a little too attached to our phones and shows and a little too comfortable with a nightly routine of Netflix and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. This will be a good chance to prioritize more social interaction vs. social media, more quality time spent together vs. time in close general proximity to each other, and maybe even a little more progress on all the things we should be doing vs. getting sucked into another episode of 60 Days In (though it is pretty good). (For the record, the kids are screen dependent zombies. The baby thankfully still doesn't know what TV is, and the girls watch a couple shows in the morning while we get ready/they eat breakfast. So they are along for the ride in the name of family solidarity,

When? 
Mondays.

Why? 
Well, because the weekends would be just too dang hard. But weekdays when we have a lot going on might not pose enough of a challenge. Monday nights are usually wide open, so why not make that our chance for together time?

Forever?
Well, no. How 'bout a month. We can do a month, right?

So there we had it. Screen Free Mondays was/is officially a thing.
And guess what?! We're already 2 weeks in. Yeah I know...If you take a break from social media, but don't post about it on social media, did it even happen? We had to shuffle it to Tuesday in week two because Dustin was traveling on Monday...And a day spent in an airport is pretty much impossible (or at least relatively tortuous) without screens. Plus you know I wasn't making it through a full 24 hours riding solo with three little ones without at least a little bit of technology backup (Holla, Curious George Halloween Special! Thanks for making a shower possible for mama!) But we made it happen.

Depending on your relationship with technology the whole thing might not seem that extreme. After all, it's a day without Facebook, not a season on the Oregon Trail. I'm not sharing this in an effort to earn admiration for my brave crusade. (I mean...unless you want to throw that my way. I'm not turning it down). And I honestly don't think we're actually terribly addicted to technology...at least not more than average Americans. But I know how easy it has become for me to absentmindedly scroll through my feeds, while the TV hums in the background. Or to reach for my phone whenever there's a 2.5 second lull in the action of my life. Phones, and feeds and input, input, input have become a constant presence in my day.

So I get that this isn't trophy-worthy, but I am at least a little bit excited/proud about making some effort to shift from mindlessness, to intentional-ity.

Halfway through our first day, I sent Dustin an IM (sanctioned screen use!) complaining:

C: "You have no idea how hard it is for me not to tool around on the side while I'm on this nevvvvvver ending conference call."
D: "I know...I was a few minutes early to a meeting and I just had to stand there."

So, guys:
The struggle is real.
We're fighting the good fight.
And other way over-dramatic cliches that signify how way-too-seriously I take everything.

But it's Screen Free Mondays! A new, and totally real thing that deserves my effort! And theatrics! And total commitment for at least a short period of time, followed by an over-analysis of lessons learned, and then an inevitable abandonment of revised habits, until I freak out and repeat the cycle six months later*.

In case you're interested in joining in (I really sold it, I know), here's where we landed on the somewhat-arbitrary-but-they-make-sense-to-me guidelines:

No:

• Social Media
• TV/Netflix/Movies
• Personal email
• Web browsing 
• Games or "Time wasting" apps (pretty much social media, but also fantasy football, 1 second everyday, timehop etc.)
• Photo editing/blogging

Yes:

• Work (email/all other worky work stuff)
• Texting
• Taking pictures/videos
• "Utility apps"- maps, weather, uber, video monitor, etc. 
• Pandora/Spotify

So, yes, technically we still use screens on Mondays, but the goal is for them to be functional devices that add to our day, not entertainment devices that take away from our real-life opportunities for connection. Work is a given (as much as I'd love a "sorry...I'm not using screens today" pass for all my Monday duties, I'm afraid that wouldn't fly). And all of the "approved" activities on our list are things we already use pretty responsibly (I've never skipping out on playing with my kids because I accidentally got too engrossed in The Weather Channel). Plus, the spirit of the experiment is the important part...I'm trying to improve the quality of our relationships, not become Amish. 

We're two weeks in, three weeks to go (somehow I picked a month with 5 Mondays...figures.) I'll keep you posted on our progress. If irony allows, I may even choose a new hashtag.

* Unfortunately not a hypothetical cycle. I've been working the TV Free Fanfare since 2008. And in 2010. And in 2011. And 2012. (After that I'm pretty sure I did it some more, but maybe mercifully managed to not write about it).

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Picture Day

By now you've no doubt learned that Bowdenisms is constantly on the not-cusp of trends. You want to be introduced to a fad that's probably on its way out? I got you. (Draw Something! It's awesome!)

Interested in learning about some sort of technology that everyone already knows about? We're on it.

I kid. A little...we're not exactly trend killers, but try as we might, we're never going to be the hippest of hipsters. At best, we'll be slightly hipper than the masses (at least I got Pinterest before my dad!) and live solidly in the sweet, safe, gooey center of popular culture. (Have you read The Hunger Games? I heard they're all the rage with the kids these days!)

But what we may lack in timing, we make up with enthusiasm. (P.s. I don't know who this "we" I keep referring to is. I guess I'm lumping Dustin in with myself. Dorkiness loves company!). My most recent obsession? Instagram!

(At this point in the post, I ask you to please ignore the fact that you've had Instagram for years, and probably have a following of hundreds of friends, and actually, that's old news it's all about Pictureshow now. Just let me have my moment).

For those of you not in on this yet- Instagram is a phone app that allows you to take pics, add filters and frames, and share them on the web. It's free, simple to use, and transforms blurry, badly lit iphone pics into polaroid-inspired faux-vintage gems. I'm a fan.

They say the best camera is the one you have on you, and while that may only be half true, I will say that 75% of the pics we have of Piper were taken on our phones. They may not be the best quality (although the camera on my iphone is easily twice as good as the first digital camera I had. Does that blow anyone else's mind?) but they're much, much better than nothing, so I'm grateful for the random snapshots we've captured. And with the addition of Instagram, and then PicStitch (A collage making app. look!....I'm a wealth of iphone knowledge!) I've been having fun experimenting with effects and sharing pics.

Some of my recent favs:

So with my new found love for Instagram continuing to grow, I thought it would be fun to join a Photo-A-Day challenge, to encourage me to keep snapping, and maybe come up with some subjects, or angles, or ideas that I might not have thought of otherwise. There are probably thousand such challenges on the web, but Fat Mum Slim has one that looked like fun, so I think I'm going to give it a whirl.

Here's the list for April:


Fun right? Anyone want to join? You don't have to have instagram, or even a camera phone...you can use a "real" old school camera. With film even! Imagine that! But if you do join, I'd love to see what come up with. You can share on your blog, facebook...or tweet it! (I go on record saying I'm pretty sure this whole Twitter idea could become the next big thing. You heard it here (not even close to) first.)

Happy Snapping!

P.s. You can follow us on instagram: Cojobo and Bowdend31.